Free-lancer Marcia K. Hornok writes from Salt Lake City, Utah.

The Bible includes many things we would rather not know; things that interfere with our com fort, conscience, or complacency.

On the other hand, I suspect there are things the Bible should have included but somehow missed. Not to worry. These in dispensable truths seem to have been revealed to contemporary scribes who are publishing books faster than a speed reader turns pages. The result? Those who regularly patronize Christian bookstores will find complete enlightenment.

Thanks to this form of progressive rev elation, the following verses have now been clarified:

"The man and his wife were both divorced and were not ashamed."

"Eve gave birth to a son while Adam coached her through labor and delivery."

"Joseph was highly favored because of his Spirit-controlled temperament and the Reality Discipline Jacob used upon him."

"So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabitess with her, because of Friendship Evangelism."

"Hannah presented a new coat to Samuel every year, thus making a memory for him."

"Now the sons of Eli were wicked be cause he didn't spend quality time with them."

"Lo, children are a threat to the ecological balance, and the fruit of the womb is the cause of world overpopulation."

"Who can find a virtuous woman, for she is out jogging."

"To every thing there is a season, and a time management principle to every purpose under the heaven."

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; visualize, and it shall become a reality."

"If the Son therefore shall make you financially free, ye shall be free indeed."

"This is a true saying; if a man desire the office of a bishop, he better take out malpractice insurance."

"The servant of the Lord must not strive, but may offer useless trinkets at quintuple their value."

"Bodily exercise profiteth little, but aerobic fitness is essential to good health and overall well-being."

Older women may "teach the younger women to have an adequate self-image, to know their colors, and to achieve identity."

"Marriage is honorable in all, and must be maintained by attending marriage enrichment conferences."

Since there is no end to the making of books, we can look forward to many more insights in print. Future revelations might solve some perplexing problems we now face.

Perhaps a modern scribe will discover that the rapture will occur in proportion to one's faith: a Christian will go up at the beginning, middle, or end of the tribulation, depending on his doctrinal be lief. .

When will some daring author pen The One-Minute Christian, teaching us to cultivate a vital relationship with God in just minutes every day? (This book would validate the current practice of some readers.)

Other books of the future might focus on the fine lines of Christian doctrine, teaching us, for instance, how to distinguish between God's provision and a boat going to Tarshish (title: Waiting for Your Fleece to Dry).

How can we know when we have met our responsibility to God's house and can begin to panel our own? When does disciplined faithfulness, (say, in church attendance or tithing) become only legalistic routine? Is plastic surgery an acceptable alternative to self-acceptance (when some Christians enter heaven, God might say, "Peter I know and Paul I know, but who are you?")

We need a bibliography of all the books about marriage and parenting. If we could carry that volume home, I'm sure we would be edified simply by reading all the titles.

Several more how-to books are needed, don't you think? For instance: How to Change Churches Successfully Without Making Your Pastor Feel Inadequate, How to Minister Without Needing Ego Rub, How to Live Below Your Means (the lost art of self-denial), How to Forgive What You Can't Forget, and finally, How to Discern False Profits (are your contributions to the Lord's work used with integrity, or do they merely pad the lifestyle of some towering leader?).

Last of all, consider the dichotomy between sacred and secular employment. Some people yearn to be in full-time Christian work, yet lack the education or social skills to be accepted by an organization. Is their desire from God and thus worth pursuing, or should they become writers?

These and other questions may soon be answered by contemporary authors. Until then, keep those Christian romance novels rolling off the presses. How would we grow without them?

Ministry reserves the right to approve, disapprove, and delete comments at our discretion and will not be able to respond to inquiries about these comments. Please ensure that your words are respectful, courteous, and relevant.

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Free-lancer Marcia K. Hornok writes from Salt Lake City, Utah.

March 1989

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