* The second in a series of four articles.
THE minister's wife is a homemaker plus—and how plus!
She is expected to be and do in her home what every other homemaker is and does, but more! More is expected of her than of others. She has to run a good home, be an expert in nutrition and a fine cook, rear children that are models, be a receptionist, answering the doorbell and telephone and dealing with numerous inquiries, and she is, of course, a good hostess, able at a moment's notice to whip up a delectable meal.
How do you feel about it? I have heard women say, "It is an imposition." I glanced lightly at an article in a women's magazine last month, written by someone who was asking the question, "What are you doing to your minister's wife?" It was nothing but a complaint list by a minister's wife who resented her husband's calling.
Another says, "He can do his work, and I'll do mine and run the home; but job and home must not mix."
But I have never heard a happy woman make any of these remarks. I believe that the woman who accepts the inevitable fact that the minister's home is not going to have the privacy of other homes is the happy woman.
How Can We Cope With These Extra Demands?
1. By being efficient. The minister's wife's home must run, not dawdle. You know as well as I that if you have to get to work, catch a bus, or meet an appointment, you do your work by that time. So this is our first rule for being efficient.
Set a goal. It may be interrupted, but interruptions must be an accepted part of the minister's wife's program. However, have a goal, and don't get frustrated if you can't reach it.
2. By keeping furnishings simple. Avoid things that take a lot of dusting and care.
3. By forming habits of tidiness in yourself (certainly) and (if you can) in the members of your family, even if it takes years. The rule should be to clear up after each activity. Put the book or paper away, straighten the pillows on the sofa when you get up, hang up towels.* Put clothes on hangers, et cetera.
4. By keeping clothing simple. Buy with an eye to easy care as long as it is consistent with good taste. Eliminate long hours at the ironing board.
5. By watching your movements to conserve steps and energy. A basket or box taken around while tidying up can eliminate going over the same ground to put things in their right places.
6. By planning your menus a week ahead. In this way you save cooking time, money, and trips to the grocery store.
7. By being a good hostess. The minister's wife's entertaining is not so much the roast-with-all-the-trimmings kind as the "Can't you stay to dinner (supper, lunch)" kind, even if you have to fix up a meal in twenty minutes. Aim to become an expert at preparing a meal at short notice. Keep a stock of things that can be quickly made into a meal—canned health foods, canned soups, macaroni products, canned or frozen fruits and vegetables. Always have lettuce, carrots, et cetera on hand to make an attractive garnish.
In Jamestown, Virginia, is the oldest church in the United States, and there is a tombstone there from which I copied these words that charmed me. Of the parish clergyman, the Reverend James Blair, it said, "He entertained elegantly, in a cheerful, hospitable manner, without luxury." Manses were the same in 1743 as they are in 1961. The atmosphere of hospitality will be achieved if you will practice the following:
1. Be always ready to receive callers. You may expect callers from 6:00 a.m. till 11:00 p.m. and even beyond these limits.
Let the room where visitors are received always be tidy. That doesn't mean that it must be a kind of reception room where no one else goes. But insist that clutter be kept out, order in.
2. Be tidy in appearance. This is one of the musts. She cannot afford to be seen in shorts or slacks or an unmended housedress. She MUST look neat when she answers the door. And it is possible. Have a mirror and a comb handy so that you can give yourself a two-second check over before answering the door!
Not only for the sake of her visitors but for the sake of her family must she look tidy. Her children's respect increases when she looks neat and tidy, and her husband is not tempted to ask, "Where is that neat and tidy girl I married?"
3. Be on time! Especially if you are entertaining a conference worker or fellow minister who has to get to another appointment. Punctuality is a priceless virtue in a minister's wife.
4. Be a good mother. Don't take on so many of these extra things that you have no time to be a good mother. After all, the Lord on judgment day is not only going to ask you about your church members but chiefly about the children He has given you. And the way you bring up your children is going to preach a stronger sermon than anything your husband may say in the pulpit.
5. Watch the worship hours. People will expect you to be at church services, but don't let public meetings take the place of home worship. Make religion attractive to your children in the home.
There are certain things that a minister's child should be taught:
1. To keep confidences. Although you do not tell them the sordid and unhappy things that come to you, they are bound to overhear a great deal. Teach them that they have a responsibility not to talk about these things.
2. To show compassion. Tell them to pray for people in trouble, to be kind to all, especially to those who are younger, smaller, or weaker than they are. Show them how necessary it is to be respectful and helpful to the aged and the sick.
3. To answer the telephone politely and efficiently when old enough, to identify themselves, obtain the caller's name, and to write down messages and telephone numbers correctly.
4. To keep themselves in the background when callers come, but to be pleasant and entertaining when the occasion demands it. Aggressively and obtrusively unruly children create really bad impressions.
The Need to Be a Good Financier
We minister's wives didn't marry for money obviously! But some women act as if they wish they had! Many a good man has been lost to the ministry because his wife was not contented with what she had.
Should the minister's wife work? Ideally, no; but sometimes necessity demands that she do so for a time. Heavy tuition fees, the financial support of parents, et cetera, may make it necessary. But these should be regarded as emergencies, and the earning of a second income as a temporary measure only. Sometimes the school desperately needs a teacher, or the conference office a secretary, and the minister's wife is asked to fill the gap. This is a question each must work out as a personal consideration. Sometimes the minister's wife is able to take part-time work, perhaps give a few music lessons, do occasional nursing, occasional supply teaching, et cetera, and so help make ends meet. But children want their mother to be at home, a minister wants his wife at home too, and the church wants its pastor's wife at home!
Keeping our wants limited is the best rule I know for keeping within the budget. Careful planning of food, home, and clothing needs is the answer. Good planning means that a minister and his wife never spend more than they earn, and always put by a little each payday.
Realizing that every penny saved means more for the Lord's treasury, helps us to economize.
The wife of a minister can do much if she will. If she possesses the spirit of self-sacrifice, and has a love for souls, she can with him do almost an equal amount of good.—Testimonies, vol. 1, p. 452.
The Lord has a wonderful way of supplying our needs if we determine to make the home an ideal home.
The minister's home is a watched home. Members watch us. The community watches us. We are watched by angels too. Let ours be the sort of home that angels love to look into.
Does the minister's wife feel overwhelmed sometimes with responsibilities at home, with the care of children, calls from the church, the need to do things to help her husband? Yes, she mav well feel burdened down, but she has a ready Helper, One to whom she has been invited to take all of her cares and burdens.
Let the minister's wife who has children remember that in her home she has a missionary field in which she should labor with untiring energy and unflagging zeal, knowing that the results of her work will endure throughout eternity. Are not the souls of her children of as much value as the souls of the heathen? then let her tend them with loving care.—Gospel Workers, p. 206.
The influence of the mother who has a close connection with Christ is of infinite worth. Her ministry of love makes the home a Bethel. Christ works with her, turning the common water of life into the wine of heaven.—Ibid.
