Pastor

Pastor-Shall We Sell Our Daughters?

Is it proper for a professed Christian father to sell his daughter?"

Pastor-Evangelist, Texas Conference

Is it proper for a professed Christian father to sell his daughter?" The young woman who asked this question was a Christian, and had been married several months. Her young husband was an evangelistic worker in the denomination to which they belonged. She was exceedingly unhappy and was driven almost to despair. Her sense of justice had been outraged most cruelly by what her father had done to her. The tears streaming down her cheeks showed that a bitter struggle was raging in her heart while she told, between sobs, her tale of woe. In making their plans for their marriage, the young man and woman, following the customs of her land, sought the approval of the girl's father. They were rudely shocked when he demanded a large dowry from the young man in return for the hand of the daughter. The young evangelist's income was low, for he was then only a beginner in his work and was drawing the minimum wage paid by the denomination to workers of his class. Besides, he had spent nearly all of his savings in getting an education in a Christian school. So he was not able to give the father the large dowry demanded.

The days passed and, after much talking and pleading, the young couple persuaded the father to reduce the amount of dowry required. He finally offered to accept half of the sum originally demanded. It is often said that "love is blind." It certainly seems to have been so in this case. Deeply in love with each other, and eager to be working together in the cause of Christ, the young man and woman were willing to make a great sacrifice in order to make their dreams come true. So with a twinge of sorrow and many misgivings, they agreed to the proposition, for popular custom had made it seem impossible to avoid the payment of the dowry and keep face.

After much effort the young man succeeded in borrowing from relatives about half the amount of money needed to pay the dowry. Of course, the several hundred lent to him would have to be paid back with interest. This was a common practice too, for few of the poor were ever able to get married without recourse to borrowing. Then the borrowed sum was taken to the father, who gladly accepted it with the very definite understanding that the rest of the dowry would be paid as soon as possible after the marriage.

Next came the wedding and the honeymoon. After that came the struggle long and almost unbearable to pay back the money that had been borrowed, plus the interest on the principal. In addition, the rest of the dowry exacted by the father must be paid. The salary of the young man was not enough to meet the demands thus made upon him, and the financial situation of the new family was desperate.

Worse, perhaps, was the young woman's awakening to the fact that she had been sold yes, really sold—by her professedly Christian father for money. And he did not hesitate to demand every penny of the price stipulated. Instead of helping and counseling the young man and woman in their plans for the future, the father, taking advantage of their inexperience and blind devotion to each other, had made a sharp bargain with them for money. And that money, as custom generally would have it, was to be kept for himself!

Cases of the kind described are common in many lands, even among some who profess to love God and their fellow men. In one case that I recall, the father, an ordained minister, gave his daughter in marriage in exchange for a very nice new house given him as the dowry. In other words, he sold his daughter for a house, which he kept for himself. It pains us to have to mention the fact that some professed Christian fathers have been guilty of selling their daughters, in most cases not realizing fully the evil of the practice, be cause it happened to be a popular custom among unbelievers. But we must not fear to call sin by its right name. In such cases as those cited, the word dowry has been abused and sinfully misused. In such cases the word price instead of dowry is the correct term to use, for the daughters were truly sold by their fathers for a price, whether for money or for lumber.

An Ancient Custom

Some civilized countries have discontinued the dowry in connection with marriage, because the covetousness of sinful men has abused it and perverted its use. The dowry is an institution of very ancient origin. We do not know exactly how far back in history it dates, but it was in use in patriarchal times. Jacob was required to give seven years of labor as a dowry in connection with his marriage to Rachel, and seven more upon taking Leah in marriage (Gen. 29: 15-20, 27-30). Hamor the Hivite offered a dowry when he asked Jacob's approval of the marriage of Shechem with Dinah (Gen. 34:12).

In the case of the marriage of Jacob to Rachel and Leah, we find that Laban, a very covetous man, kept for himself the wages corresponding to Jacob's labor instead of giving it to the daughters when they were married, as he ought to have done. This so embittered the daughters against their father, and so outraged their sense of justice, that when they decided to leave with Jacob, they angrily said of Laban: "Are we not counted of him strangers? for he hath sold us, and hath quite devoured also our money" (Gen. 31:15).

That is, Laban had treated his own daughters as it was then customary to treat foreign slaves. He had sold Rachel and Leah his very own children for the price of seven years of work on the part of Jacob for each of them. And he had kept the money for his own use!

The following comment from the Spirit of prophecy on the experience of Jacob and Laban shows what the real purpose of the dowry originally was, and how it was to be used:

"In early times, custom required the bridegroom, before the ratification of a marriage engagement, to pay a sum of money or its equivalent in other property, according to his circumstances, to the father of his wife. This was regarded as a safeguard to the marriage relation. Fathers did not think it safe to trust the happiness of their daughters to men who had not made provision for the support of a family. If they had not sufficient thrift and energy to manage business and acquire cattle or lands, it was feared that their life would prove worthless. But provision was made to test those who had nothing to pay for a wife. They were permitted to labor for the father whose daughter they loved, the length of time being regulated by the value of the dowry required. When the suitor was faithful in his services, and proved in other respects worthy, he obtainedthe daughter as his wife; and generally the dowry which the father had received was given her at her marriage. In the case of both Rachel and Leah, however, Laban selfishly retained the dowry that should have been given them; they referred to this when they said, just before the removal from Mesopotamia, 'He hath sold us, and hath quite devoured also our money/" Patriarchs and Prophets, pp. 188, 189. (See also The Spirit of Prophecy, vol. 1, pp. 110-112.)

According to this instruction from the Lord, the dowry was originally a fund entrusted by the bridegroom to the father of the bride until the marriage was consummated, and then the money was to be delivered to the bride when the wedding took place. The dowry money was not to be kept by the father of the bride; it was not his money. It belonged to the bride for whatever use she and her husband might wish to make of it after the wedding. Thus Laban was guilty of robbing his daughters of the money that was rightfully theirs, and in doing so he was selling them for a price.

In some countries it has been the custom in ages past, and in others it still is the practice, for a father to keep the dowry for his own use instead of giving it to his daughter when she is married. The results have been evil. Too often the father, eager to make the deal as profitable as possible to himself, is tempted to demand a heavy amount from the bridegroom. If his demands are not readily acceded to, the father delays in giving his consent as he dickers for the money, and the plans for the marriage are dragged out indefinitely until a bargain is struck. Too often the father refuses to consent to the marriage of his daughter to the worthy young man of her choice simply because he cannot give a large dowry; and pressure of every sort is brought to bear upon her to marry a wealthy young suitor whom she does not love, chiefly because he can give the covetous father a large amount of money in exchange for her hand. We know of cases that have had a very tragic ending because of this wrong concept of the dowry. The perversion of the use of the dowry from its original beneficent purpose is the result of the covetousness of sinful men and pagan influences. Among true Christians, especially Seventh-day Adventists, the practice of selling daughters for money ought not to be tolerated. If the original purpose of the dowry is carried out, this ancient institution can be made a blessing to all concerned. The young bride and her husband, upon receipt of the dowry money at their marriage, can begin their wedded life upon a sound financial basis and without the millstone of debt tied around their necks. The father of the bride can have the joy of having helped the newlyweds to get happily started on their life journey together.


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Pastor-Evangelist, Texas Conference

August 1954

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