The Place of the Minister's Wife in the Church and Community

The Place of the Minister's Wife in the Church and Community (Concluded)

Presented to an assembly of ministers' wives at the Columbia Union session, Atlantic City, New Jersey.

Bertha W. Fearing, Minister's Wife. Washington, D.C.

Strengthening the Church Program

As we become acquainted with our church and its people we may see ways in which the church program may be strength­ened. And we will also be ready to fill our own place in the pro­gram. There are avenues of serv­ice we might suggest in which the minister's wife may well lead out or help other women in the church to do so. Let us mention a few:

  1. As the pastor's wife you may organize a visitation program, visiting all the women mem­bers of the church, not with your husband but with one of the sisters of the church. You may choose an elder's wife or a deaconess, perhaps a different one each time, whoever you think will be strengthening as a friend to the persons visited that day. These are not gossipy, frivolous visits, but warm, friendly Christian visits to draw the women of the church closer together in the bond of fellowship.
  2. You may strengthen the health education program of the church, encouraging cooking and health-education classes. If there is no qual­ified dietitian or nurse available, the minister's wife may organize such classes herself if she is willing to study. Many of our members really need further health education.
  3. You may be a strength to the youth activi­ties, perhaps assisting in the Pathfinder work with special classes, such as courtesy and man­ners for both boys and girls, or with special crafts. This gives wonderful opportunity to gain the friendship of the young people.
  4. Members will greatly appreciate the times when both the pastor and his wife call at their home; especially is this true when there is illness or death, an aged person, or a shut-in. There are occasions when it is appreciated if you bring the children for brief calls. Some have never seen the pastor's family. And such visits also help the children to become understanding and sympathetic of others.
  5. You may have folks come to you for coun­sel. In this area I think we have to be careful we do not become involved in situations that would be better avoided or should be handled only by the pastor. The members should know they may always talk to you and that you will con­sider the conversation confidential and that you are a true friend. They know you love them, but it is also well for us to know when to withdraw in a gentle way and not become involved in more than we should.
  6. Your husband's work will be blessed, and he will find a warmer response on the part of the women of the church if you respond also when he makes an appeal for them to help in some special project.
  7. And, of course, there are the women's groups in the church, such as the Dorcas Wel­fare Society and the Health and Welfare Serv­ices, in which you will help as much as possible. In recent years the Health and Welfare Services of the church have expanded far beyond the work of the original sewing group and there is need for women of many different talents.

Works of Mercy in the Community

In many places we are just beginning to fill our true purpose of caring for those in need in the community and in the church.

Disasters have been on the increase in our own country as well as around the world, and our welfare groups have performed heroic deeds in many instances. The Red Cross has actually depended upon our organization in some places. When disaster struck in Chile it was our people to whom the Red Cross turned to serve as their emissaries. And in this country the Red Cross and our welfare workers often work side by side. We are learning the great value of pre­paredness, and now there is need for both women and men. Of all people who should be ready to help at such times, it is the Seventh-day Adventists, for we have known such trouble is coming upon the earth.

There may be a group of women in the church that could do much good in ministering to others in convalescent homes in the vicinity, in the county home, or even in the hospital for the mentally ill. You may help in getting such institutions organized. There are veterans' hos­pitals, children's hospitals or wards, and or­phanages that need help. The opportunities to minister to others seem to be endless—they are limited only by our time and willingness to serve.

We are told that the 58th chapter of Isaiah re­veals the kind of ministry that will bring life into our churches. Mrs. White says, "When we ask Him for our daily bread, He looks into our hearts to see if we will share the same with those more needy than ourselves."—Testimo­nies, vol. 6, p. 283. "Our souls must expand. Then God will make them like a watered gar­den, whose waters fail not."—Ibid., vol. 2, p. 36. If we feel dry spiritually, it may be we are thinking too much of ourselves.

Christ's Witnesses

And just what is the Adventist minister's wife's place in the community surrounding her home and her church? And in the larger com­munity of the city? We recall the quotation, "If you are Christ's follower, He sends in you a letter to the family, the village, the street, where you live."—Steps to Christ, p. 115. And our great desire is that as our non-Adventist associ­ates read that letter they will find us living the same kind of life Christ lived on earth—He who came "not to be ministered unto, but to minis­ter."

Are we tempted to think that the people in our community do not know who we are? Doubtless we would be surprised how soon peo­ple know about the minister's family. We moved to Washington almost five years ago into an almost non-Adventist community; there is one Ad­ventist family two doors from us, not a worker's family. I made friends with the neighbors on each side of us, and also with those farther down the block on the same side of the street. Across the street as we had been outdoors doing yard work, I had perhaps spoken or waved (we are on a rather wide, divided street). Then one day the woman from across the street and at the other end of the block came to my door, collect­ing for one of the campaigns. I invited her in, of course, and she commented on how much we had improved the house and yard since we moved in (and one way of being a good neigh­bor is to take care of your property), and then she said, "Your husband is a minister, isn't he?" I was really startled for a moment, for I had no idea that my faraway neighbor knew any­thing about us—but she did, and no doubt knew much more than she revealed. I then told her a little about my husband's work as we visited a little while.

So it is not presuming too much to feel cer­tain that the neighbors know who we are very soon after we arrive. At first they may even have some misgivings about a minister as a neighbor, so we may have to make the first move of friendship. But are there some definite suggestions we may consider as other opportu­nities in the community? I believe there are.

