* The fourth and concluding article of this series.
The first time I was asked to alk to a group of ministers' wives, I naturally did a lot of heart searching, reading, pencil chewing, and a little sounding out of others on the subject. Of course, I turned to my husband for ideas. "What shall I say?" I asked him. "What's the most important thing?"
I had my own ideas of what he would say. Many hours on piano and organ benches made me think that he would say the first essential was for a minister's wife to be able to play at least a few hymns. Or would he say it was most essential that she be able to sing? I thought of the many, many times he had had difficulty finding soloists for our evangelistic meetings, and I thought he might say that an evangelist's wife should be a singer.
Would he say she must be a good typist, be able to cut stencils, run the mimeograph machine, be a profound thinker and teacher, appeal to the youth and children in the church?
No, he mentioned none of these as the most essential, although he thinks these are valuable attributes.
He said, "She should be nice to people." I had not expected that qualification to come first. That, I thought, was a kind of by-product, but it is the first essential and not such an easy one to learn either! A minister's wife must learn to love people and to be courteous and considerate at all times.
The first thing a congregation looks at in the minister is his ability to preach a good sermon. What they demand first of his wife is that she be pleasant, that she have a smile and a kind word for everyone. Simple? It may sound that way, and some seem to be born with the gift, but others, worthy shepherdesses no doubt, have to learn this simple art. The minister's wife must have a reputation for kindness and friendliness, and if she has this and lacks every other gift she will be a success. "In her tongue is the law of kindness," applies to her more than to anyone else.
Her friendliness must be expended on all— the little babe carried by its proud mother or father, the preschooler who just can't refrain from wriggling, the school children, the youth, the struggling young parents, the middle aged, the aging, and the aged.
I well remember a sharp rebuke for which I've been very thankful. It was administered at the end of my first year at my husband's side in the ministry. I had taken seriously the admonition we had been given in college to guard the young people, to provide recreation for them, to give them employment, to befriend them, et cetera, and I had done this. I truly loved the young people, and the children of the church were my joy and delight. But anyone over thirty I felt could look after himself. One day a gentle old lady came up to me and seized my hand as I was laughing and chatting with the MV leader. "I want to shake hands with you too," she said. "You are a good friend to the young people, but you forget us older ones." Not after that, however! I learned my lesson.
There are the "special people" to whom we must give attention. There are the people who talk and talk and talk some more. We have to be very tolerant of them, try to see why they talk so much, find what their needs are. Then there are the sensitive souls who are easily hurt, and the cripples, and the handicapped. The Lord has placed some of these people in the church to test our Christianity.
Then, perhaps hardest of all, there is the attractive woman (or should I say "attracted" woman). She is drawn to the minister as a nail is drawn to a magnet. The minister has helped her, changed some bitterness in her soul to sweetness, and he is her hero. At first you are glad and thankful. That's his work, you tell yourself. But then as she tries, much too hard, you decide, to repay him, you may resent the many favors and special attentions bestowed on him. You would not allow yourself to be called jealous, and you have not the slightest doubt about John. But watch yourself!
Then there are the sick people. The acutely sick, the imaginatively sick, and the chronically sick all need our attention. The acutely sick should receive our immediate attention. If we cannot visit them, we can send a get-well card or a message to assure them of our prayers, and if it is at all possible we should visit them. The shut-ins are often a neglected part of the church, and we must be sure that they are visited regularly and their needs taken care of.
Setting aside an afternoon a week to visit can be very rewarding and will tie the minister's wife to the church in a way that nothing else can.
A question that frequently comes up is whether the minister's wife should accept offices in the church. In a large churcli where there is plenty of leadership and talent it may not be either necessary or good policy to do so, but in a small church it may be unavoidable. There is no need for a Missionary Volunteer Society to be uninspiring, or a junior division to be boring, or a kindergarten division to be unattractive just because the minister's wife feels that she should keep out of office. However, she should train others to become leaders and be ready to let them take over as soon as they are able.
She should be willing and ready to use her own particular gifts in music, leading or teaching, organizing, public relations work, nursing, or home arts for the benefit of the church.
Most important of all, she should set a good example in having a Christian home, in following the principles of healthful living, keeping high standards of Christian dress and deportment, and engaging in the work of the church for the salvation of souls.
But while she does these things, the minister's wife must remember that it is not she who is running the church. That is the responsibility of her husband and the church board.
If she is fully consecrated and willing to be used she will soon find the ways in which she can best serve the interests of the church and help it to be the light it is destined to be in the community. May all our ministers' wives keep the light shining.
