IF THERE is one great spiritual mark above all others that distinguishes the holy men of the past, it is their complete confidence and assurance in God. Think of Job as he speaks with surety: "I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth: and ... in my flesh shall I see God" (Job 19:25, 26).
And Paul sums up the confidence of all the witnesses for God in New Testament days when he declares, "I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day" (2 Tim. 1:12).
"The test of our faith [and that of the people whom we are leading] comes not on the moun-taintop, but in the valley; not in the light, but in the darkness; not in the palace, but in the dungeon. When we stand in the presence of death—and the very word chills our hearts— we who name the name of Christ may claim the same assurance as did Job and Paul. Why not? What had they more than we? They had no different foundation for faith. They had no different God. They had no different Saviour. It is when we must commit loved ones to the earth that our hearts should ring with the truth, most sublime of all truths in the universe: 'I know that my redeemer liveth.' 'I know whom I have believed.' "—"We Sorrow Not as Do Others" in The Review and Herald, Jan. 27, 1949.
What a contrast this "I know" is to the "I don't know" of the world's greatest philosophers, who have ever been in doubt and uncertainty about the ultimate end of life. On approaching the great abyss each in turn has admitted that he has no knowledge of what is beyond. But the Christian pastor knows. He has an answer.
"Thus saith the Lord; Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears: for . . . they shall come again from the land of the enemy. And there is hope" (Jer. 31:16, 17).
Hope—what a wealth of meaning in a single word! We are living in a world of sin without hope, in a world continually darkened by death. There are no homes into which this enemy does not come sooner or later and take away some loved one, leaving hearts broken and spirits sad. There are no lives that death does not touch.
Although we live and work as members of a group, when it comes to the crises of life, each person is an individual. We come into this world as individuals and leave it the same way. Each must solve his problems and bear his grief by himself. The help of a minister in times of sickness and death is taken for granted. It is his duty to aid those who suffer bereavement to adjust to reality again, and to direct their thoughts to the Christian faith. Helping in the days of such crises tests the ability of the minister.
The Variety of Cases
During the comparatively brief period of my ministry I have been called to serve as pastor and friend in a wide variety of bereavement cases. There was a suicide; an atheist; the tragic triple death of a father, who was not a practicing Christian, and his wife and their teen-age daughter who were; the unexpected death of a loved child; the death of a young mother during childbirth; the untimely death of a young pilot who left a young wife and unborn child. There have been military funerals for sons killed in Korea, for brothers killed in Europe, as well as memorial services for sons and husbands whose bodies were never found. Each type of service requires a different approach, but there is a fundamental sameness.
Cooperation Between Minister and Mortician
The minister helping the bereaved must work in close cooperation with the funeral director. This is important. Each man has his special function to perform, and each of necessity must understand the other. Usually the mortician will check as to the preference of the clergyman. He will ascertain whether the minister prefers the lectern for the service or to stand without it. He will determine whether the minister prefers the use of earth or flowers, in the committal service, or neither one, and he will avoid suggestions as to the length or type of service.
In return the minister will thoughtfully refrain from entering into the discussion concerning caskets and funeral costs between the funeral director and the bereaved. Ministers often face the problem of dealing with people of low income who during their time of bereavement—partly because of grief and partly because of pride—will select a too-expensive service. The problem can be solved in advance by a private consultation between the minister and the funeral director, since the funeral director is limited in his knowledge of the financial standing of the family.
The Funeral Arrangements
If the pastor is present at the hour of death he will stay awhile to comfort the family. He may suggest that he return later to discuss arrangements for the funeral service. At a more convenient time the clergyman will return to the home and talk with members of the family. In this important hour the minister must be as skillful as the funeral director. During this visit he should secure the following information: Where the service will be held, the date, and the hour; whether another minister is preferred. If so, who is to invite him. Will a fraternal order be present; will it take part. Will there be music; if so, what kind. Who will secure the musicians. What hymns and favorite passages of Scripture are wanted. Is there to be a formal obituary and who will prepare it. Where the interment is to be. Ask for suggestions about the service and whether there is anything else the church can do.
