Self-Examination is far more profitable to any man than to examine the lives and acts of others. Nevertheless many of us are experienced in sitting in judgment on our fellows, while prone to neglect serious self-examination. The word exhorts us to examine ourselves, and warns us against judging others. Says Paul: "Let each man prove his own work;" "let a man prove himself;" "try your own selves, whether ye are in the faith; prove your own selves." We are urged to be merciful, forbearing, charitable to others, but not once is it suggested that we manifest these graces toward ourselves.
Self-examination is a mirror that reveals our weaknesses, defects, and failures. It holds us up to a light that penetrates to the very marrow. And how little there is in our best endeavors that does not center in self! We give—but would proclaim it to others; we work —but exaggerate what we have accomplished; we suffer—but would have all know that we are martyrs. Thus we are as stage actors, most of us, and play to the onlookers. What a pitiful spectacle must we present to heavenly intelligences, who know us as we really are!
Self-examination begets humility. One can never feel like boasting when conscious of failures, defeats, appetites still unleashed, passions unsubdued. The true servant of Christ must feel the need of help, as did Paul when he wrote:
"Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3:12-14.
The great Roman Stoic philosopher, Seneca, recognized the value of self-examination. He has left this record:
"It is my custom every night so soon as the candle is out, to run over the words and actions of the past day; and I let nothing escape me, for why should I fear the sight of my errors when I can admonish and forgive myself? I was a little too hot in such a dispute; my opinion might well have been withheld, for I gave offense and did no good. The thing was true; but all truths are not to be spoken at all times. I would I had held my tongue, for there is no contending, either with fools or with our superiors. I have done ill, but I shall do it no more."
Self-examination is important because it helps us to know our own selves. Though it is true that sometimes people believe in us more fully than we deserve, we are, generally speaking, our own greatest admirers. This self-confidence is often so great that it becomes a weakness. And while thus glorying outwardly in ourselves, we have the inner consciousness that if others knew us better, they would believe in us far less.
By many our good deeds are overvalued, while a mantle of charity is thrown over our shortcomings, either from a lack of knowledge or by too limited contact. Then, too, the onlooker cannot read the heart. He cannot discern the working of our mind nor see the spirit that actuates us when we are alone. But if a man will, he can know himself, and such knowledge will beget humility within and charity for others without.
Never should we examine ourselves with the objective of proving that we are better than heretofore, comparing ourselves with what we once were or with our fellow men. Christ is our model, the one perfect standard. Not only so, but He is our mighty Helper, our great High Priest, who is "touched with the feeling of our infirmities," since He "was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin." He is very merciful and pitiful, for He has tasted every grief and temptation known to man.
We must continually look to Christ while we study our motives and purposes. Once I observed an artist making a copy of a famous picture hung in the Pitti gallery at Florence. The copy, to me, seemed perfect; yet the artist looked continually at the masterpiece, only glancing away for a moment to pick up a bit of color and lightly touch his own work. Continually he kept before his eyes the lovely original, striving ever to bring his own picture into a more perfect likeness of 'the great Rubens which he was copying. So must the Christian ever keep before him his great Example as he examines himself.
To know oneself is to let the conscience rule. If the conscience has been trained in the fear of the Lord, it is our truest judge, the best interpreter of our speech and actions. When enlightened by prayer and faith, one's conscience is a true judge of motives and of the heart's intents. And after all is said, the motive that prompts the deed, or word, or action, is the key to what we are. Are you envious of a brother because of his promotion? his prosperity? his ability as a speaker or singer? Your own inner self, your conscience, tells you of your feeling, and it either approves of your motive or condemns you for it. Even your words and your visible actions may conceal the inward burnings and jealousies of the heart. Self-examination will help reveal your motive for what it really is. You should be condemned if you have sought your own advancement above that of your fellows, regardless of how the crowds may shout. "0 the tranquillity, liberty, and greatness of that mind which is a spy upon itself, and a private censor upon its own manners!"
If we would but look into our own hearts and motives, sitting as a stern judge upon ourselves, it would be better for us all. A daily review of our own words and actions, a close examination of our motives, judging them without charity or pity, looking at them as we know God sees them, will surely drive us to seek forgiveness from Him who only can forgive.
We are all hastening toward eternity. The last moment is hidden from our sight. Why should we not be honest in judging ourselves and our doings, searching for the secret springs of our actions? Let us never forget that "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked."
The standard of right action must ever be, not self-glory, not self-advancement, but "whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."
I. H. E.
