A doctor said to me over a dozen years ago when I was starting out as a bride in a parsonage: "A man's health lies very much in his wife's keeping this is particularly true of professional men. If ministers' wives would realize this, we would have fewer clergymen with coronaries, nervous break downs, ulcers and the various other ailments which force them to take time off or even drop out of their profession before retiring age."
This doctor was a senior practitioner in a large city. Through the years many ministers had been under his care. He had taken a particular interest in them because he had grown up in a manse.
Some time later I had an appointment with this doctor to ask him about specific ways in which a wife could help her husband safeguard his health. His ideas were helpful to me and they should be thought-provoking to any minister's wife.
He commented that in this day it should be unnecessary to stress the vital importance of a routine annual physical examination. But many ministers balk at this. They say: "I feel fine! That would be a waste of time and money." Others see no point in a medical check-up unless they must have it in order to get more insurance.
A wife can often quietly persuade her hus band to have this important annual examination. If he finds there is nothing wrong that is splendid. The reassurance to his wife's peace of mind is worth the cost.
The doctor may make some minor suggestions about diet or exercise or routine which will be useful, if carried out. If the doctor dis covers symptoms which indicate the necessity for immediate treatments, the earlier these are begun the more quickly the patient will regain normal health.
When a doctor gives the verdict that a man is suffering from a disease for which there is no known cure, this is a terrible blow whatever his walk in life. Clergymen, like other men, must often carry on their tasks in spite of a distinct physical handicap from which they cannot escape. In some cases, the best the wife can do is to make her husband as comfortable as possible and see that their home life is as happy as it can be. One minister friend who was partially crippled with arthritis made a far more potent Christian witness in his own attitude to suffering than anything he could have said in countless sermons.
An Outdoor Hobby
A minister must spend a great many hours indoors, sometimes in rooms with poor ventilation. A wife may see that he has an outdoor hobby which will give him pleasure regularly in the open air.
My husband found great relaxation in his bachelor days on the golf course. During the war years, when Victory Gardens were advocated, he embarked on his own garden. Now he is an ardent garden enthusiast and his hoe has replaced his golf clubs.
There is a real advantage in having a garden plot a distance from one's home, where a minister can find solitude. This leaves the back yard free for the children to play in. A large enough garden can usually be discovered, which demands hard manual work, not too far from one's home.
My husband carried out this plan in his last church. On moving recently to a new city, one of the first things he did was to locate a gardening area for next spring's seeds. As well as health dividends in exercise in the sunshine and fresh air, our garden is a marvelous help on the food budget. We all love the flowers we have grown ourselves, too!
The winter months may present a problem in finding a satisfactory outdoor hobby. Some times the clamor of his youngsters influences a man in his choice of sports. A minister's children see so much less of their Dad at play than many children. If the father enjoyed skating or skiing or hiking in his childhood, family expeditions on skates or skis or walking can be a great source of health and happiness. But whether a man takes his outdoor exercise with or without his family, he does need to have recreation in the fresh air fitted regularly into each week's schedule the year round.
Value of Holidays
"One of the surest ways for a man to wreck his health is for him to have the silly idea that he must always be on call!" a doctor, the head of a clinic, said once.
"Ministers are human like other men they need one day a week for rest and relaxation. But how few of them take it! How they can preach convincingly on man's necessity for a Sabbath, one day for rest each week, is more than I can understand! Some even appear to feel guilty about going away for an occasional half-day, not on church business, but for their own refreshment."
Another doctor pointed out that, although ministers may seem to be in a favored position in regard to summer holiday time, many a minister is called back to his parish for funerals or weddings. Others work too hard, supplying pulpits or studying, during their so-called "vacation." By temperament some men don't seem able to get the "holiday spirit." They may be miles from home but they don't know how to get away from the burden of their work or from mental activity connected with promotion or organizational plans for the next season.
One leader in the medical profession stated that ministers would benefit far more by several short holidays scattered throughout the year than from one solid month of vacation. He advised the clergy to get right out of town once a week, for the sake of their health, even if it was only for a few hours. It is his opinion that a man also needs a whole day's holiday every month out of reach of his church. This, he suggested, is the only way to escape from the "terrible tyranny" of a congregation!
