For more than thirty years I have been married to a worker's wife. It has been a rich experience and I want more of it with the same sweet woman. No one else! In thirty years I should have learned enough to speak intelligently to the husbands of these fine women. And this I should be doing today. Just why I am talking to workers' wives is one of those inexplainable things.
A man can never know what it is like to be the wife of a minister, physician, or teacher. Only you ladies can know that. And certainly you do know hits joys and sorrows, its challenge and sacrifice, its ivory towers and lowly dwelling places, its loneliness and heartaches, its frustrations and privileges.
Take the pastor's wife, for example. What privileges are hers! In a very real sense she is the first lady of the church. The church members look to the pastor's wife and expect her and the children that the Lord has given her to be a show window in which the preacher's merchandise—that is, his preaching and instruction—is on exhibit. And if she is not a good window dresser she will be criticized. Naturally he will be criticized too. This should not be, but nevertheless it is.
The minister's wife is like a canary in a cage, or like a goldfish in a bowl, with little more privacy. Yet she is expected to be beautiful and composed, self-possessed under all circumstances, her dress impeccable, her diet exemplary, her face free from the extras that symbolize worldliness, an example to the flock. Her speech will be watched and it should be perfect, the training of the children flawless. And so it goes. This is what some people at least expect of pastors' wives. But this should not surprise us. And why? Let us stop and think a moment.
You knew what you were doing when you married that man—the preacher. You loved him.
You knew he was going to be a pastor. You were a dedicated person yourself and you wanted to serve the cause of God. So you did not walk into this blindly. His work is in a very real sense your work too. Love for him will make responsibilities not only easy but challenging.
You and your preacher husband are pilots of the congregational aircraft. He is the pilot; you are the copilot, and in a sense the navigator. With your womanly sensitiveness and intuition you can detect atmospheric turbulence and local weather conditions better than he can. It is your job to relay this information to the pilot, so that he can avoid the storms. With that built-in radar of yours, and with your close connection with Jesus Christ, you can save the pilot and the aircraft from disaster.
But, please, ladies, don't see a storm in every cloud. It is easy to magnify little difficulties in the church and make them look like tornadoes. Keep your eye on the cloud; watch it, but don't say too much. There is a very real strategy in ministerial labors.
It is this: Be prepared for the worst but look for the best. There is such a thing as sanctified shoulder shrugging. Most worries do not materialize. But, of course, do not ignore potential dangers.
"It must needs be that offences come" Jesus said. It is just the very nature of the sky to have clouds. Keep your husband posted on what is brewing. Let him know about the local weather scene as he flies the aircraft, but be a cheerful copilot.
Don't be overly sensitive. This is particularly true of young ministers' wives. Relax.
Even though some of the problems may have been created by your husband's poor judgment, don't get all steamed up about it.
Take your burdens to the Lord. He will help you. Pray for the church. This will do more good than worrying and fretting. Now it is possible that some of you here never wanted to be a preacher's wife in the first place. Remember this—it may be that your husband never wanted to be a preacher! But the Lord planned for him and he accepted the divine call. Have you accepted it? Accept the responsibility and be adjustable. You can learn to really love it. A wife who drags her feet in the sacred task of true ministry is in need of conversion. Your husband has problems enough. He should not have this type of problem in the home to worry him.You should remember always that you are a woman and your husband is a man.
You are not an angel, neither is he. It is true that he is a preacher and that you are a preacher's wife. Both of you occupy positions of holy estate. But marriage is a holy estate too, and the Scripture has declared that "marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" (Heb. 13:4).
You are still human beings with the need for love. Love your husband. Cheer his heart with your affection. Be warm, be willing, not grudging; withhold not yourself from him. Don't make it easy for him to look elsewhere for love. With a church full of women, the devil can put ideas in his head. If you are smart, the devil will not have many opportunities to do this.
Remember, love is more than physical, it is spiritual and elevating. It lifts up to God. Not only the physical but the spiritual union of the pastor and his wife should correctly symbolize the real union of the church with Christ. Be spiritually-minded. Not only should you and he have worship together morning and evening, but in your private moments of devotion become acquainted with the Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy writings so that you can help him and enter in with him into his theological and spiritual interests.
I once heard my pastor's wife present a discourse on the Bible to a group of college students that was profoundly theological. This girl could have been a theologian herself. She knew the Bible doctrine. She was a thorough-going Seventh-day Adventist.
If your husband is inclined to be a philosophical preacher—bring him down to earth. Tell him that you appreciate his efforts to help the people, but he could help them more if he would preach Adventist and not Methodist or Presbyterian or Congregational sermons. Adventist sermons will make Adventists. Adventist sermons will keep our people Adventists. In this age, when the winds of doctrine are blowing, be a good copilot; keep your husband on the beam. Keep him solid in his Adventist theology and thinking and emphasis. Doubtless he is an avid reader. Urge him to become mighty in the Scriptures and well acquainted with the Ellen G. White books. He should own The Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary and not spend too much time reading the works and sermons of other preachers. There is room for this, but not too much. He should be an individualist, working up his own sermons, creating a style of his own, an approach, an appeal, that is distinctive.
Now, just a word about the preacher's wife and her duty to the church as compared with her duty to her children. Many a pastor's wife finds difficulty in dividing time, talent, and affection at this point. Let me ease your mind. Your first obligation is to your children. The best service that you can render to your church is to keep your children in the way of the Lord. Take them with you to meetings, even though they are very young. This is the way to teach the church, to be a good pastor's wife—by being a good mother.
There will be opportunity to serve in the Sabbath school, the MV Society, or to hold office as church clerk, perhaps, or in some other capacity, but your first job is to keep your family together in the love of God. It is really amazing how the devotion of a pastor's wife to her little ones fits in with her business as the queen of the church. Her husband preaches on the Sabbath. She takes the children to the services, and in doing so the mothers and fathers observe her loyalty and carefully watch her discipline and habits of worship. Is there any way she could better discharge her responsibilities as the pastor's wife?
The pastor ministers to the people; you minister to him. This is a responsibility that you cannot, must not, overlook, neglect, or transfer to another.
Perhaps he will resent or seem to be unappreciative of your efforts to counsel and guide him; but, remember this, you are to be persistent, tactful, diplomatic, and lovable. There is such a thing as a wifely vivacity that charms and thrills a husband's heart. Be enthusiastic and vital. Enter into your husband's joys and responsibilities and feelings. "Let's do it this way, dear," or, "Why can't we approach the situation like this?" The question approach will transfer ideas and help your man to be the best preacher in the world, and the best soul winner too. And this is his first business—to win men for God.
Try to get away for recreation one day a week, Mondays preferably. Urge your husband to spend time with the children at night, at least one night at home with the family all together. In those social and happy periods talk much about the glories of heaven and the new earth and thus keep alive in your hearts the hope of the second advent of our Lord.
So God love and keep you—copilot, minister's minister, companion, friend, and helper. Your husband needs you. Help him to be a man of great spiritual power.
