WE MINISTERS, regardless of the academic sophistication that seems to crown with a halo the art of counseling, are often faced with the need to counsel. In our attempts to help people solve their problems, we face certain pitfalls as counselors. Our calling as undershepherds does not guarantee immunity to falling into these traps. The casualty list is growing longer with the inevitable ugly scars being left on both ministers and members. Since every body loses in these wrong types of counseling sessions, the minis try of this church should continually refresh their minds as to God's plan for helping people. If His instruction is sought and heeded the church will be spared from an enormous amount of heartbreak and disillusionment.
If you have not as yet read Colin Standish's article, "The Perils of Counseling," on pages 14 and 15 of the February issue, please do so before the sun rises again.
Jesus plainly told His disciples that He was sending them "out as sheep in the midst of wolves" (Matt. 10:16, R.S.V.). In this rebellious world of ours there are far more wolves than there are sheep. In fact, everybody is born a wolf and stays a wolf unless the new birth transforms him into a sheep. So we have murderous, cheating, lying, thieving, lustful wolves roaming our planet. Many of these wolves have deep desires to do what is right but they are morally frail. This type of wolf can be more dangerous than the obviously vicious ones.
There are some wolves who haven't the slightest idea they are wolves. They feel certain they are sheep. Occasionally when they smile before a mirror one of their fangs may partially show, but memory is short and eyes see what they want to see, so they merrily go their way thinking they are sheep.
Special Temptations
Picture a preacher who should be a sheep himself trying to handle these wolves as they come to him for help. Even the strongest of us is constantly in danger, especially in certain types of counseling situations. Regardless of how good a sheep we may be, we have the warning that "Satan's special temptations are directed against the ministry. He knows that ministers are but human, possessing no grace or holiness of their own; that the treasures of the gospel have been placed in earthen vessels, which divine power alone can make vessels unto honor. He knows that God has ordained ministers to be a powerful means for the salvation of souls, and that they can be successful in their work only as they allow the eternal Father to rule their lives. Therefore he tries with all his ingenuity to lead them into sin, knowing that their office makes sin in them more exceeding sinful; for in committing sin, they make themselves ministers of evil." --Gospel Workers, p. 124.
Let's alter the picture a bit. What if the preacher is a wolf in sheep's clothing, and another wolf comes to see him? All too often the carnal natures of both wolves cause a problem, especially if the wolf seeking help is an attractive female with a problem related to sex. Or worse still, what if a needy sheep comes to a wolf-type minister? This is putting it bluntly, but the agonizing problems that so often result from non-Christian techniques of counseling warrant stating the case plainly. It is our desire especially to spare our younger ministers the trauma of moral shipwreck. Certain basic rules must be adhered to for safety's sake by our workers, no matter what their age.
Obviously, the minister needs to be a converted man. This is the first prerequisite of a Christian counselor. This truth is inherent in Jesus' warning that we are sheep in the midst of wolves.
Christ added a second qualification. "Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves" (Matt. 10:16, R.S.V.). The serpent, the accepted emblem of wisdom, is a wary, sharp-sighted creature. It seems to have an innate ability to sense danger and the skill to quietly glide away from it. Combine these qualities with the dovelike elements of simplicity and harmlessness and you have a sensible formula for genuine goodness. Our hearts need to cry out to God continuously for help to make us perceptive as serpents and guileless as doves!
Christ's serpent-dove analogy is so applicable in the minister's dealing with those of the opposite sex. Standish points out that "in the type of counseling that so often is involved today, the counselor very frequently is confronted with counselees who pour out the most vivid details of their immorality and of their lives of sin and debauchery."
It is my conviction that all minister-counselors, trained or untrained, degreed or nondegreed, should follow carefully the advice given to a conference president by Ellen White:
"If any woman, no matter who, casts herself upon your sympathy, are you to take her up and encourage her and receive letters from her and feel a special responsibility to help her? My brother, you should change your course with regard to such matters, and set a right example before your brother ministers. Keep your sympathy for the members of your own family, who need all that you can give them.
"When a woman is in trouble, let her take her trouble to women. If this woman who has come to you has cause of com plaint against her husband, she should take her trouble to some other woman who can, if necessary, talk with you in regard to it, without any appearance of evil.
"You do not seem to realize that your course in this matter is exerting a wrong influence. Be guarded in your words and actions."--Evangelism, pp. 460, 461.
Send Women to Women
Note God's recommendation that we send maritally troubled women to other women. Even here, however, one must make certain that the woman to whom we send them for help is stable and spiritually mature. What a wonderful blessing it is when a minister has a consecrated, knowledgeable wife who can help the women members with their intimate problems.
The above admonition may seem Victorian but it is more valid today than ever before. We live in a raw, open society. Chatter about sex and sex problems is about as common and frequent as radio- TV weather forecasts. Whether it be among the sophisticated or the subcultured, negative attitudes toward sexual promiscuity and perversions are in the minority. Our society is no longer living in the middle of a sexual revolution. The revolution is all but over, and the sexually promiscuous and perverted have pretty well won the battle. I am appalled at some of the so-called Christian literature dealing with marriage and sex relations that is currently coming off the presses. It is a strange, vile mixture of purity and rottenness. In the midst of this sex cesspool it is particularly mandatory for us as ministers to be as careful as possible in our counseling procedures.
In view of the rapidly deteriorating moral standards that characterize our society, the following guidelines for ministers who must counsel the women members of their flocks should be carefully considered and practiced.
1. Have someone such as your wife or local elder with you when calling on the women members of your congregation who are likely to be alone.
2. When counseling a woman in your church office, leave the door ajar.
3. Always refuse to meet a woman who desires counseling under clandestine circumstances. Isolated locations or the automobile are extremely poor places for such counseling.
4. If a woman "manifests undue affection and mourns that her husband does not love her and sympathize with her, do not try to supply this lack. Your only safe and wise course in such a case is to keep your sympathy to yourself. Such cases are numerous. Point such souls to the Burden Bearer, the true and safe Counselor." --Testimonies, vol. 5, p. 598.
5. Keep your hands off the opposite sex. A pat on the back or a squeeze of the arm, innocent though your intentions may be, has more than once started a disastrous chain of events.
6. Watch your words carefully. Frivolous conversation, seemingly innocent at first, can lead to problems later. Joking usually has a tendency to break down barriers.
7. Never encourage individuals to go into detail regarding some sinful episode they have experienced. Rather, use tact in discouraging those who are anxious to divulge everything.
8. "Rebuke the woman who will praise your smartness, holding your hand as long as she can retain it in her own. Have little to say to persons of this class; for they are the agents of Satan, and carry out his plans by laying be witching snares to beguile you from the path of holiness."--Evangelism, p. 679.
9. Never divulge any of your failings, secrets, or the intimate personal details of your own marriage relationship.
10. Direct women with sexual problems to your wife or some competent woman counselor whom you know to be spiritually sound.
Although the above guidelines may seem to be archaic non sense to some, the example set for us 2,000 years ago cannot be improved on. "He manifested consistency without obstinacy, benevolence without weakness, tenderness and sympathy without sentimentalism. He was highly social; yet He possessed a reserved dignity that did not encourage undue familiarity."--Evangelism, p. 636.
