THE IDEAL training center for our little ones should be the home where the mother is the teacher. Where home influences are not ideal, then the children should have proper training in a well-disciplined Christian school. But we should bear in mind that this latter plan is second best.
Ministers' homes, of all homes, should qualify for the ideal in the training of children. Example setting still remains a priority for church leaders. Shepherdesses with children still in the home should stop today, right now, and take inventory of their home training program.
Today in schools, business, and industry we hear much about management by objectives and evaluation. If these are principles of good management for secular institutions how much more important they become for the growth and development of children in a home environment.
Four Principles of Child Training
There are four basic principles involved in proper child training. We might express these in this way: (1) Study for knowledge, (2) pray for guidance, (3) plan wisely, (4) act consistently. The road of least resistance is easy, and so many of us are not aware that the things left undone have an adverse effect on children.
Does parental responsibility involve more than providing food, shelter, clothing, toys, a baby-sitter now and then, and family worship periods? If "we need to make the education of our children a business, for their salvation depends largely upon the education given them in childhood" * and if "the educational influences of the home are a decided power for good or for evil" 2 then as parent shepherdesses ask your self, Is my home a school and am I as a parent an effective teacher?
As parents we are teachers whether we accept the responsibility or not. Home influences "are in many respects silent and gradual." 3 Few realize the full import of a child's growth from training and influence until, perhaps, it is too late. It is for this reason that our first step to success in child training is to have a plan. As a child I can remember my mother saying, "Plan your work and work your plan." As parents we must plan for the little ones placed in our care and then consistently work our plan. "Even before the birth of the child, the preparation should begin that will enable it to fight successfully the battle against evil." 4
Definite Plans Laid
A careful study of the lives of Bible characters whom God used in a mighty way to shape destiny plainly demonstrates that definite plans were made in the home for their growth and development. John the Baptist, who prepared the world for Christ's first coming, was the son of his parents' old age. They could have taken the road of least resistance and reasoned that since God had a special work for John to do, all would be well with no special effort on their part. Instead they brought him up in the country in order to develop his character in such a way as to meet God's purposes for his life and avoid the manifold temptations of the city.
Both Moses' mother and Samuel's had limited time in which to train their sons. I feel sure they had a training program based on God's guidance. Perhaps many times these mothers denied self in order to work with their children and train them for God's service. What would we do if we knew that we were to have a son or daughter for only twelve years, as Moses' mother, Jochebed, did? Authorities tell us that the most impressionable years of a child's life are the years before seven. "The lessons that the child learns during the first seven years of life have more to do with forming his character than all that it learns in future years." 5 In fact, the foundation is laid the first three years for self-control and discipline. 6
In today's changing economy it is very tempting for the mother to work outside the home. In fact, it almost seems a necessity; but are the supposed temporal blessings gained worth the sacrifice of a little heaven on earth where order and love should be supreme and where the children are being trained for the heavenly home? Try living on the husband's salary. It will take ingenuity, substitutions, and a strong will to say No to many things you cannot afford.
Security and Stability Affected The mother is the most important person in a child's life, and usually she understands and knows more about her child than anyone else. The future security and stability of a child depend much upon the warmth and love and security the mother gives it.
Harriet Theingold conducted experimental studies on the effects of in creased mothering on institutionalized children. The eight infants she mothered showed much more social responsiveness to her, the examiner, and strangers than the eight other infants who received only the regular institutionalized care.
A study made by Harold M. Skeels and Murlon H. Dye points up the interrelatedness of emotional and cognitive development. Two infants were taken from the State orphanage to an institution for the retarded, where retarded women doted on the babies. After six months the babies were tested. One showed an IQ gain of 31 points, the other 52 points. But more important was an over-all behavior change from apathy to liveliness. 7
John Bowlby, R. A. Spitz, and others see the mother's role in attachment as more complex and vital than simply a reducer of distress or importer of pleasure. From studies of children and retrospective studies of adults deprived of this attachment these researchers conclude that severe impairment results when an attachment is not formed or if it is forcibly broken before the age of 7. 8
Planning Regularity Essential
A definite plan and program should be made that requires a certain amount of time spent with the child regularly. It is so easy just to let the child play and "grow" his own way. Even when he comes with some hurt or an exciting thing to tell you, to just say "Uh-huh" and briefly glance while doing something else is an unforgiveable act. Oh, he will forgive you that's a little child's nature. But if you stop and listen you might find the answer to something that has been puzzling you concerning his behavior!
Successful teachers make lesson plans that are used to direct activities throughout the day in the learning process. Mothers too can do this. These plans do not have to be as structured as they would be in a regular school. But you do need to plan carefully what you are going to do with your child each day. In dealing with him combine affection with authority; kindness and sympathy with firm restraint. As you spend a portion of each day working with your child you are cultivating his friendship, winning his confidence, and making impressions upon him that will influence him for life. In addition, you should make the time spent with your child of such a quality that you will be preparing him for school.
