We're interested in how you, as a busy mother in your earlier years, were able to help your husband in his various responsibilities. First of all, tell us about your family. How many children do you have?
Mothers and grandmothers like to speak about their children and grandchildren, and I'm a typical mother. We have two fine sons, their two lovely wives, and seven grandchildren—the perfect number.
John Duane was born at Collegedale, Tennessee, while my husband was a student there, and Bob was born four and one-half years later in Surat, India, during our first term in the mission field. John is now a physician living in Florida, and Bob teaches at Andrews University. Our four grand daughters and three grandsons bring real joy into our lives by writing to us frequently and coming to see us.
How have you been able to help your husband in his responsibilities as pastor, evangelist, over seas administrator, and General Conference president?
I enjoyed the years my husband and I spent in pastoral and evangelistic work. We could work together in a way that we've been unable to do in any other type of work. In our first pastorate he was the pastor and I the church school teacher, and we helped each other. He shared the teaching duties and I helped with Bible studies and evangelistic meetings. Those were depression days and our combined salary was $65 a month. We somehow managed, though we had very little, and even hired a girl to clean house and keep an eye on our small son. Each week day morning I taught the thirteen church school pupils while Robert prepared sermons and radio pro grams. He supervised John's care in the morning. I came home at noon, and he went to teach the afternoon classes at the church school. We had Bible studies and evangelistic meetings in the evenings.
Soon Robert was called to the Georgia-Cumberland Conference to serve as home missionary and Sabbath school secretary. A year later we received our call to the Southern Asia Division, where my husband served as pastor of the Bombay church. Again we worked together in pastoral visitation and evangelistic efforts. I confess I prefer this type of work.
Later, Robert was called to his first duties in South India and has been in that work most of the time since then. I remained at home, and supervised our son's education. Some of the time we worked through the Home Study Institute, which is a wonderful help to mission field mothers. We always entertained guests—mission workers traveling about in the field. At times our home seemed like a small hotel. We were privileged through the years to become acquainted with hundreds of workers in our home and our sons met scores of our leaders and listened to their conversations at mealtime.
When the boys were ready for academy I did the usual necessary part-time work in our offices to help out with expenses. Then, of course, there were opportunities for missionary work in our local church and neighborhood. Perhaps the best contribution to my husband's work, whatever his position, was just to adapt to the circumstances and keep letters going to the traveling husband, encouraging him when he needed it. I might just say here, he has really done a wonderful job of taking care of me and supervising our personal business from a distance—and keeping my mailbox filled.
At one time you served on The Ministry staff, didn't you? What was your responsibility?
Yes, I enjoyed working with The Ministry staff and caring for the "By His Side" section. I think the part I really enjoyed the most was my contact with the ministers' wives in the field.
What work are you now involved in?
I do research for Listen Fingertip Data, a service conducted by the Temperance Department.
As wife of our General Conference president and being so actively involved in the work of the Temperance Department, do you find any time to engage in the work and missionary activities of your local church in Beltsville, Maryland? If so, what kinds?
At the present time I do substitute teaching for an adult class in the Sabbath school. When Ingathering season comes I enjoy meeting people and working with our church members. Recently we opened our home for a neighbor hood gathering during Christian Unity Week and two other General Conference workers' wives and I went to the homes in the neighborhood to invite people to come. I really like getting acquainted with the people in our neighborhood.
What qualities do you feel are essential to being effective as a minister's wife?
This isn't an easy question for a minister's wife to answer. Far more important than what I feel are essential qualities for the minister's wife is what God expects of us and what He will develop in us if we give Him a chance. Dwelling too much on a list of the wonderful characteristics and qualities a minister's wife should have tends to discourage me, and I wonder if other women do not feel as I do. Every one of us brings to the minis try our own individual talents and personalities that are the basis for our development. We grow into the work along with our husbands and as we do our best, God develops in us what He sees that we need for His service.
I think we all agree that a minister's wife first of all should love people, and be willing to spend her time and strength in helping them. No amount of striving on our part can give us this love—it comes from God. Yet, we do our part in seeking contacts with others and not shutting ourselves away from those who need our help.
Another necessary characteristic for her is adaptability. Can she adapt to various circumstances, to sudden changes in plans, and to moving from place to place? Can she fit her program into that of her husband's when his calls for sudden change? It can be frustrating at times! Yet, adaptability helps her to remake the drapes, serve ten when she expected five guests for dinner, spend the night with a church member at the hospital when her loved one is dying, and go on picnics alone with the children when her husband has to make an unexpected trip. (No minister's wife should have to meet these challenges too often.) Planning a program well ahead of time helps to eliminate some sudden changes— but not all.
