I was a college senior working in the secretarial department at Washington Missionary College (now Columbia Union College) when Bob, my husband-to-be, rushed into the office. He announced excitedly, "I've gotten a call to the Florida Conference!" The next day the president of the Ohio Conference invited him to work there.
"What shall we do?" Bob questioned, looking rather perplexed. "Shall we accept the call to Florida or to Ohio?" We prayed about the decision, asking God for a definite sign.
After graduation and the wedding, we confidently headed for Ohio with the assurance that God had answered our prayers. And indeed He had! We were assigned to a citywide evangelistic crusade with R. A. Anderson, one of the best evangelists the Seventh-day Adventist Church has produced.
I believe that God planned for us to be in Ohio at that time, for during that crusade we caught the vision of public evangelism. For many years thereafter we served God in public evangelism. And though we have worked many years in other phases of denominational service, we still view our work with the eyes of evangelists.
The wife of an itinerant evangelist finds joy and fulfillment in working with her husband in soul winning, but the position she occupies also poses dangers of discouragement and frustration. Consequently, the church must concern itself with the morale of the families of its evangelists.
Because of the importance of this work and the needs of those involved in it, we scheduled a seminar entitled "Developing a Support System for Itinerant Families" for the evangelism council held in December of 1986. To get up-to-date information, I surveyed conference evangelists and ministerial secretaries and their spouses. The box accompanying this article gives the results of the survey.
Employing organizations, the churches the evangelists serve, and evangelists themselves can do much to alleviate the strain itinerating places on their spouses and families. But some of those strains will still remain. Ultimately, the attitudes the wife of an evangelist holds and the choices she makes will determine how she copes with the stresses of her position. She can reduce those stresses and enhance the joys of that form of service by put ting into practice the five suggestions that follow.
Five Points for successful coping
1. Develop a sense of self-worth. Your self-image affects your behavior, attitudes, productivity, and ultimate success in life.
Ellen White tells us that "the value of all the world sinks into insignificance in comparison to the value of one human soul."1 God values us because He created us. In 1 John 3:1 He calls us His sons and daughters. The reputation of the designer determines the value of a garment. As a seamstress sews her label into a dress, representing it as her original, so God sews His label in every heart He brings to life. Because each of us is His original, we are of eternal value.
That He gave His Son to die for us reveals how much He values us: "The worth of man is known only by going to Calvary. In the mystery of the cross of Christ we can place an estimate upon man." 2
Since God regards us of such worth, doesn't He expect us to value ourselves accordingly? The answer is clear. "Christ paid an infinite price for us, and according to the price paid He desires us to value ourselves." 3 "The Lord is disappointed when His people place a low estimate upon themselves. He desires His chosen heritage to value themselves ac cording to the price He has placed upon them." 4
In his letter to Timothy, Paul warned against the other extreme which he said would become a problem in the last days. "People will be lovers of them selves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy" (2 Tim. 3:2, NIV). His words describe people interested in having their own way without regard for Christ or their fellowmen. Ellen White shows how we can strike the proper balance: "While we should not think of ourselves more highly than we ought, the Word of God does not condemn a proper self-respect. As sons and daughters of God, we should have a conscious dignity of character, in which pride and self-importance have no part." 5
Having this kind of regard for our selves doesn't mean being proud of our possessions or talents or what we do. It doesn't mean considering ourselves better than others. It simply means that we view ourselves through the eyes of our Lord Jesus Christ. A healthy respect for self results from loving God and accepting His love for us on a personal basis.
2. Set priorities. "Setting priorities—giving precedence to the most important objectives—sets apart successful people from the rest of the population." 6 It involves setting short- and long-range goals, prioritizing activities, and managing your time.
One minister's wife said that she actually thought the telephone was God's direction for her life each day. Those who called set her priorities. She feared that if she didn't do whatever was requested of her, someone might think she wasn't doing her job.