When the minister leaves the home he should leave the family with the feeling that a close friend has been there, not a businessman.
Preparing the Obituary
Blackwood, in his book The Funeral, suggests that the obituary should be prepared if possible by some member of the family. If not, he says, it will be necessary for the pastor to do so. I have preferred doing this, for it helps me in the preparation of a more personal approach to the service. In addition to the full name of the deceased, secure the names of the immediate relatives, the place and date of birth of the deceased, the school or schools from which he graduated, the facts about his marriage and the children, information about his church life, facts about military service, if any, facts about fraternal affiliation, time and place of death, the favorite Scripture or hymn, and the personal attributes.
Funeral Message
I prefer to divide the funeral message into three parts. The first part is a tribute to the deceased, the second part is directed to the loved ones, and the third section is a general appeal to all present.
The service need not be more than fifteen to twenty minutes long. The funeral sermon should be a personal one, having a beauty all its own. It is not to be preaching, but a brief message of comfort and hope. It is not an evangelistic service, but a pastoral message. The only purpose is to comfort the sorrowing ones and prepare them for the days that lie ahead. The appeal is made to the heart. It should be both interesting and impressive, and it should contain something tangible for the loved ones to remember. As often as possible I use passages loved by the family, but in any event the scripture used should command attention and be easily remembered.
The pastor's delivery determines the effectiveness of the service. He should be free from notes and give a heart-to-heart message. He should speak clearly but never loudly. The messages should vary from one service to another, meeting human needs. Life-situation sermons are the most effective.
The Graveside Service
The climax of the funeral service is at the grave. The keynote of the message must point to the final emphasis on the resurrection of the body and future everlasting life.
Upon arrival at the cemetery the minister or ministers precede the casket to the grave. The mortician indicates the head of the grave, where the minister will stand. When everything is ready he makes it known to the minister, who will then conduct the service.
As to the length of the graveside service, it need not be longer than five or six minutes, although the weather may determine this. The most important thing is to send the people home thinking of life instead of death, and the hope of the future life rather than the loss they have suffered.
The order of service usually includes the following: Reading of Scripture (John 11:25: Rev. 1:17, 18; 14:13; 1 Cor. 15:51-57); repeating the committal; repeating the scripture, Revelation 21:3, 4; and the benediction. After the benediction it is customary for members of the family to go directly to the cars. However, they should be permitted to linger and talk if they so desire. If they seem uncertain as to what to do, the minister should offer to accompany them to their cars.
The Military Funeral
In reading the Army regulations we find that the one in charge may be a regular chaplain. He may be assisted by a civilian clergyman or the latter may serve alone.
The military funeral is made such by the presence of officers and soldiers in a body, showing honor to a fallen comrade, and the carrying out of certain symbolic routines prescribed by Army regulations, or sometimes by personal esteem.
These regulations will deal only with the military part of the service, and will not interfere with the religious part either at the church or the grave. The civilian minister should feel free to consult with the chaplain concerning proper procedures. If the civilian clergyman is in charge of the service he should not in any way give the chaplain the impression that he is not important.
When the body is brought into the church, the clergyman and the chaplain should precede the casket, with the honor guard lining both sides of the walk. When the honor guard has filed in and been seated, the chaplain may read the scripture and offer the prayer. The clergyman delivers the funeral message. Remarks must be in keeping with the occasion, and the prayer should be appropriate. When the service is concluded, the honor guard files out of the church and again lines up along the sidewalk. The clergyman and the chaplain precede the casket to the hearse.
After the civilian service is completed at the graveside, the military takes charge. The military salute of three volleys is given. Then the officer in charge, assisted by another soldier, takes the flag from the top of the casket and folds it into a triangle so that only the blue and the stars show. It is then presented to the wife or mother. In one such service, after the flag was presented to the young wife, the serviceman, a fellow officer and close friend of the deceased, upon seeing the grief of the mother, knelt before her, and removing his military gloves from his own hands, said with emotion, "I was a fellow officer and the best friend of your son. I want you to know what an inspiration his life was to all of us, and I would like to present you with my gloves, for it was my hand that last touched the hand of your son in life. I with you believe we shall see him again."
