THE difference was in our mothers," said a woman in answer to the query as to what makes the difference in children. "I will answer your questions with a personal example, my husband's family and my own." This story as printed in a newspaper column highlights the enormous effect of parents' words and actions in day-to-day living. According to this woman's experience it is how fathers and mothers relate themselves to the frequently encountered home situations that count. She continued her remarks by saying that her husband and she had been raised in similar homes, two-room shacks. They had the same type father who was seldom home. Her mother served beans and more beans with a smile. They wore clothes made from sacks, but they were starched and ironed. Mother told stories and made paper dolls. It never occurred to them that they were poor. Her husband's mother was different. Haphazard meals were served with complaints about their "no good father." There was no singing or candy making. In this woman's own home her husband complained so much that she fed the children before he came in, that there might be laughter instead of grumbling to accompany the meal. Her love cast a warm glow over the lives of her children.
Joan Beck recently reported in the Washington Post some revealing results of studies carried out by Dr. Robert D. Hess of the University of Chicago. Dr. Hess, chairman of the committee on human development at the university, says the language used by parents largely determines what and how a child learns. It can encourage or discourage thinking. He states that mothers by the use of language can encourage a child to reflect, to anticipate the consequences of his actions, to avoid error, to choose alternatives. For example, Dr. Hess elaborates, a young child is playing noisily with pots and pans in the kitchen. The telephone rings. In one type of home the mother says, "Be quiet" or "Shut up." In another the mother asks the youngster, "Would you be quiet a minute? I want to talk on the phone." Dr. Hess explained that in the first instance the child has only to obey a command. The second youngster has to follow two or three ideas. His mind is more stimulated. He must consider the effect of his action on another person and must relate his behavior to a time dimension. "There is another method of changing the shape of things to come than just raw advice for both kids and grownups. And that is the field of tactful suggestion," said Herbert Hoover.
A teacher for forty-eight years, Grace S. McKenna's basic teaching philosophy is simple. She believes in the individual. "You must always expect the best of every child." To expect the best parents must set a good example. It is perfectly normal for a day to include frustrations. When children misbehave there will be a vastly different atmosphere around the home if, instead of becoming angry and scolding, mother makes an intelligent attempt to control the situation.
Ellen G. White has emphasized that Satan's object for the breakdown of society is to attack the home. The breaking up of families strikes at the heart of God's people. A well-ordered home is worth more than all the sermons.
"Many unbelieving parents manage their children with greater wisdom than many of those who claim to be children of God. They take much pains with their children, to make them kind, courteous, unselfish, and to teach them to obey, and in this the unbelieving show greater wisdom than those parents who have the great light of truth but whose works do not in any way correspond with their faith."
Parents have so little time, the briefest moment that vanishes like smoke. Some one has said that the measure of a life is its donation, not its duration. You may not be a reincarnated Socrates but, mothers, it's what you do and say in day-to-day communication with children that counts.
