In number 7 "Heavenly Row" lives Shepherdess "Let's do it right!" She wakes faithfully every morning at 5:30. With no children as yet, her life is fairly ordered.
On rising, she fights the flab for 20 minutes after all, the experts say she must take care of her body. She then has a hot shower, followed of course by a cold one. Breakfast next, consisting of high-fiber cereal, low-fat milk, fruit juice, and toast with a low-fat spread. Every thing in harmony with the blueprint for good health.
For the next hour Shepherdess "Let's do it right!" has her devotions. Following the advice of experts, she reads five chapters of her Bible followed by several pages from the pen of Ellen White (usually the Testimonies). She then prays, following the recommended formula adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication.
The problem is Shepherdess "Let's do it right!" doesn't get much from her Bible study. In fact, she wakes up most mornings feeling depressed. She is tired of the mundane routine of life, tired of feeling dry and empty inside, tired of wondering if God is really there.
"I am trying"
In the house across the road lives Shepherdess "I am trying, Lord!" Her alarm also goes off at 5:30 a.m. As usual, she cannot find the knob to turn off the shrill ring of her clock. In desperation she wraps it in her pillow, jumps out of bed, and bundles the clock and her pillow into her bathrobe!
She stands silently for a few minutes. Her husband is in a deep sleep, as usual, and all is quiet from the children's room. Hoping they will keep sleeping for an other hour, she tiptoes to her bedside table, grabs her Bible and a torch (flash light). Perhaps today she will succeed in having some time with God. Like a burglar in her movements, she slinks down the stairs, the beams from the torch guiding her.
Finally, downstairs, she turns on a table lamp and snuggles into her favorite armchair. With a smile of satisfaction, she opens her Bible and looks forward to a "spiritual breakfast" with God. But within five minutes she hears the voice of her eldest daughter: "Mom, is it time to wake up?" followed closely by the voice of daughter number two: "Mom, I'm starving. I want some breakfast!" Shepherdess "I am trying, Lord!" sighs, closes her Bible, and tells the Lord she'll try again in another 15 years!
"Too tired to care"
Next door lives Shepherdess "Too tired to care!" She never bothers to set the alarm she's so weary she wouldn't have the energy to turn it off. Awake most of the night with baby number 5, who is teething, she is too bleary-eyed even to think about God.
Her life is one huge treadmill. Round and round she goes with all her endless responsibilities. Children to care for, work to help with the family finances, after-school activities to drag the kids to, house work, and of course all that pastoral hospitality. Plus the three offices she holds at church.
Sure, it would be nice if she could spend time with God, but when? And if she did ever find time to squeeze God into her busy schedule, how could she prevent herself from falling asleep?
Three pastors' wives, each with a different experience concerning her relationship with God. Does one of them represent you?
Worship isn't easy
Maintaining our friendship with God through having personal devotions is a challenge in the busy life of a parsonage. All of us are well acquainted with the many Bible texts and Ellen White quotations that admonish us to spend time alone with God. I'm thinking, for ex ample, of Exodus 34:2, 3: "Be ready in the morning. . . . Present yourself to me there on top of the mountain. No one is to come with you."* Then there's that familiar statement in The Ministry of Healing, page 58: "All who are under the training of God need the quiet hour for communion with their own hearts, with nature, and with God."
Yes, we know we need personal time with God to reconnect with Him, to con fess our sins, and surrender ourselves to Him. But all this can seem a million miles away and quite unimportant when all your children have the chicken pox, and when you are burned out from trying to make ends meet or fulfill all your expectations as a pastor's wife.
God gives us an ideal
So why does God tell us to seek His kingdom before anything else? Why does He give us an ideal that is sometimes so difficult to put into practice? Most of the time we can get by in our humdrum days without a special time with God, so why is it so important to Him? Because . . .
1. You are valuable to God.
Throughout the Old Testament we find God asking His children to listen to Him. He desperately yearns to share Him self with the Israelites, but they are so intent on seeking other gods and being independent that they constantly push Him away. It's very sad, because God wants so much to be a part of their lives.
God also wants you to spend time with Him because He wants to share Himself with you. He wants to tell you personally what He is like; He wants to share with you all the exciting, wonderful, unbelievable things He wants to do for you and through you. He wants to be with you simply because you are His child. You are unique and special to Him, and there is no one else like you.
2. God wants to enrich your self-esteem.
Another reason God wants you to spend time with Him is that He seeks to lavish His love on you—and what a difference that will make in the way you feel about yourself. Satan has many psychological weapons with which to attack us, the most effective being low self-esteem.