If we do not set our own priorities, we will find it easy to acquiesce to such interruptions. And when the requests of others determine our priorities, we will find little satisfaction. When we have done our best to find and follow God's will, we need not worry about what others might think or say—for God says, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee" (Heb. 13:5). Thus we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what men shall do unto me" (verse 6).
Gail Sheehy surveyed 60,000 people between the ages of 18 and 80 and inter viewed several hundred individuals. "The one constant in the lives of people who enjoy high well-being," she says, "was a devotion to some cause or purpose beyond themselves." 7
Any artisan molding a lump of clay will tell you that the key to making good pottery is "centering." Once you center the clay on the wheel, you can do with it what you want. Like the potter handling the clay, the evangelist's or pastor's wife faces numerous pressures that attempt to pull her life this way and that. She may not be able to control the pressures that her role brings. But once she "centers" on a purpose, she can choose how she will live.
You should give the Lord your first priority. A 97-year-old woman once told her pastor that she had visited the White House and had shaken the hand of Abraham Lincoln. Because of this experience she felt she knew President Lincoln. Now Lincoln's little son could invade his father's study, jump up on his knee, and give him a kiss whenever he liked. It was Lincoln's son who really knew him.
The minister's wife can experience this kind of relationship with the Lord if she jealously preserves a daily quiet time with Him. He entreats us to "be still, and know that I am God" (Ps. 46:10). "In prayer, God stoops to kiss man, to bless man, and to aid in everything that God can devise or man can need." 8
Beautiful! That covers everything!
Once we have assured the meeting of our spiritual needs, "our first duty toward God and our fellow beings is that of self-development." 9 Besides the spiritual, we must seek to develop and maintain the mental, physical, and social aspects of our being.
Someone has said that if women spent as much time thinking about—life its purpose, goals, planning, etc.—as they do about meal planning, they would be much more productive. Time spent each day smelling the roses, taking a walk, reading a good book, or doing your favorite thing is time well spent.
3. Cultivate a positive attitude. Norman Vincent Peale reminds us that there are only two ways of looking at anything—positive or negative. M. Scott Peck tells us that having a realistic view of life demands that we face up to the fact that life is difficult. Once we admit this, we stop noticing how difficult it is, and it no longer matters to us. He goes on to say, "Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually." 10
Corrie ten Boom, the Dutch woman who suffered in concentration camps be cause she helped Jews escape from the Nazis, said, "I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do."
One woman respondent to our survey stated that she felt that many complaints arise from a mind-set of self-pity. When we maintain a positive attitude that focuses on our privileges, we are much easier to live with, and we promote our own health and that of everyone around us.
4. Be adaptable. Synonyms of the verb adapt include adjust, accommodate, conform, comply, and harmonize. Evangelists' wives can identify with these. To them, being adaptable means submitting to God and trusting in His guidance. Some, by nature, find it easier to adapt than do others, but in the final analysis we all have to work at coping with life. During the first 20 years of our married life, my husband and I moved 35 times. It wasn't easy. I learned that three pairs of panel drapes would take care of living and dining room windows in almost any house. And that the most important household liquid is Old English Scratch Remover Polish—it covers a multitude of sins!
Booker T. Washington once said, "Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has over come while trying to succeed." 11 A butterfly gains the strength to fly by pushing its way through the walls of its cocoon. Like so many caterpillars in cocoons, we will remain spineless worms unless we flex the muscles of our characters against the walls of difficulty and hardship.
Christ had a lot of adapting to do while on earth, but He "learned obedience through what he suffered" (Heb. 5:8, RSV). In times of adversity, or stress He invites us to "abide in Him" (see John 15:4). He says, "Come unto me, . . . and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28). He reminds us to rest and wait patiently for Him (Ps. 37:7), for in quietness and confidence will be our strength (Isa. 30:15).
The constant changes we must adapt to as ministers' wives will profit us if they force us to seek refuge in our heavenly Father. In this way we will gain the spiritual sustenance necessary to help us handle the strain. With God's help, any difficult situation can become a steppingstone to a greater experience.