Can the minister's wife adapt to all types of people, and different philosophical concepts as we must do in the mission field? Does she have a sense of humor—see the amusing side of life? If she does, her cheerfulness and joy of living will give her that added sparkle which will help her to be a loved and admired minister's wife.
Your life naturally has centered around your husband's work. In recent years especially you have had to be alone much of the time. How do you cope with loneliness in a practical way? Do you ever feel resentful about being left alone? Do you have particular hobbies you turn to especially when alone?
My husband began his administrative work as a very young worker. We were in an isolated area and alone much of the time. We all missed him and were lonely. I tried to play with the children more, and take them for walks, and have picnics on the lawn frequently. (One day a huge bird swooped down suddenly and snatched up a big pat of butter before two surprised little boys could shout.) I think children need special attention and fun times planned for them when daddy is away. Some children have resented their father's absence keenly. Perhaps they are reflecting their mother's attitude and feelings.
It isn't easy for a family to be separated. At first, I must confess, there was a feeling of deep resentment in my heart. Never would I have admitted it to anyone—not even to myself. The children and my work filled my days but my evenings were long and lonely. I no longer had a part in my husband's work, so I let myself think. Definitely there was some growing up to do on my part, and a more mature attitude needed. The remedy for this unhappy situation came to my mind soon. I must forget my feelings and take some of our truth-filled literature, go out and visit the people all up and down our street. When I did this, I returned home with my spirits lifted and my courage good. Soon there were Bible studies to give and friends to visit. When my husband was at home he helped with these interests.
People often ask me: "How can you stand to have your husband away so much of the time?" Then they add, "But I suppose by now you are used to it." Please, never say that to a wife whose husband is a traveling minister. We don't really get used to this way of life; rather we learn to cope with it. We work in offices, teach school, nurse, or take up some other occupation, for we must keep busy. And then there are hobbies we can engage in —I enjoy oil painting and reading good books, and playing my organ.
As the first lady of our church you are called upon frequently to entertain. What kind of entertaining do you do? Do you prefer buffets and larger groups or quieter gatherings with a few guests? What type of menu do you like to use?
Through the years we have preferred to entertain small groups. It gives us an opportunity to visit with each guest. Since coming to Washington, we have had buffet suppers entertaining from 15 to 18 guests usually, but we enjoy sitting down at our table with from two to eight guests. We prefer a simple menu, and I always serve a light supper in the evenings. Recently we've had small groups in for a simple supper and a discussion or Bible study following supper.
Within the privacy of your home, do you and your husband frequently discuss the problems he faces in leading out in our worldwide work or do you, rather, try to establish an atmosphere that will take his mind off his many problems?
My husband is not one to discuss the problems he faces in his work at home. There are times when he wishes me to join him in prayer for certain crises that arise, and we pray for God's guidance. Usually after he has worked all day in committee or at his office he prefers to have our conversation on other themes at night. We have so many personal things to discuss, and news from the family and friends, it usually fills up the few moments we have together.
What kind of devotional pattern do you follow in your home and how would you advise those ministers' wives who work away from home to schedule time for personal devotion?
When my husband is home he leads out in both morning and evening worship. Friday evenings we enjoy reading to each other, sometimes for an hour or two. We have a quiet, restful time together with our Bible and Spirit of Prophecy books or periodicals. These are precious times of companionship and communion with each other and God. I like to read my Bible the last thing before I fall asleep. It helps me to awaken with a prayer in my heart. The radio clock alarm usually awakens us with a hymn.
As workers' wives we have to plan a special time for Bible study or our very busy program will crowd it out. I know one minister's wife who listens to the Bible reading or other material on tapes as she rides to work in her car. I often have a tape with sermon material playing as I work in the kitchen.
Some of our women readers may someday be called upon to share with their husbands in very responsible positions in our church. What advice do you have for them?
I would say they must be ready and willing to share their husband's time and all his strength and attention with others. Our work has grown tremendously in the past decades. Leaders are under pressure as never before and evidently there will be no let up until Jesus comes. As the denomination grows we can expect more problems and perplexities.
Do you have special means of dealing with household problems and crises that may arise when your husband is away?
Household problems and crises have not been a real problem in our home. It seems there is always some kind friend near who will help me, or it has been possible to hire someone to help take care of such needs. At least at the moment, I do not remember this being a great problem. We are like one large family in our church. Both in the mission field and here in the homeland other workers and church members have been real brothers and sisters, and we appreciate what they do and love them.
