In every organization which involves the close association of individuals, the question of personal relationships looms large and important. In fact, even in large manufacturing and business enterprises, this question, as it relates to senior executive personnel, is recognized as one of the most difficult of solution, yet one on which the ultimate success of the organization largely rests. If this is so in worldly concerns, then how much more is it true in the work of God and in this great advent movement.
How the work is strengthened when the relationships among the ministry and between the ministry and laity are close and friendly and co-operative ! Yes, and how the work is marred and injured when these relationships become petty and small and belie the indwelling of that Spirit which should be the possession of every worker and church member !
As ministers and workers we do well to remember that our people have an absolute right to expect us to take the lead and set an example in the matter of personal relationships. This we will do as we seek earnestly to make room for the indwelling of the very Spirit of the Master whom we serve. And as we seek for the Spirit of Jesus in these things, we will find that it will mean the end of self-seeking, jealousy, pride of position and opinion ; yes, and of sensitiveness, which is nothing more or less than selfishness ; and of all those other qualities and characteristics which so often intrude to mar the relationships.
Relationships to Fellow Ministers
Let us address ourselves for the moment to the matter of our relationships to fellow ministers. What a beautiful and desirable thing is a spirit of love and comradeship among those who are called to be "laborers together with God" ! This seems easy enough of attainment where nothing that could give rise to a spirit of rivalry exists. But somehow, when the pressures of life and close association are brought to bear on us, all too often we find ourselves unable to stand up against them. After all, we are many times perilously like the disciples of old in their unconverted state.
When we come to think of it, why should there ever be any professional jealousy among ministers of the gospel? Talents and attainments will never exactly correspond, but we all are or should be perfectly united as to objectives. We are but instruments of Another ; in ourselves, not one of us is anything. It is a sad commentary on our personal experience when petty jealousies come in to affect our relationships with one another ; yet all too often they do.
The importance of a united front cannot be overemphasized. This is true in national and international affairs, as witness the expression "United Nations." And if this is so in worldly and wartime affairs, how much more it is so in the service of our God ! Nothing so demoralizes our people generally, nothing so destroys their confidence, as to learn of differences between workers in the cause of God. When this happens, our people may be so affected and hurt that only years will heal the injury. When misunderstandings between workers do occur--and occur they will, as we are but human—how much better it is for those concerned to meet in a quiet Christian spirit and explain their differences in an endeavor to find common ground. More often than not, as I have found in my own experience, when that is done the difficulties seem to evaporate, and we wonder whatever there was after all for us to feel so exercised about.
However, if the problems are such that they will not work themselves out that way, then one or the other or both the persons involved are well advised to seek counsel of the conference president or someone else in a position to assist in applying a remedy, in order that steps may be taken to prevent matters' getting entirely out of hand. But never, never, NEVER take such difficulties to our laity. I am not so sure but that, when a worker does, he disqualifies himself for further service. Let us remember that there never is any excuse for a worker's doing anything that will cause the laity to lose confidence in a brother minister. And remember that there is seldom a difficulty in personal relationships which cannot be straightened out by those concerned coming together in a quiet, prayerful manner and discussing fully and frankly the difficulties at issue. When that is done, a communion of spirit is established which goes a long way in making for happy future associations.
Relationships to Lay Members
The messenger of the Lord has much to say concerning the relationships that should exist between the ministry and laity. The responsibility for these rests almost entirely on the ministry. Like begets like, and that which we see in others is usually but a reflection of our own attitude. As the wise man says, "A man that hath friends must show himself friendly." Prov. 18:24. Sincerity—the real, genuine article—is the first requisite to happy relationships in this sphere. Our people quickly sense whether our interest in them is genuine or merely assumed; and on that will depend to a great extent the cordial relationships that should obtain.
Difficult situations must, in the nature of the case, arise at times. There will be delicate and sometimes personal matters into which the worker may have to project himself. If in the past associations he has been able to impress others with his brotherliness and helpfulness, that impression in itself will greatly ease the strain. A worker in such circumstances is always wise to adopt a genuinely humble attitude, rather than one of being the last word in such matters and fully capable of handling any emergency.