What are some of the specific activities that can be planned? There could be a time for reading to him or his reading to you. All children love stories. Get them acquainted with books so they will love them. Above all, use the Book of books as a textbook. Reading to a child is a good way to help develop oral language, which is the most important factor in reading readiness. It helps build his vocabulary, and will also help him learn left to right progression.
After reading a Bible story to the child ask him to repeat the story to you. This will help him learn sequence. Let him predict the outcome of the story or tell which part he liked best. Ask him to draw a picture of the story, then from his picture describe and dictate his story to you. As you write it down he learns that oral language can be written and read. Learning the ABC's and the beginning consonant sounds will be fun if done with pictures of animals, flowers, and objects. Wherever you go, play a game with your child of finding letters, then giving their names and sounds.
A child's vocabulary can be enlarged if, when he answers with one word to your questions, you state his answer by using a sentence. When the sentence structure he is using is wrong, you can repeat the sentence using correct words and have him repeat the sentence after you. This is not teaching a child to read per se, but involves oral language development and reading readiness. Do not be overanxious about your child's learning to read. Above all, don't pressure him into reading be fore he is ready. There are many things that can be done in the reading-readiness program that will help the child to develop a love for books and reading and will teach him the basics before formal reading is taught.
Every child loves to run and play out side. Set aside a part of the day when you can do this with him. This will not only help in his large-muscle coordination but will aid in the development of a healthy child. As a Christian mother, recognize that helping your child develop a strong body is a sacred duty. As often as possible take your child out in nature and draw practical lessons for our daily lives from plants and animals, pointing out God's great love in supplying all these things for our needs and happiness.
For the development of small motor skills provide scissors, paste, and construction paper. Allow him to be creative. To begin with you might "show him how," but after he has learned some of the basics of cutting, pasting, and attaching cutout objects he will be able to proceed on his own. You will be amazed what your 4- or 5-year-old will come up with. Many enjoyable hours can be spent teaching him or her such skills as woodworking or needlepoint.
Number concepts and math vocabulary can be taught in such an easy way that they will always be fun. Teach the one-to-one relationship when the child is setting the table: tell him to place one glass with each plate; one fork with each knife, et cetera. He can learn to count using the knives, forks, and spoons. Teach him addition and subtraction by adding all the forks to all the spoons, then taking away a certain number. Teach him to recognize numbers, then ask him what certain numbers are when you see them on billboards, at the store, in books, or wherever he comes in contact with them.
While helping you make bread or cookies your child can learn quantitative measurement. Measure his foot and his body from time to time, and he will learn linear measurements, as well. He will also find fun and real accomplishment in being able to tie his shoes, button or zip his coat, tell his full name, and give his address and telephone number.
Being able to listen and follow directions is basic to success in life. Make a game out of giving directions such as walking to the door, turning around three times, and then sitting down. Consistently requiring your child to pick up his toys and clean up after art activities helps develop a sense of responsibility.
Social Interaction Necessary
Social interaction is necessary for children. Inviting his peers home will help the child learn to give and take in life. If difficulties arise, and they surely will, talk it through with the children and let them solve the problem. You will find they usually know what is wrong and will often come up with a solution better than yours.
How much thinking do you let your child do for himself? Is he a puppet in your hands or do you give opportunities for him to make choices? True, he is a mere child, but if given the opportunity to do some decision-making be fore he is "out on his own" he might be trained to prevent some mistakes that can ruin his life. Remember, you are there to guide if the decision is a wrong one quietly discuss with him why it was wrong and what might have happened if a better choice were made.
"Every human being, created in the image of God, is endowed with a power akin to that of the Creator individuality, power to think and to do. The men in whom this power is developed are the men who bear responsibilities, who are leaders in enterprise, and who influence character. It is the work of true education to develop this power, to train the youth to be thinkers, and not mere reflectors of other men's thought." 9
People who fit this description ordinarily aren't the result of haphazard training. They come from consistent homes where the mother prays with her children, studies with them, and plans each day carefully.
FOOTNOTES
1. Ellen G. White, Child Guidance (Nashville, Tenn.: Southern Publishing Assn., 1954), p. 27.
2. Ibid., p. 17.
3. Ibid.
4. Ibid., p. 21.
5. Ibid., p. 193.
6. Ibid., p. 194.
7. CRM Books Editorial Staff, Developmental Psychology Today, (Del Mar, Calif.: CRM Books, 1971), pp. 141, 142.
8. Ibid., pp. 140, 141.
9. Ellen G. White, Education (Mountain View, Calif.: Pacific Press Pub. Assn., 1903), p. 17.
