A marriage license, with accompanying ceremony, is regarded by many youth of today as a quaint custom from the good old days B.E.—Before Emancipation. Notices on college billboards and in the underground press invite liaisons for no more momentous reasons than want of a bed partner, a cook, or a tutor in modern languages! At least three high-level aides of the President are said to be cohabiting with out the benefit of marriage. And the chief outcry seems to come, not from moralists, but from hostesses befuddled by the protocol requirements involved in introductions.
However, a few churches are still taking a sticky attitude toward couples living together without the benefit of a marriage ceremony. Tracing an "I love you" in wet sand with the big toe of the right foot is not enough, they say. The Adventist Church is one still insisting that marriage is important both to the church and to the community. Is there reason or revelation behind its views?
The first marriage ceremony was performed by God Himself in Eden, when He pronounced all things very good. There "the Creator joined the hands of the holy pair in wedlock, saying, A man shall 'leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one,' He enunciated the law of marriage for all the children of Adam to the close of time." —Thoughts From the Mount of Blessings, p. 63.
It is reasonable to suppose that marriage was observed and passed on by Adam's descendants to succeeding generations. Ah early reference to marriage is found in Genesis 34, where Hamor the Hivite tries to work out a marriage arrangement with Jacob. He says, "Let us ally ourselves in marriage" (Gen. 34:9, N.E.B.).*
The story of Isaac and Rebekah gives us some idea of the process by which one marriage in the ancient Middle East was arranged. Wanting his son Isaac to marry a girl from the land of his birth, where his kinsfolk lived, Abraham sent his servant Eliezer to Mesopotamia to secure a mate. Marriage was too important to be left to individual choice; it was of concern to both families and usually represented an alliance or contract. The parties were the families or kinsmen, not merely the couple: "In ancient times marriage engagements were generally made by the parents. ... In the bestowal of their affections the youth were guided by the judgment of their experienced, God-fearing parents." Patriarchs and Prophets, p. 171. "It was considered a crime for children to con tract marriage upon their own responsibility." —Testimonies to the Church, vol. 1, p. 218.
To people of that day, member ship in a lineage or clan meant a great deal—particular kinds of behavior to be expected from particular kinds of kinsmen, lines of inheritance, and financial aid for the dowry (an expected payment made by the groom's family to the kinsfolk of the bride). Thus everyone in the group was interested in a marriage to someone of different lineage; all were potentially involved.
When Eliezer, acting on Abra ham's request and following the Lord's guidance, met Rebekah and was satisfied that she met Abra ham's criteria of family membership and personal qualities, he gave her gifts to assure her of his intent. Then he asked for Laban's consent to her marriage. Laban agreed, "Take her, and go, and let her be thy master's son's wife" (Gen. 24:51). Eliezer then "brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah: he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things" (verse 53). Such a payment was regarded as a safe guard to the marriage relation. "Fathers did not think it safe to trust the happiness of their daughters to men who had not made provision for the support of a family." —Patriarchs and Prophets, p. 188.
After consent of the family was obtained Rebekah herself was consulted. When asked, "Wilt thou go with this man?" she replied, "I will go" (verse 58). Laban's large family now knew the contract of marriage was binding. As representative of Abraham's family Eliezer knew it too.
When Eliezer returned to Abra ham with Rebekah, "Isaac brought her unto his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her" (verse 67).
While the Bible does not mention a ceremony, it is probable that Isaac made a simple declaration before witnesses of his intent to have Rebekah as his wife and that festivities were arranged by the family.
Such a statement was made much later by Boaz when he took Ruth as his wife. He told the village elders, "Ruth the Moabitess . . . have I purchased to be my wife . . . : ye are witnesses this day. And all the people . . . and the elders, said, We are witnesses. ... So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife" (Ruth 4:10- 13).
Marriage feasts are mentioned early in the Bible, and they often lasted for as long as seven days. (See Genesis 29:27 and Judges 14:12.) Although little detail is given of these early ceremonies, it is evident that they represented an old tradition, and that they occurred after some sort of public announcement before assembled guests. The feast would be an evidence that a satisfactory contract had been concluded.
The agreements, ceremonies, and feastings, varying as they might in elaborateness, all point to marriage as an institution with tradition stemming from Bible times. All indicate a community aspect of the betrothal.
Why is the church concerned? Because homes and families are fundamental to human welfare. If marriage is to fulfill its potential as a stable, Christ-centered home, it should not be contracted lightly. The desire for sexual experience alone is not a sufficient basis, as witnessed by many casual and temporary liaisons. A stable family calls for a commitment that will transcend temperament, and that will take its place responsibly in the community and church. This commitment, made publicly in a wedding ceremony, is a safeguard for the marriage and ensures the place of the married couple in the network of human relation ships in their community. It also provides a legitimate place for their children in the family line. Families founded upon sincere public commitments between bride and groom, and between them and God, are far more likely to weather the storms of life than are liaisons founded on whim. Family relationships are lived out before the community and God, and both reason and revelation indicate that they should be initiated and established accordingly.
Tracing "I love you" in wet sand is not enough!
Note:
*From The New English Bible. © The Delegates of the Oxford University Press and the Syndics of the Cambridge University Press 1961, 1970. Reprinted by permission.