5. Trust in God. The city of Kiev, in the U.S.S.R., holds a dramatic monument. It was erected in honor of the 100,000 Jews whom the Nazis slaughtered there during World War II. At the top of the monument is a statue depicting a woman, hands tied behind her, at tempting to nurse her baby in the last moments of life. Even while facing death, she thought only of the needs of her child.
"Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee" (Isa. 49:15). "If you will leave yourself in His hands, He will bring you off more than conqueror through Him that has loved you."12
1 Ellen G. White, Counsels to Writers and Editors,
p. 126.
2 ______, Testimonies, vol. 2, pp. 634, 635.
3 ______, The Ministry of Healing, p. 498.
4 ______, The Desire of Ages, p. 668.
5 ______, Mind, Character, and Personality,
vol. l,p. 260.
6 Sybil Stanton, The Twenty-five-Hour Woman
(Old Tappan, N.J.: FlemingH. RevellCo., 1986),
p. 151.
7 Ibid., pp. 46, 47.
8 E. M. Bounds, quoted in Dick Eastman, The
Hour That Changes the World (Grand Rapids: Baker
Book House, n.d.).
9 Ellen G. White, Counsels on Diet and Foods,
p. 15.
10 M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled (New
York: Touchstone Books, 1980).
11 In Stanton, p. 55.
12 Ellen G. White, Steps to Christ, p. 72.
Additional comments from the survey
The survey contained a section in which the respondents could express any concerns they had that the survey had not covered. The following comments come from that section and from their hearts.
- "When you hire an evangelist, you hire a husband/wife team--the twain shall be one. Don't separate the one flesh, please."
- "The church needs to revive both a sense of need for public evangelism and respect for it in the North American Division. Negative attitudes, suspicions, and aloofness make the work and lifestyle of evangelists more difficult."
- "Where do the evangelist and his wife go when they want to discuss personal things relating to their work? To the evangelism coordinator? No! Treasurer, secretary, president, fellow minister? Hardly! It's a lonesome life."
- "Making ends meet is the main problem. Supporting everything on the road and keeping the home base together is a challenge!"
- "The conference conducts social functions for the office staff, but the evangelist is always in meetings during these functions. What can be done?"
- "Why aren't interns assigned to work with the evangelist?"
- "Why can't we have union evangelism councils and retreats?"
- "It is sad that conferences feel pressured to strongly discourage home schooling. When the family lives together on the road and uses home schooling, it provides a family togetherness not experienced in many other lines of work."
- "Despite the difficulties, it is a privilege to preach this message at this time."
- "I love evangelism! I'd rather be there than any other place; it's no sacrifice to leave home to hold meetings. I feel the Lord has put us where our talents can best be used to hasten His coming. Even though I'm retiring, I plan always to hold meetings wherever I can do so."
Survey of evangelists' families
Our three-page anonymous survey contained 19 questions. We sent it to 145 individuals comprising conference evangelists, conference ministerial secretaries, and their spouses. Forty-one men and 42 women, or 57 percent of our target group, replied. The survey contained a question asking those filling it out how many years of experience in evangelism they had. Of the men who replied, more checked the 11-to-20-years bracket than any other bracket; the greatest percentage of women checked the 6-to-10-years bracket. Half of the men and women responding stated the campaigns they worked with lasted more than five weeks. The respondents indicated that they were most likely to use a mobile home as their living quarters during a crusade, with a motel room the next most regularly used quarters.
Schooling for children
The majority of the evangelistic families had two to three children, most of whom were no longer in school. Of those in school, most were in the elementary grades. Generally, the parents did not favor their children changing schools, taking class assignments in advance to work on at the crusade site, or switching back and forth between a school near their permanent home and one near the sites of the crusades. Instead, most mothers stayed home with the children during the school months. Those wives who did go with their husbands taught the children themselves.
