PERIODICALLY a letter comes to my desk unsigned, anonymous. Some times it is a crank letter written by some one who does not have the moral courage to speak his mind and sign his name to it. This kind receives the sort of treatment it deserves. But once in a while one comes that is the outpouring of a troubled heart, and because of the nature of the problem no names are mentioned, not even the name of the writer.
I received such a letter some weeks ago. It was from a deeply concerned wife, who for many years has been watching her preacher-husband follow a. practice that, to say the least, lays him wide open to suspicion. She writes of his "girl friends," usually very attractive young women church officers who receive very frequent and at times, very late at night, personal attention. This kind of situation has developed at nearly every place where he has pastored and, in spite of the talk by the members of the church and the deep hurt felt by his wife, he continues to involve himself in such a situation.
The question, What is a wife to do under such circumstances? Shall she tell her conference president? Should she report this to the conference committee? Having spoken about this to her husband on a number of occasions, what other avenues are open to her? She loves her husband but has come to doubt his faithfulness to her and to his high calling. What is she to do?
Immediate Action Should Be Taken
My first suggestion would be that she go without delay to her conference president and lay the whole matter be fore him, giving all the facts, not only in regard to the current situation but to those that have preceded as well. For the sake of the cause of God, the protection of the spiritual life of the church and the sanctity of the home, this is the line of duty she should follow. She should pray for her husband and for herself under these tragic circumstances. But such a situation should not be permitted to continue. There is too much at stake. It is better for such a man to be out of the ministry than to bring reproach upon the cause of God and cast reflection on all other ministers by thoughtless, if not downright sinful, behavior.
Be on Guard
In this editorial I would like to appeal to all of our ministers everywhere and at all times to close the door to such temptation and to such a potentially explosive situation. Our ministers must not allow themselves the doubtful luxury of special "girl friends," not even church officer "girl friends." This is surely to open oneself to suspicion and doubt regardless of how pious a man may appear to be. This kind of thing cannot always be kept in the dark. It cannot always be kept on a professional level. There is great danger of becoming emotionally involved. It is not always true that "familiarity breeds contempt." It may at times, and often does, bring temptation. Many a minister has lost his way, broken up his home and a number of loving hearts, by such behavior.
Then, too, why should any minister want to breed unhappiness in his own home? Any man who acts in a familiar way with another woman is sure to raise doubt in the mind of his wife. The pro longed handshake, the intimate conversation, the familiar bantering, the ex change of knowing looks, and many other such indications, tell a story that no amount of denial or protestation of innocence can suppress. The home is too valuable, the influence and position of leadership too sacred, to engage in such a risk. Every consideration must be directed to maintaining our love relation ship with our companion. Nothing must be allowed to come in that will weaken it. Our effectiveness in the cause of God is directly related to the sanctity of the marriage relationship and the home. Mutual trust, love, and understanding should mark such a relationship between husband and wife if true happiness is to be secured and maintained.
Confidence, a Necessity
But there is another factor. The one thing that a minister must have if he is to accomplish a spiritual work for his people, is their confidence. When this is lost he might as well move on. He can do nothing that will build up the cause of God or the faith of his people. He can afford to have his methods, programs, plans, and ideas questioned, but never his integrity, never his morals. When his integrity is called into question he has lost his capacity for good and is of little or no value to the work of the gospel. Interpersonal relationships, especially with the opposite sex, deserve careful and determined study and decision. "Avoid the appearance of evil." "Touch not, taste not, handle not." This is good counsel and we would all be wise to practice it. The husbands in our churches must never be given any reason to fear that their wives and their home would be in danger if their minister was around.
A minister's influence in the community is destroyed if it is known, and it often is, that his "girl friends" are receiving attention from him. Neighbors see, neighbors, too, are suspicious, and neighbors do talk. This kind of thing spreads throughout a community so quickly that it is impossible to stop it. No amount of denials, no efforts to counter act it can help. When one's influence is in question, when one's integrity is doubted, he is no longer able to make a meaningful contribution to the life in that community. This, surprisingly, is still true, despite the permissiveness and sexual freedom that seem to characterize our society at present. Such a person may not be condemned, he may not even be censured. People may even think that he is being short-changed at home. But when it comes to helping people in their spiritual needs he is just not wanted, and this is as it should be. We would not want it otherwise.
Oh, somebody says, "Why do you make such a fuss over an anonymous letter? Surely there are not very many ministers involved in a situation like this." To this we can say, "Thank God, we believe this is true," but in reality just one such situation is too many. And there is a danger that our ministers shall be come careless in this very sensitive area of their relationship with other people. So let me appeal to you, my dear brethren in the ministry, Keep yourself pure. Give no occasion in anything for the the ministry to be blamed. Break off every relationship that can undermine confidence in you. Safeguard and foster the interests and sanctity of your marriage relationship and your home and your children. Do not let a moment of carelessness result in broken hearts, broken vows, and a broken home. Be holy men of God speaking as you are moved by the Holy Ghost. Under no circumstances or conditions allow your self to become a stumbling block to any one, anywhere, at any time.
You see, God sees too. He knows. We are His witnesses. We are engaged in His service. We are of great concern to Him. Through us He wants to demonstrate His power to save man. He needs clean, holy vessels.
