* This is the third in a series of four articles.
RUSKIN wrote, "You cannot think that the buckling on of the knight's armour by his lady's hand was a mere caprice of romantic fashion. It is the type of an eternal truth—that the soul's armour is never well set to the heart unless a woman's hand has braced it; and it is only when she braces it loosely that the honour of manhood fails."
I like to picture that knight and his lady of long ago. I can see him standing there in the vigor of his manhood, his thoughts on the battle ahead, while her gentle hands and her keen eye inspect his armor and make sure that nothing is going to come loose, that there is no chink through which some deadly spear's point can find its way.
To buckle on the armor! Yes, it may make the difference between life and death to that knight. To those of us who are, as Dr. Shirkey calls us, "ministers to the minister," it may mean the difference between spiritual life and spiritual death as to how we buckle on his spiritual armor.
How can we make certain that the knight's armor is well-buckled in place?
The ways are too innumerable to mention them all; besides, every knight's armor is of a different pattern and needs buckling on in a different way. But let us consider some.
How can we best help the ones we promised to love and cherish?
1. By being a good companion. We should willingly go with him in the same direction— heavenward. We had no right to take the marriage vows with him had we not loved his Lord, loved his people, as Ruth did Naomi's. We must share with him his passion for winning souls for the kingdom. We must pray together for the lost, the unhappy, the afflicted, the tried.
2. By realizing our responsibility in sharing burdens.
A responsibility rests upon the minister's wife which she should not and cannot lightly throw off. God will require the talent lent her, with usury. She should work earnestly, faithfully, and unitedly with her husband to save souls.—Gospel Workers, p. 202.
3. By being companionable. The real minister's wife must love her husband's work. She must be the sort of person he wants to tell things to. She must be "safe"; she must not demand to know everything, for there may be things it is better for her not to know, but what she does know she must regard as a sacred responsibility to keep in strictest confidence.
4. By being a good listener. An article for brides in Good Housekeeping a few years ago, entitled "It's His Homecoming," stressed the fact that when a man comes home he wants to come to a refuge, not a "trouble desk." The first few minutes he has at home, the writer of the article says, are the most important. What atmosphere do you provide to make him feel that home is what he visualized in his ideals before he was married? He may come home in a variety of moods—jubilant because someone shows signs of accepting the message, full of zeal because his plans for some betterment scheme are accepted, thankful because means have been provided, or doubtful because the way has been hard. Give him those first few minutes, give them to him to be just quiet, to pray perhaps, to sink into a welcoming chair, or to talk. Don't cross-examine, or bring up your news of the clogged drain, the new portulaca buds in the graden, the impasse with your adolescent daughter, the call from Johnny's teacher, et cetera. Save that until later. These are his minutes. Let him savor the taste of home, the refuge and sweetness of it.
5. By being interested. Know how to listen, whether it's the interpretation of a Hebrew word, the latest archeological discovery, the issue on the church building committee, the discussion that came up at the ministerial institute, the new book, the mysterious doings inside the motor of the car. Listen, as intelligently as you can!
6. By being cheerful and contented. Perhaps this should have gone first on the list. Sister White has more to say on the point of contentment than on anything else. And I am certain that more men have been lost to the ministry because of their discontented wives than for any other reason. Yes, we do live on small wages; yes, we do have to move often; yes, we do have homes which in one sense are not our own. But what are these weighed against the advantages? First, I would put the advantage, and that seems a small word for it, of living with a husband who, above all, places spiritual values first, a man who is a Christian. Then, because of him, you are in the grandest work, the work of soul saving. Because of him, you have many social contacts and often the privilege of travel. How can we list all the reasons why the minister's wife should be contented? And yet often, sad to say, she is full of self-pity.
7. By being helpful. Again we cannot list the many ways in which a minister's wife may help her husband in his ministry. For each shepherdess they are different. But being helpful in the more intimate ways is more important perhaps than doing secretarial work for the church or singing solos.
Learning to listen intelligently to his sermons and offering really worth-while criticism is one of them. Learn to criticize intelligently.
Criticize one thing at a time.
Logic, line or argument. Is it clear?
Balance of illustrations. Are there too many, or too few? Are they too long? Do they "fit" well?
Language. Is it pleasing and put together correctly?
Articulation. Is it clear?
Rise and fall of voice. Does he speak in a monotone?
Gestures. Are they graceful and natural?
But while acting as critic in chief, do so kindly and tactfully. Enjoy his sermons and learn from them. Be sure to tell him you do.
8. By being sympathetic and understanding about books. While wasteful expenditure on books is to be condemned, don't begrudge him useful ones, but do encourage him to think well before buying. Will the book he covets be useful twenty years hence?
9. By being helpful in finding materials, clipping, filing ideas, et cetera. The minister must always be alert for new illustrations of old truths. By observing and reading you can be of great help to him in gathering material for this purpose.
10. By giving him quietness. Please, please, give him quietness. He must think, study, pray. You alone can see that he has the place and time for this. And don't interrupt that time at all!
11. By being sympathetic with his endeavors. We women tend to be bound by a routine of numberless small jobs, but our husbands tackle mountains. When one of these arises in your path—building a new church school, redecorating or reconstructing, a major evangelistic effort, or maybe a small one, the preparation of a new kind of visual aid, a big visitation program, et cetera, accept it and help him with it all you can.
Be sensibly sympathetic in his frustrations and misunderstandings. We're all human, and some people have the gift of rubbing us the wrong way. Don't add fuel to the flame of his frustrations.
12. By watching his physical well-being. It means a lot to a man to have the things that are due to him—three meals a day, well planned, well balanced, well set, and well timed. In this modern age it is easy to forget the importance of a real mealtime. Happy the home that can have three meals a day when all can gather in a relaxed manner together and enjoy the food and one another.
13. By caring for his wardrobe. Don't let him have to worry about his clothes. Keep them clean and repaired and pressed, and don't ever let him think it is a burden to you to do so.
14.By keeping a good home. He may not notice that you polished the brass or cleaned the finger marks off the wall, or dusted the books, but he will be aware that something is not right if you don't do these things; so keep his home bright and shining, even if it has to be a little shabby after a few years.
And with all these, be yourself, the sweet girl that he was attracted to in college, who grows sweeter with each passing year.