Remuneration
One survey question asked if the wife received remuneration for her involvement in evangelistic crusades. Of those who responded, no one received a full-time salary, 14 percent received a half-time salary, and 62 percent marked "other," which could include paid baby-sitting, a one-third or one-fourth salary, or a stipend. Twenty-four percent of all respondents stated that the wives received no salary. In some cases the remuneration varied with time and place, so the wives were represented in more than one category.
Itinerant versus church ministry
Despite the hardships of itinerant evangelism, 73 percent of the wives said they would choose it over being a regular pastor's wife. Twelve percent would prefer being a pastor's wife, and almost 10 percent said they would enjoy either role.
Benefits of the itinerant ministry for wives
Most of the survey questions concerned the benefits and stresses families in itinerant ministry face. The wives listed 23 benefits they receive from itinerant ministry, and the husbands listed 20. The top 10 from the combined lists in decreasing order of mention follow: meeting new people, seeing decisions made, travel, use and development of talents, no church administrative or
petty problems to solve, being part of an evangelistic team, new challenges, leading women's groups and helping women in the churches, association with other pastors' wives, and opportunities for spiritual growth.
Children's benefits
Some of the benefits parents perceived their children experienced because of their itinerant ministry were: travel, opportunity to develop social skills, having friends everywhere, seeing their parents labor for God, developing self-motivated study habits, and learning to be flexible.
Women's stresses
The women surveyed perceived 56 stress areas, while the men perceived only 44. (Three of the men felt that itinerant ministry posed no stresses for their wives!) Combining the two lists, the 10 mentioned most often were: frequent moves, loneliness, rootlessness, "too busy," husband gone too much, crowded living conditions, leaving friends, lack of intimate relationships with female or longtime friends, financial problems, and "missing our home."
Significantly, both men and women also mentioned "lack of appreciation received after she has given her all."
Solutions to women's stresses
The survey asked what evangelists and their wives could do themselves to relieve the stresses they face and what the organization could do to help them. The personal solutions both husbands and wives mentioned had to do with their marriage relationship. The top seven from the combined men's and women's lists were: be supportive of the wife, have good communication, set aside quality time at home, help with extra work caused by living away from home base, affirm wife as part of the team, give wife time off, and change type of ministry.
When asked what the denomination, could do to relieve some of the stresses the wives faced, the men surveyed responded with the following suggestions, listed in decreasing order of mention (because of an oversight, wives were not asked to list possible organizational solutions): pay wives as we do secretaries, Bible instructors, or teachers; from the conference level give wives support emotionally, show an interest in them; recognize their contributions; have meetings for them at evangelism councils at which they can share and unload feelings; give them recognition: personal, corporate, and generic; allow more time between meetings; don't expect too much of the wives; provide child care so wives can attend meetings; plan a "get-acquainted" activity before each new series; provide a salary for wives so that their families could afford suitable mobile homes that would allow
them to remain together during their series; include wives in local church activities; have local pastors visit wives who
need to stay at the home base; encourage local church members to visit wives who live at the home base; pay tuition costs of correspondence school; provide better housing; don't ask for a series unless the church is willing to give it all they have; and individualize situations.
Children's stresses
When children leave home and friends to accompany their parents in evangelism, it causes them as well as their parents much stress. The top 10 stresses fathers and mothers perceived itinerant evangelism places on children were as follows: missing old and new friends, having no roots, missing their own Sabbath school, changing schools frequently, the lack of a regular schedule, forming new friends every six weeks or school year, adjusting to too many care takers, constantly traveling in the car, having to leave permanent home frequently, and no long-term musical training available.
Solutions for children's stresses
What can parents do to help relieve the stresses on these children? Those surveyed said: spend as much time with them as possible, reinforce a positive attitude regarding old and new friends, emphasize God's blessings, make them a part of the family team and invite their input regarding calls, and plan special treats at the end of crusades to offset sad goodbyes.
Parents said the organization could help also by: integrating children into church programs, sharing more warmth with the evangelist's family, relating to them as normal kids even though they are in an unusual situation, and planning more area evange
lism so families spend more time at home.
