Are you listening, former pastor?

To Local Church Elders

Herben Martin is a pseudonym for a dentist who lives in the midwestern United States.

I am an elder in a local church where our pastor, much like Roger Bryant (July 1992), left the ministry for another woman in our congregation. I feel compelled to write so readers will consider the other side of the story. Our church suffered one of the most crippling blows that Satan could have dealt it when our much-loved pas tor abruptly left the ministry. He left his family and moved in with a lady who was a leader in our youth department. My comments will directly stem from our local experience and the recovery that is ensuing.

The most visible and most affected victims of this crisis were obviously the families with the small children that were left behind. Imagine the absolute devastation a congregation feels as they watch the deserted father of two small children struggle with a Mother's Day program. Regardless how spiritually strong a person is, this leaves an emotional scar that will never disappear. Though forgiven, it will always be there.

Other victims of our pastor's adultery were the recent converts. I'm quick to realize that members are responsible for their own choices and that they can't blame a former pastor for their own apostasy. The fact remains that pastors have a lot of spiritual responsibility; people look to them for spiritual guidance. When members are betrayed by the pastor who brought them into God's truth, they feel they have nothing left to stand on. Many times they fall out of fellowship permanently, as the loss of their pastor leaves a chasm too wide for anyone in the congregation to fill.

The young people in our congregation were also vulnerable. They experienced serious doubt that Christianity is even a viable entity. Other victims of our pastor's action include those of the community outside the congregation who say: "If that's what Adventism does for a person, we don't want any part of it." Everyone is affected by the adultery of a pastor.

Yes, former pastor, I know you didn't divorce us, but sometimes it sure feels like it. I'm thankful that we have a forgiving God who looks at all sin equally. He views the adulterous situation as no more wrong than our own private sins. Sin is the separation of people from God, and Brother Bryant's experience is different only in that it affected many people.

Why did it happen?

Sin happens to anyone, pastor or layperson, who takes his or her eyes off Jesus and focuses on self. Our former pastor sinned when he refused to surrender to God his obviously out of control feelings. Long before adultery, he chose to focus on himself and not the Lord. Why it happened can be summed up in one word, as can all other sin: SELF.

Brother Bryant offers some poignant factors in assessing the why of adultery. His points should be read and reread by all. There are those in any congregation who would say that Brother Bryant needs to leave his current wife to show true repentance. I believe just the opposite; God forgives them in their situation if they are truly repentant. The Brother Bryant in our congregation, however, comes boldly into our church pretending that nothing ever happened. The attitude of "I never did anything wrong" comes across even if it is inaccurate, and only adds to the hurt and pain that the congregation goes through. While it is absolutely true that no person should be shunned by an official greeter, the betrayal and hurt that your former congregation must feel runs deeply. When suddenly confronted with your presence, they know not what to say or do. The faults that the people in your former congregation exhibit are no less grave than yours, and if the truth were known, they too probably feel guilty about their behavior. To all Brother Bryants: Please be patient. God is working on our lives just as He is working on yours.

How did the church react?

I saw the official church in a much different capacity than Brother Bryant experienced. I saw a conference president go way beyond the call of duty to encourage and uplift our former pastor. I saw a loving church family wrenched apart as they agonized over the disfellowshipping of one who had grown up and been baptized in their church. Believe me, the disciplinary action of disfellowshipping was not the first step that was taken to redeem this couple. I saw only bitterness, accusations, and finger pointing when they were con fronted with their adulterous behavior. Just like anyone in wrongdoing, they didn't take discipline kindly. In our case, they were not kicked when they were down, but they certainly took it that way. Discipline doesn't say "You're not good enough to be in our fellowship," but rather, "You are on the wrong track; we love you and want you to turn from your error. Deep, painful, and eternal consequences will result from your current pathway." When an errant member (pastor or laymember) continues on his or her path of spiritual destruction, the biblical precedent is to take strong but loving action. Sadly, people in an adulterous situation will do anything to defend their lifestyle, regardless of the counsel given by caring, loving church members.

I suspect that Brother Bryant is chastising the church, and much of what he says is right on target. Conferences need not only a pastoral recovery program but an ongoing counseling program to minister to pastors' needs long before crises develop.

I'm saddened when I hear that there is a large number of former members who love the teachings of the church but who are gone from our fellowship. If these people would only realize that change can best be achieved from within, and if they would continue to fellowship with the church, their spiritual growth could foster the growth of the church body. Too often, getting out is simply the easy way out. I'm thrilled that Brother Bryant found a caring congregation. The congregation that our pastor left is truly that kind also, and only reacts otherwise because of the betrayal and pain they've experienced.

Where do we go from here?

I would challenge all ministers and leaders to look candidly at their marriages. There are many relationships among our leadership that have the appearance of harmony but are hopelessly hollow. Please have the honesty to admit there is a problem, and then seek help. By God's grace it is never too late for corrective action.

I would also like to ask Brother Bryant if he has considered making a public confession before those who were devastated by his adultery. I sense in his article a wish that he could turn back the clock, but is there a true heartfelt repentance? I would challenge all Brother Bryants to consider the magnitude of hurt that they have precipitated in their former congregations and to consider the healing that could take place with the public acknowledgment and confession of their adultery. The point would not be to rationalize and justify, but to say "Brothers and sisters, I have sinned against God and against you. Please forgive me."

We will witness the redemption of many former members when former pastors have the courage to stand up and say that. I would hope that they would see the need to take their stand in rebaptism. Much love and forgiveness would flow from such an action and overwhelm our Brother Bryants.

Thank you, former pastor, for get ting our attention. We are listening; are you?


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Herben Martin is a pseudonym for a dentist who lives in the midwestern United States.

March 1993

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