Civic Duties and Opportunities

First, I believe we should be good citizens. I think we should endeavor to partake in com­munity activities, without their becoming too time consuming. People realize you have re­sponsibilities that they do not have, but they appreciate your interest and support for the betterment of your community and city. Some­times, you know, we hear the criticism that Ad­ventists are too much to themselves; they don't help in civic affairs. Sometimes it is very easy for us to shake our heads and say, "My, my, aren't things in a bad way?" and then do noth­ing to better them. However, we know our church as a whole is becoming more favorably known. I have mentioned our services in time of disaster, and of course there is the good job our public relations folks do, our medical and temperance work around the world, and now more recently this Five-Day Plan to help smok­ers. Such services assure people we are inter­ested in their welfare in this present world.

I was glad when I was asked to solicit in my neighborhood for one of the campaigns—I believe it was the Heart Fund. It showed I was interested in other beneficial projects besides our own, and also gave me an opportunity to meet some people I did not know.

Some of our women have joined a garden club or other civic-minded clubs. In these clubs one becomes acquainted with a group apart from the circle she would ordinarily meet. If we feel we have time and would enjoy this contact, I think it is well to make a distinction between groups organized for community welfare and perhaps those that are merely social. Those would be much harder for us to fit into. But if you know of an organization you feel you could associate with, you might call the president and introduce yourself as the Adventist minister's wife. Say you have been reading about the club in the newspaper, and wondered whether you might be able to attend some of their meetings.

She can hardly say No. Then it's up to you to be friendly but not forward. Remember your purpose is to be a winsome example of an Adventist minister's wife, for it won't be long until the members of the club all know you as that.

When they become acquainted with you they may invite you to help in social-welfare activi­ties or ask your counsel in suggesting topics for programs. You may even be able to offer a guest speaker—perhaps a missionary to show pictures of his country or a doctor to lecture or a teacher or a writer.

I believe the church members, as a rule, favor the minister's family taking part in community activities if they do not become too time con­suming and take us away from church work, which should come first. I believe they realize we are endeavoring to be a witness in our com­munity.

Another avenue of service in the community is for the church to open its doors for classes in Red Cross first aid or home nursing. Or cooking and nutrition classes. I know one pastor of a large church in this union who, himself, dons the chef's apron and cap and draws a large at­tendance at his cooking school. His wife assists! The church members love it, the community ap­preciates it, and so do the newspapers!

Hospital Work and Outside Associations

Have you thought of making a few calls in your local hospital each week? Not just to people whom you know, or your members—but ask at the desk (after introducing yourself) for names of those who receive few callers or would appreciate a visitor; try to do it regularly and after a while those at the hospital will have peo­ple in mind especially for you to see. After talk­ing with the patient a few minutes you may ask if you could offer a prayer. Don't talk about your religion; just make a brief, Christian call.

Perhaps some of you have associated with ministers' wives of other faiths in your commu­nity. In one city where we were, the ministers' wives of different churches met for brunch once a month in different homes, and the pastor's wife and I were invited to attend. It was really very interesting, and we had many enlightening conversations during the time I was in the city. Each woman was to offer her home for a meet­ing, and my turn came; in fact, I entertained them twice. Of course, by that time they knew we ate differently. I did want to serve an attrac­tive meal, but of course it had to be without coffee. One time I served Kaffir tea and the other, hot chocolate. The hostess who enter­tained the group also was expected to arrange a little program. On one occasion I showed one of our good films; another time, pictures of our Navaho Indian work.

I believe association and friendship with the ministers' wives in your community may be very worthwhile; there are many devoted and dedi­cated Christian women in these other churches.

"It is through the social relations that Chris­tianity comes in contact with the world. . . . Christ is not to be hid away in the heart and locked in as a coveted treasure."—Testimonies, vol. 4, p. 555.

One thing we should remember amid all the little duties and details we may encounter in our busy and varied program is that the primary purpose of the church is to witness to the world of Jesus' transforming grace, and endeavor to do it in such an attractive way that they too will desire it. They too will "taste and see" that the Seventh-day Adventist Christian way is the good and right way.

If the task sometimes seems more than we can manage, we need not be concerned. "When the love of Christ is enshrined in the heart, like sweet fragrance it cannot be hidden."--Steps to Christ, p. 77.

"We can pass through this world but once; as we pass along, let us make the most of life. The work to which we are called does not re­quire wealth or social position or great ability. It requires a kindly, self-sacrificing spirit and a steadfast purpose."—The Ministry of Healing, p. 355.

And may I suggest that you read again when you return home the words on pages 465, 466 of Testimonies, volume 2, where Mrs. White speaks of the mission God has assigned to us as women.

As far as possible we as ministers' wives like to make our contribution to the church in a place where we personally gain the most satis­faction or where our background or experience enables us to make what we feel would be our best contribution. And I believe we should not feel we are being selfish when we do this. On the other hand, we often have to learn to do things of which we know little or from which we shrink. We may consider ourselves eminently qualified to be either a Martha or a Mary, but the minister's wife soon discovers she has to be both. We may have to learn how to be one or the other, and we can, for the needs of the church and the congregation must be considered ahead of our natural desires. Sometimes our most rewarding experiences come as a result of challenges that originally we did not wish to accept.

In Conclusion

Yes, a wife's ministry differs from that of her husband, but her heart beats with the same de­sire to serve the people they love, and she daily asks God to show her how to fill her place and serve to His glory in the church and community. Her work may not be a public one; I think there are but few wives who would not prefer to serve quietly and inconspicuously. But if God calls us to witness for Him in other avenues, then we pray for grace and remember that "all His biddings are enablings."


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Bertha W. Fearing, Minister's Wife. Washington, D.C.

August 1963

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