I don't suppose that ministers' wives come in happy mediums. Either they are good housekeepers and poor mixers, or they are wonderful mixers and atrocious housekeepers. Or perhaps they are devoted mothers but care less workers in some other phase of the work. Rarely, if ever, does one have all the attributes. One may have many talents but she may seldom attend a Dorcas meeting, do Ingathering, or even visit much with her husband. Another may be an excellent cook with an obsession for entertaining the masses, but she may not have the simple knack of keeping herself neat and attractive.
No matter how many virtues the minister's wife may have, it is always the lack of certain qualities that seems to attract the attention of the people in general when they first meet her. Comparisons are the common thing. Is the new pastor's wife going to be like the former minister's wife? Will she stand at her husband's side by the door after the church service on Sabbath morning, greeting the congregation with a smile and a handshake? Will she invite all the visitors to her house for dinner (whether or not she has made preparation)? Will she be the one to lead out in prayer at the prayer meeting when volunteers are called upon to pray? Or will she be of help in the cradle roll, the kindergarten, or perhaps teach a class of adults? All these questions and many more the new minister's wife is likely to be subjected to within the minds of the members.
Every pastor's wife has no doubt met the relentless remarks of at least a few of the more thoughtless men or women in the new parish. She has been confronted with the numerous virtues of the former pastor's wife until she may have been led to wonder whether this individual was not some superwoman who never made mistakes. But it might be consoling to know that this same person who seemingly has no faults was probably, made to feel the same way when she first became the "new pastor's wife."
It is said that a person's reputation is never better than at his or her own funeral. This might apply to the "departing" minister and his wife, or at least we hope it does. It is a human characteristic to remember at will only the good or the unpleasant qualities of another person, depending upon the circumstances. It is only natural for those who were attached to the former minister's wife to remember only those things that were nice about her. It takes time for the members to adjust themselves to a change and become well enough acquainted with the new "mistress of the manse" to admire and love her. They may even feel a slight resentment at having to part with the one to whom they had attached themselves, stubbornly resisting at first any kindness on the part of the new minister's wife.
Each Individual Is Different
So I ask, should the new pastor's wife try to imitate the former one? Would she be accepted more readily if she tried to take the other woman's place exactly? No, this would not seem the wise thing to do. In the first place, she could not if she tried, and in the second place, I have found that the majority of church people are ready to accept the pastor's wife for what she is, and will do their utmost to make her stay a pleasant and happy one, in spite of a few who will insist upon doing the opposite. Even one person who is adverse can be very upsetting, making life miserable for another person if allowed to do so, but one thing a minister and his wife usually must learn early in their ministry is that they will be subjected to criticism, and much of it unjustifiable. They will also learn that the most impossible part of the work committed to them will be to please everyone.
Human beings are all different. But the fact that their ideas and opinions are different does not make the one right and the other wrong. They also have various likes and dislikes. This accounts for the large selection of automobiles from which to choose; the various colors and sizes of houses; the numerous brands of tooth paste, shaving cream, and every other item on the market. Ministers' wives are as different in looks, manner, dress, capabilities, and personal opinions as are peas, carrots, onions, tomatoes, and corn. These vegetables all have an important place in making up the diet. Likewise each minister's wife has a place to fill in helping to supply spiritual food to the congregation.
How fortunate it would be if one person could have all the attributes and capabilities and virtues! Such a person would certainly be the ideal pastor's wife. She would then be worthy of all the complimentary things people say about her, and, I might add, unworthy of all the censorious remarks. I have often thought that if I could have the hospitality of my sister, the personality of a certain dear friend of mine, and the good health and calm nerve that my father possessed, along with what few talents I have, I could be a much better pastor's wife. But since this is impossible, I must put up with my self as I am and teach the people to put up with me and like it! We can only try to be what we want it said that we are.
The members will learn to love the pastor's wife for her own individuality and soon forget to make comparisons, if she shows a true inter est in them. If she reveals the love of Christ in her life and has a genuine love in her heart for the people, she will unconsciously draw them to her. If she has a smile for everyone alike, she will not remain just the "new pas tor's wife" for very long, but will be a part of the church family that cannot be replaced any easier than was the former pastor's wife.
And remember, no pastor's wife is indispensable. To illustrate the truth of this I am re minded of a quotation from a recent newspaper, "Anyone who thinks he's indispensable should stick his finger in a bowl of water and then notice the hole it leaves when he takes it out."
Each person has a certain niche to fill, but none can fill all the niches. Our best is all that can be expected. Any more than that need not concern us, even though it may seemingly concern others. If your church members have only met the new pastor's wife, then determine that there will be a happy surprise in store for them when they actually become acquainted with her.
