Articles that concern the minister's wife usually contain quite a list of do's and don'ts. "The minister's wife should be a good housekeeper, good hostess, model mother, and model wife. She must know how to dress and not overdress. She should know how to help and be intelligent in all departments of the church. She must always be composed and patient in her home and make her home a haven for her family as well as for anyone else in need."
Much is said about the criticism aimed at the minister's wife. She is criticized if she is too active in the church; she is accused of not being interested in spiritual things if she quietly sits back. Her children are supposed to be perfect, as, of course, she is. After reading such an article in a religious magazine one time, I was overwhelmed with the thought that in order to be a good wife for my minister-husband, I would have to be nearly superhuman. I wondered whether there were women alive who could live up to every requirement. I suppose that there may be.
From my observations of ministers' wives, among my friends and those with whom I have associated, I have come to this conclusion: There is something more important in being a good help meet for a minister than such qualifications. Of course it is important to remember that we are set up as examples, and we should strive to live above reproach in every way, even to the way we manage our homes.
To me, it is the greatest privilege in the world to be a minister's wife. What higher calling could a woman have? If we are happy working side by side with our husbands in the great task of taking this message to all the world, our position will not become a burden.
Basic Qualifications
I believe the first "requirement" we must meet is to have a very real love for Jesus. That should be the motive that prompts young people to devote their lives to His service. The second is a burning zeal for lost souls. It must be an all-consuming passion in our lives. The next follows, that our hearts must be in the work. The good of the church and God's work will come before our own plans and desires. The last is that we must love the people. How can we work effectively for people that we do not love?
If the minister's wife has these qualifications, her life will radiate and draw the people to her. She will not need to worry about being criticized. People do not criticize someone they love.
I once knew a young worker's wife who was really quite a poor housekeeper. It apparently didn't worry her to drop everything in the morning before the dishes were done or the beds made, and go visiting with her husband, or perhaps go and help get the hall ready for a meeting in the evening. She wasn't the mosttasty "dresser" in the world either. However, she was sincerely friendly, was always available and helpful to everyone, and she wore a beautiful smile. I remember hearing ever so many people say how nice she was and how much everyone liked Elder and Mrs. , but, strangely, I cannot remember ever hearing any one criticize her housekeeping or the way she dressed.
This is not to infer that it is right to neglect our homes or fail to keep up a neat appearance, but it shows that sincere friendliness and a smiling face hide many faults.
Be Present!
Another way to gain the love and confidence of the people is to be present at all church functions possible. If other duties are pressing and you feel that you cannot spend a whole evening at a young people's social, at least make an appearance and show a cooperative spirit. The presence of the pastor and his wife bolsters the morale of a program or social, and people are disappointed when they do not come. If they persistently stay away from such things, people will question why. Don't wait for a special invitation. If you know the young folks are gathering somewhere for a good time, make your appearance. They will love you for it. There are other advantages in following this practice. Should we criticize or condemn the way the socials are held or the programs con ducted, or the manner in which the Dorcas Society raises money, when we have not been at tending and cooperating in their efforts? In attending church functions and committees we should not expect always to be in the forefront or take the lead, but to cooperate and be ready to help and advice when we are asked.
It seems to be the modern trend in our colleges to expect the ministerial student, in choosing a wife, to look for the most talented and gifted girl, one who can play the piano or sing, for instance. The idea is so strong, in fact, that I have seen girls with not a spark of musical aptitude spend the greatest part of their time and effort in the music conservatory, pounding away note by note in a desperate and usually futile attempt to become a musician at that late date, because they were interested in or maybe already married to a theology student. How much better it would be for them to pursue some other line in which they have ability! Not everyone can be a musician or a public per former. In fact, some of the most beloved ministers' wives that I have known were even shy about getting up to give the review or a talk in MV meeting. A sweet, kind personality, with a deep spiritual experience, is vastly more important than ever so many accomplishments.
One time two evangelists came to my home town church to hold meetings. They were brothers and had worked together over a period of time with great success. I am sure that part of their success was due to the fact that they both had wonderful wives. Of all the ministers' wives I have known, these two stand out as being nearest the ideal. However, neither of them played the piano, sang, gave chalk talks, or took any part in the meetings as far as I knew. They didn't even help with the ushering or work in the bookstand, but they were present each night, sitting somewhere in the audience. After the meeting they mingled with the people, not just with friends, but with strangers who had come to the meeting. They were just as friendly to the poor and unattractive as to the popular church members. I am sure there was not a convert who had not felt the warm and friendly influence of those consecrated wives.
Show Friendliness
It is hard for some to be friendly to strangers and always be ready to speak first and take the initiative. It was very hard for me for a long time. In one church that my husband pastored there was a man who was not living as he should and was anxious to find fault. His children came to my husband and said that I had never shaken hands with their father. Of course I had not been conscious of slighting him, and had never intended to, but from then on I always gave Brother a warm hand shake, and it was usually necessary to seek him out of a corner to do it. However, that experience taught me a lesson. Those who are the hardest to speak to are the very ones that we must not neglect.
Whom do you consider the most successful and best-liked minister's wife you know? Is it someone who is liked because she is brilliant, accomplished, or an immaculate housekeeper? Or is it someone who always has time to speak and be friendly, someone you might see chatting with a little old lady, listening to her tale of aches and troubles, one who seeks out the timid, backward, and discouraged?
I once heard a young minister's wife say, "I knew that being married to a preacher was going to be bad, but I didn't know it would be this bad!" I was shocked, but most of all I pitied her. Because of the wrong attitude with which she had evidently started out, she was missing much of the joy and satisfaction that could have been hers. It is true, we cannot live for ourselves and be happy in this work. But by living for others, we are happier ourselves.
Let us not make our lot, which really is one to be envied, a burden. There is no need to live and feel as if we are always in the critic's eye. If we love Jesus, we shall love His children, and if we love the people, they will love us in spite of all our faults. Let us put our heart and soul into being a real shepherdess. Let us love our work and wear a smile!