Whatever else happens, avoid variance with those with whom you are working. As soon as a serious difference arises, your influence for good on those concerned is practically at an end if you are not in harmony with them. If such a situation should come to pass, remember that in the eyes of the other party to the dispute you are the one to blame for the trouble, for the fault is always with the other fellow ! That is the way you would feel about it, you know ! When we are in difficulty, the chances are that we have contributed at least our share, even though at the time we cannot see it. This is a humbling thought, but a very helpful one !
Make it your first business, therefore, to get matters right, not by forcing the other fellow to acknowledge his fault, but by acknowledging your own—by acknowledging more than your share, in fact. On your knees seek for victory over any pride of position that makes it difficult for you to humble yourself before others. Only by so doing can you regain your lost influence and bring real help to those who most need it. Generally speaking, you will find that this attitude will have a profound effect on the one with whom you are at variance. As all of us know who have passed this way before, it is not easy to humble oneself; but it is the right and proper way, and it is bound to bring results. Never let it be said that a worker's pride has stood in the way of his doing the right thing.
A real part of your work for, with, and on behalf of our people is to listen. Listen to their problems ; share their difficulties ; sympathize with them in their troubles. Thus your influence with them will grow, and your ability to help and lead them will increase. The writings of the Spirit of prophecy, some of which I quote, give some helpful counsel on this matter.
"In your ministry come close to the people."—"Gospel Workers," p. 37. "You may be true to principle, you may be just, honest, and religious ; but with it all you must cultivate true tenderness of heart, kindness, and courtesy. H a person is in error, be the more kind to him ; if you are not courteous, you may drive him away from Christ."--"Testimonies to Ministers," p. 150. "The goodness, the mercy, the compassion, the tenderness, the loving-kindness of God are to be expressed in the words, deportment, and character of all who claim to be children of God, especially in those who claim to be messengers sent by the Lord Jesus with the word of life, to save the perishing."--I.D. p. 151.
"The minister is not to rule imperiously over the flock entrusted to his care, but to be their ensample, and to show them the way to heaven."—"Testimonies," Vol. IV, pp. 267, 268.
"Love is the golden chain which binds believing hearts to one another in willing bonds of friendship, tenderness, and faithful constancy ; and which binds the soul to God."—Id., p. 187.
A few brief thoughts on ministerial etiquette may prove helpful. Surely in this also we should seek to follow our Master closely. Let us remember that however much we may at times differ in matters of detail, we should seek always to uphold a fellow worker's hands, both in our personal relationships and before others. Never speak to a fellow minister before others in a way that appears to cast reflection on him or is derogatory in tone or manner. If there are differences to be talked out, talk about them in strict privacy. Avoid criticizing an associate or fellow worker in the presence or hearing of a lay member, for such is likely to have a boomerang effect and destroy confidence in you and in the ministry generally. We are quick to resent these things in another; yet we may easily and almost unconsciously be guilty of them ourselves.
Finally, be kind to your predecessor We are each made so different from the other, with both strong and weak points, that never will we find two workers with exactly the same qualities and approach to the problems of the work. Your predecessor was a worthy and conscientious man. He did remarkably well in certain things —better in fact than you will ! At the same time he had his weaknesses, as also have you. No doubt there are some things he left undone, but the same will also be true of you. So be kind to his memory. Give full credit where credit is due, and remember that in all things silence is golden. Remember, too, that in due time you also will have a successor, to whom your own weaknesses will be just as apparent as are your predecessor's to you! Let us therefore honor the memory of those who have gone before us, recognizing the good they have accomplished and seeking to build strongly on the foundations they have left behind.
Ministerial relationships and etiquette generally find their ideal solution in the precepts of the golden rule. We of all men should seek to make this the basis of all our relationships and conduct. May God help us to do so!