Psychologist and best-selling author James Dobson tells of a poll he conducted among a large group of women. Most were happy, married, financially secure, possessed excellent health, and enjoyed motherhood. In the poll Dobson listed 10 sources of depression, asking the women to rank them according to the order in which they affected their lives. The list included lack of romantic love, fatigue, time pressure, problems with children, boredom, loneliness, and health problems. Fifty percent of these Christian ladies ranked low self-esteem as number one, and 80 percent listed it in the top two or three.1
Lack of self-esteem is indeed common for us women. How many of you have felt that you are not attractive enough, or talented enough, or that people wouldn't like you if you removed your "mask"? How many of you have condemned yourself as a failure to your husband, your children, and your church? This lack of self-esteem not only stunts our relationship with God; it also dam ages our friendships and causes us to suppress the talents the Lord has given us.
At least 90 percent of our self-concept is built on what we think others think of us. This needs to change, and as we regularly spend time with God, it will. Reading God's Word daily helps us focus in on the depth of His love for us individually. Meditating on that love will foster a sense of belonging to Him. No longer will we feel compelled to prove ourselves valuable, because we have accepted God's love for us.
3. God wants us to be positive.
Regular quiet times with God can reprogram our computer-type brains to God's way of thinking rather than the crazy, mixed-up thoughts we tend to harbor. A neurosurgeon named Penfield con ducted some experiments on the brain. He deduced that bad programming, i.e., bad input from the past, affects our present-day attitudes. This bad programming can result in our being critical, fearful, negative, cynical, etc.2 Through the Holy Spirit, however, God gives us the potential for renewal. Our minds and emotions can be transformed so that we can think positively rather than negatively. Many Bible texts confirm that God's Word can empower us to accomplish this (see Isa. 55:11; John 3:6; Rom. 12:2; Deut. 32:46, 47; Col. 3:16; Matt. 4:4).
I can testify to the truth of this in my own life. My natural tendency is to worry about things. Three years ago that began to change. I discovered that I suffer a medical malady known as ankylosing spondylitis. This painful condition, which is incurable, results in diminished mobility and movement. For the first time in my life I really had something to worry about! I spent a lot of time with my Bible, focusing particularly on the verses that tell us not to worry about anything. Each time my illness brought a specific problem or obstacle, instead of worrying I began dwelling on God's counsel to me. Not only have I seen the most amazing ways that God has used to answer my needs, but I have felt peace within.
Whatever negative attitude handicaps you, you can get rid of it. Reach for a concordance, look up what the Bible says about your particular problem, and claim God's promises to change you.
4. God. wants to make us strong.
Mary Slessor was a young missionary who went to Africa at the turn of the century. The area she served was particularly unpleasant. One night, as Mary lay in a crude jungle hut after a stressful day, she wrote the following:
"I am not very particular about my bed these days, but as I lie on a few dirty sticks laid across and covered with a litter of dirty com shells, with plenty of rats and insects, three women and an infant three days old alongside, and over a dozen sheep and goats and cows outside, you don't wonder that I've slept little. But I've had such a comfortable quiet night in my own heart." 3
That's what God wants for each one of us—peace and calmness within our hearts, so that even though we may face unpleasant situations, we remain quiet and undisturbed. In Proverbs 4:23 we read, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." We cannot guard our hearts unless daily we have time with God.
You are a daughter of God
Yes, God wants to do so much for us through our daily quiet time with Him. The bottom line is Do we really want Him to?
For most of us, our lives are busy doing good things quality time with our spouse and children, working to stretch the family finances, entertaining church members, listening to endless problems and complaints, filling church offices that no one else wants. With all this going on, we figure God will understand if we fail to spend time with Him. But God doesn't want us to do all these good things if doing them means we have no time for Him. He calls us primarily to be Marys more than Marthas.
Before we are a wife, a mother, a daughter, a career woman, a pastor's wife, we are God's child. As His children we must decide whether having a strong, close relationship with God is the ultimate goal of life. This calls for us to love Him so intensely and desire Him so much in every facet of our lives that building our relationship with Him will come be fore anything else.
Making it happen
After deciding that fellowship with Jesus is our number one priority, we are left with the question How can we maintain that bond throughout the cluttered, stress-filled days in which we live? Well, just having made the commitment brings us halfway to its accomplishment, since we always find time for what we want most. Beyond that, here are some practical tips I've found helpful:
1. Read a book on time management.
In our extremely busy lives, scheduling and organizing our time is essential. Two books invaluable to me on this subject are Where Will I Find the Time? by Sally McClung,4 and Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman, by Anne Ortlund.5
2. Ask God to reveal our time wasters.
Author Millie Youngberg was so frustrated with the rapid pace of living that she prayed, "Slow me down, Lord!" He showed her that some of her hustle and bustle resulted from pride, ambition, and a desire for recognition. The Lord can likewise reveal to us what we are doing that is unimportant, leaving us time for a deeper relationship with Him. If we truly yearn for that, He will gladly slow us down sufficiently to make it possible.