Ministers who follow a pattern of this kind, with few exceptions, know its great value. But it is not an easy routine to start in mid-life! If a minister is to get away occasionally, he will need his wife's cooperation and encouragement. Old Mrs. Jones, a "mother in Israel," or Mr. Smith, a pillar in the local church, might fall seriously ill or die just after the minister departed. The minister's wife can get in touch with him in case of necessity. She can tactfully handle the minor requests for the minister's attention during this brief respite.
Mealtime Peace
Ministers occasionally joke about the strain on their digestions of all the church suppers they must attend. But far greater damage is done to their digestive and nervous systems by meals at uncertain hours and the eating period filled with interruptions or the need for hurry.
Phone calls during dinner or supper hour (and even at breakfast time!) are a continual problem in most rectories, parsonages, and manses. One minister whom I knew refused to answer the phone while he was eating. "Mr. X is at his dinner," his wife would explain. But occasions are apt to arise when, for the sake of harmony, a minister's wife cannot very well refuse an urgent request to speak to the minister himself! However, often a wife or an older son or daughter can help on mealtime phone duty. Some men may not suffer from interruptions when eating, but others really need peace with their food! Indigestion and stomach ulcers can result from tense eating. These illnesses are no joke. My father, who served his church in a day when the pace was more leisurely than today, was miserable for years from stomach distress arising in part from a minister's life.
A wife can help her husband's digestive process not only by trying to give him quiet at his mealtime but by serving appetizing food at regular hours. She can also encourage him to have a brief rest after eating. Few men see the importance of relaxing after the noon or evening meal unless they have had a scare and the doctor has ordered a rest. But how much better it is to include this simple habit as a matter of course. It certainly "pays off"! "Standing by" Him The number of ill and shut-in folk vary in different congregations, but sick visitation makes heavy demands in many churches. Calls on homes into which bereavement has come are another major duty. The neural drain on a minister is very great. His sympathy and his patience and understanding are taxed when he must visit folk who are full of their troubles. Many mourners seem to find a strange com fort in describing in great detail the passing of their loved one and the pastor is expected to listen attentively to this long recital.
One minister confessed to his wife: "By the time I have heard all about Mrs. Doe's pains in the small of her back and a detailed commentary on Mr. Smith's swollen joints I am apt to wonder whether my own body is functioning properly! Young medical students are reputed to suffer at times from ailments listed in their textbooks. But a minister must often listen to a long account of a sickness, far more vivid than anything found in a book!"
A minister's wife must be prepared to "stand by" and help her mate, if, under the demands of sick visitation, he begins to worry about his own aches and pains! Yes, whatever a minister's health problem may be, his wife must "stand by" and give him moral support and practical assistance. Each man's situation is different. Whether it is acute or obscure, a man's difficulties do not seem so great if he can share them with his wife.
Perhaps one of the best things a minister and his wife could do together would be to dis cuss the suggestions in this article. You may disagree with some of the ideas, but surely there are a few pointers which are applicable to your own case! If even one plan of action appeals to you, put it into practice at once. Don't think your "Super-man" is above the need for an annual doctor's examination, a hobby in the fresh air, "time off" from his job, or a real holiday in the summer months! It may be that your husband will not be keen about discussing a health article. You will have to arrive at your own conclusions by yourself. Many wives will certainly agree that their husbands enjoy less than their high est degree of health because they do not take sufficient care of themselves. Each wife must discover how she can get her husband's cooperation for that extra effort or that change in routine by which his health is protected.
Perhaps the hardest problem which a wife has to cope with is the minister who works "all the time" and laughs at any medical ad vice! He has abundant physical energy; there is so much to be done and the days pass so swiftly! He may feel no necessity for relaxation or complete holidays from his work. Then suddenly nature gives him a warning.
My own brother was a tireless worker for the Kingdom as he ministered to one of the oldest and largest congregations in central Canada. At the age of 43 he died from a heart attack brought on from overwork. I never see a minister who is overtaxing his strength, failing to take sufficient rest, or unwilling to refuse a request for help, no matter how exhausted he is, but I think of my brother. His early death was no reflection on the care at home which he received. I know his wife tried to help him "put on the brakes" but without success.
Mr. Minister's Wife, do take this job of watching your husband's health seriously! Your man may not be subject to heart trouble, but if he does not look after his body he will reap what he sows. He may not be an easy man to help, but it is very likely that some where in this field he needs your assistance. In this matter of safeguarding his health it may be later than you think! So do get in touch with your family doctor. Be a partner with him in keeping that man of yours well and "on the job"!