Dear Shepherdess: As September comes around, our thoughts turn to children, school, fall clothing, and lunches.
An unknown author wrote these lines: The purpose of a parent
Is not to raise children easier, but to raise them better.
Is not to make money, but to make lives.
Is not to criticize the home, but to raise its standards.
Is not to ignore poor schools, but to secure good ones.
Is not to operate schools, but to co operate with them.
Is not to find fault, but to find facts.
Is not to make every child a prodigy, but to give him a chance.
A sampler hangs in the office of our grandchildren's pediatrician. I was intrigued by the honesty of the words. I copied them. This is what it says:
Children Learn What They Live
If a child lives with criticism, He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, He learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, He learns justice.
If a child lives with security, He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.
Children are a sacred trust. A real responsibility, but lots of fun if one keeps his sense of humor when things get to humming. May the children in our homes, churches, and communities be guided day-by-day according to God's blueprint. With love, Kay.
"LITTLE is actually known," claims Burton White, of Harvard University, "about the age range, six days to two-and-a-half years." This statement is made as the results from a study done by White and his staff on some four hundred 3-, 4-, and 5-year-old children. The research team has been working for more than seven years to establish a positive principle "maddeningly simple to express" on how to frame the training during the first six years of life so as to encourage the highest development of human competence. They have found that many parents have unanswered questions on this phase of early child development.
White and his staff have been turning out some hard evidence about just how an outstanding parent operates. When they began their study they wanted to determine which abilities permit some children to cope continually in a superior fashion in any situation. Interestingly, they found that the qualities that distinguish an outstanding 6-year-old begin to appear around the age of 1. By age 3, these qualities were pronounced, and they revealed that children develop many of the characteristics that will bless them or curse them throughout life during the 10-to-36 month period.
This fits in with the instruction given in the book The Ministry of Healing: "Too much importance cannot be placed upon the early training of children. The lessons learned, the habits formed, during the years of infancy and childhood, have more to do with the formation of the character and the direction of the life than have all the instruction and training of after years" Page 380.
While studying the differences between homes where l-to-3-year-old children are developing superior abilities and homes where otherwise normal children are developing in a mediocre way, they found that the two sets of mothers developed distinctively different environments for their children. They also found that the span from 10 to 18 months was particularly crucial. "At this time of life, for most children several extremely important developments seem to coalesce and force a test of each family's capacity to rear children," states White. How the parents meet this crisis at age 1 largely determines the quality of their child-rearing.
The first critical trend noticed—about 8 or 9 months—was the understanding of language. The excellent mothers be came conscious of their child's increasing language capacity and began to go out of their way to talk to their children a great deal. "Often, they carefully selected words and phrases which centered on the child's interest at the moment." They took time for face-to-face chats. It was discovered that most of the speech heard by the children in this group came from their mothers and other people around them.
Significantly, the children in the "C" group (which is the term used for those who were poorly developed) received most of their language experience from television.
It has been stated that children who watch an abundance of television have extensive vocabularies. Remember however, that a vocabulary is only useful insofar as the meaning and ideas that are connected with it are useful. One study in which children were asked to write words learned on TV resulted in the names of 15 brands of beer, 13 brands of cigarettes, and mentioned one brand of detergent 110 times. (Elemen tary English, March, 1969, p. 303).
In White's study it was found that the two groups of mothers also established different policies when their children began to crawl. The Group "A" mother allowed for a tolerable amount of infant-induced clutter and a few mishaps and encouraged her child's explorations, rarely confining her child to the play pen except for brief periods. She was also less prone to be overprotective, but allowed activities with slight safety risks rather than interfere with his development. This approach was aided by carefully arranging the home to keep valuables and dangers out of reach.
In contrast, the "C" mothers exhibited the attitude of "keeping the kids out of my hair." Their children spent large blocks of time in a playpen, or a confined area, or in front of the television. "C" mothers who didn't confine their children often hovered over them, drowning them in "No's" and placing everything interesting "off limits." The "C" children also had more snacks, either as a means of expressing love or as a pacifier "without taking the time to discover their real interests or needs."
Shortly after the age of 1, a third challenge appeared as the children began to develop a sense of individuality and their personality began to blossom. The most distressing phase was a tend ency toward negativism. Most of the time the children seemed to be testing their bounds, trying to discover what behavior was acceptable and what was not. Although the "A" children were not immune to negativism, their mothers seemed to be able to help them overcome the "No's" and develop a positive, cooperative attitude. They demonstrated things to them, made suggestions in keeping with the child's present inter est, but avoided unnecessary resistance by letting the child instigate most of these exchanges.
The researchers found this portrait of a competent mother: she enjoyed her children, was interested in their activities and interests, wanted them to play near her. She did not mind their interruptions, responded to their requests, expressing her approval and enthusiasm. When a request actually came at an inopportune time, she would tell the child to wait as she was busy. Here, too, the child seemed to be learning self-control and patience.
It was also observed that mothers who were seriously depressed, egocentric, self-centered, unhappy, or overly concerned with their own needs and desires could not do a good job of child-rearing. The level of income or education did not seem to be a factor in determining a good or bad mother.
"Parents have a great and responsible work to do, and they may well inquire, 'Who is sufficient for these things?' But God has promised to give wisdom to those that ask in faith, and He will do just as He said He would" —Testimonies, vol. 5, p. 322. Adapted from CAROmates' Newsletter.