3. Enlist the help of your husband.
As soon as was practical, my husband began feeding our two daughters break fast. He enjoyed spending special time each day with them while I had my spiritual feast with God. Maybe some thing like this could work in your home, or perhaps your husband can drive the kids to school and give you some time to yourself. Talk it over with him. He may agree that the greatest thing we can do for those we love is to strengthen them spiritually.
4. Be adaptable.
Since the discovery of the disease from which I suffer, my devotional time has become my exercise time. I have had to become adaptable in securing time with God. When the children are getting up before 6:30 a.m., I have my worship in the evening. If they sleep late, I worship in the morning.
Ideally it is best to spend time with God early in the morning, but that is not always practical for those of us with young children. We need to ask God to help us set aside the best time of the day, when we can be most receptive to Him. Sure, there may be some days when we cannot sit down and have a specific quiet time with God, but that must be the exception and not the rule. Motherhood does not mean that we must feed on yesterday's stale bread of spirituality; we desperately need the fresh bread of today.
Making time with God a joy
Having made time to spend with God, the next step is to make sure our devotional experience is rich, satisfying, and challenging. Some achieve this by reading the Bible from start to finish, five chapters at a time. For others, that does not work. We each have to find the method that best deepens our own relationship with God. Personally, I need to read the Bible slowly, dwelling on the thoughts God is sharing with me. I usually focus on one particular verse or aspect of what I'm reading and carry that thought through out the day.
As you know, when we read it helps to put ourselves into the stories. Let the imagination flow and see yourself as part of that biblical account, asking God for insight. Then look at what the passage says about the character of God and the weaknesses of humanity. Take time to dwell on any symbolism and images. For example, in Psalm 1 God likens a godly person to a tree. Why? What personal message is there?
One tip I have found helpful is to keep a notebook nearby when I spend time with God. It is divided into three sections. The first contains a prayer list, answers to prayers, and thoughts I believe God has shared with me through prayer. The second section has information from the Bible or other inspirational books that is pertinent to my needs. The third is for recording thoughts that have made an impact on me that I want to share with others.
Reading the Bible in such a way has made a tremendous difference to my relationship with God. His Word has become a power, an inspiration, and a tool for change. My time with God is exciting, refreshing, and satisfying as I am learning more and more about the incredible love God has for me.
It lasts throughout the day
Enjoying the companionship with God does not terminate with the end of our devotional time. We can enjoy His friend ship throughout the day. While ironing our husbands' shirts, we can pray for them. Clearing up the never-ending havoc our kids leave can remind us to thank God for them. While preparing the Sabbath meal for visiting members, we can pray that God will show us how to minister to them. Having a notice board in the kitchen dotted with photos of people to pray for is another way to maintain communication with God. It also helps to have Christian books or magazines scattered about the house for whenever we find five minutes for a page or two of spiritual refreshment.
Listening to Christian music or sermons on tape can also bring strength. If your church does not already tape its Sabbath services, ask your husband to arrange it. Most of us with young children spend more time out of the sanctuary than in, so this is a good way to keep in touch. A key ring with little cards with Bible texts relevant to your particular needs is another way in which God can talk to us. When time permits, we can flick through the cards, remembering that God wants to deal with every facet of our lives.
Fostering our friendship with God is not easy it requires great effort and commitment. There may be days when our relationship with Him seems dry and we feel nothing, but does that really matter? During those times we can just minister to Him out of our love for Him! And when we do, we will find an experience that surpasses anything else on earth!
*Unless otherwise stated, all Bible texts in this article are from the New International Version.
1. James Dobson, Man to Man About Women (Eastbourne, United Kingdom: Kingsway Publications, Ltd., 1976), p. 22.
2. Frank B. Minirth and Paul D. Meier, Happiness Is a Choice (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1990), p. 169.
3. James Buchan, The Indomitable Mary Slessor (New York: Seabury, 1981), p. 86.
4. Sally McClung, Where Will I Find the Time? (Eastbourne, United Kingdom: Kingsway Publications, Ltd., 1988).
5. Anne Ortlund, Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman (Waco, Tex.: Word, Inc., 1984).