Funeral for a Suicide
One of the most difficult services any minister is called upon to conduct is that of one who has committed suicide. When he gets word of such a tragedy and makes his way to the home, he wonders what to say. What can he say? How can this difficult situation be met? The first thing for any minister to do in a situation like this is to pray for guidance. When he arrives at the home, he expresses his sympathy. When things quiet down and he has opportunity to talk to the bereaved, he could say something like this: "Your --------- was my friend.
We can both remember the good he accomplished during his lifetime. But he was worried and was certainly not himself. At a time like this it is good to recall the words of Abraham who said, 'Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?' (Gen. 18:25). God alone can read hearts, and someday we will understand. Until then we will leave it all in the hands of our Saviour, who is not willing that any should perish."
The funeral message is one that calls for comfort. This type of service will challenge the tact and ingenuity of any pastor. After the funeral the pastor can be a real help in guiding the loved ones as they make their spiritual readjustments. They must be made to feel the warmth of true Christian fellowship by all the members of the church. Suggested texts for such a time as this are Psalm 87:6 and Isaiah 42:16.
Cremation
The facts concerning cremation should become familiar to every minister. The term cremation relates to the practice of consuming the body and then preserving the ashes. Only about 3 per cent remains in the form of ashes. The place is called a crematory and it is frequently found in connection with a regular cemetery. The ashes are contained in an urn and the repose is in a columbarium. The minister may have reservations about such procedures. The Jews especially regard this as improper. But sooner or later a minister is likely to be consulted about a cremation service, or about what to do with the ashes that remain.
When the body is to be cremated the service may be held the day before. It may be held in the late afternoon or in some cases at night.
Whenever it is, the service is very much the same as though the body were to be buried. The final services are held after the cremation and are private at the columbarium.
The difficulties are largely psychological. The clergyman who has always thought of death as leading to burial may find in such circumstances nothing but unreality. If this is the case, let him remember the following truths, which are spiritual and vital: (1) God is as near to bereaved people in a columbarium as He is in a cemetery; (2) people are just as much in need of comfort before and after the cremation service as would be the case if the deceased were buried; (3) the clergyman should fix his eyes upon things that are unseen and eternal. In this way only can he bring to needy hearts the comfort that comes from God through the old way of the cross, which is ever new.
The minister must give hope beyond the tomb. Beyond the tomb there is resurrection— resurrection for all—life for those who have chosen it. Beyond the tomb there is reunion. Beyond the tomb there is restoration.
Ministering pastor, is the coming of Jesus your hope? Is He your Saviour? Your Redeemer? Has His love touched your heart and changed your life? Then you are ready to bring brokenhearted men and women to the arms and the love of One who was also acquainted with grief.
Why?
I asked God, "Why?"
My anguished soul
Had oft been tortured with this thought.
Why did it happen, God, to them,
The dearest ones on earth to me?
You've wondered why,
A thousand why's.
Your restless heart is seeking still
An answer to its questionings;
Its ache is still unhealed,
The fountain of your tears unsealed.
I cannot tell you why;
I do not know.
I only point to One
Who hangs upon a tree, sinless and pure,
Bearing our sin, forsook of God,
Force from His lips the awful cry,
"My God, My God, Why?"
No answer came—
He died that day.
Yet He had faith to trust His all
Into His Father's hand.
He rose again; He's coming soon.
Then trust Him, friend, for the day is nigh
When He'll give an answer to your Why.
For Further Reference
A Service Book (Chicago: The National Selected Morticians, 1943).
Blackwood, Andrew Watterson, The Funeral (Philadelphia: The Westminster Press, 1942).
Christensen, James L. Funeral Services (Westwood, N.J.: Fleming H. Revell Co., 1959).
Delong, Arthur Hamilton. Pastor's Ideal Funeral Book (New York: Eaton and Mains, 1910).
Irion, Paul E. The Funeral and the Mourners (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1954).
Leach, William H. Handbook of Church Management (Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice Hall, Inc., 1958).
Wallis, Charles Langworthy. The Funeral Encyclopedia (New York: Harper and Brothers, 1953).
