Outdoing in showing honor

Experience had taught me to call ahead. The telephone rang two times. "Hello, Brady* here." We had never met. His wife had made the appointment.

"Hello, Mr. Brady, this is Esther Ramharacksingh⁺ from Sligo church. I'm calling to confirm our appointment for this evening. I'll be there in 10 minutes."

"A pastor is coming over."

"Yes, and I'll be there in 10 minutes." Oh, good. Mrs. Brady had told her husband, and they were expecting me.

"A pastor is coming over."

"That's right, and I'm about 10 minutes away."

This repetitious dialogue, in varied forms, continued a few more times, each time with his increasing emphasis on the word "pastor." Then it dawned on me what was going on. It must have dawned on Mr. Brady about the same time, be cause his phone hit something hard. And then I heard him loudly prophesying, "No woman pastor is going to visit this house! No woman pastor is coming here!''

After a brief pause Mrs. Brady came to the phone. "My husband isn't feeling well. Perhaps you could come at another time." With a cheerful voice and a saddened heart I promised to call back to reschedule. I wished I hadn't called ahead.

O Lord, when will the barriers be broken? How can I reach this family for You? What can I do?

The answer came the next morning in the shower.

On my way to the office I bought a bunch of fresh-cut flowers. After a quick stop at the office to gather courage from my colleagues, I drove to the Bradys' apartment.

Upon arriving, I realized their building had a security door at the entrance. It was the kind with no buzzers. Someone had to know you were coming. Great! How was I going to get in? I tried the handle. By a miracle of God's grace the lock hadn't caught when the last person left. Thank You, Lord. That's one hurdle down. One more big one to go.

A deep breath, a sigh, and then a firm, confident knock. Mr. Brady opened the door.

"Hello. I'm Esther Ramharacksingh, a pastor at Sligo church. I was supposed to visit your home last night, but your wife said you weren't feeling well. So I brought you these flowers just to let you know I care." There, I said it, and all in one breath.

I couldn't read his strange expression. Maybe I had spoken too fast and he didn't understand me. But then Mr. Brady smiled. He invited me into his home. That was more than I had prayed for. Inside, I had a wonderful time of fellow ship with the family. Mrs. Brady beamed. And when we made a circle and knelt for prayer, Mr. Brady accepted my out stretched hand. I said goodbye with a cheerful voice and a happy heart.

I was glad I had called ahead.

So, what's the moral of the story? It's about breaking down barriers and "outdoing one another in showing honor" (see Rom. 12:10, RSV). As a woman working in what has traditionally been a man's profession, I occasionally face barriers. But obstacles are apart of life for everyone. I have found that little acts of kindness and compassion break down these barriers.

I love that passage in Romans that says "outdo one another in showing honor." When we work with difficult people, the natural tendency is to be as difficult as they are. The more rewarding path is to try to find a creative way to break down the barrier. Many times I've prayed for just the right thing to say or do. After all, the Creator is the best source of creative ideas.

The rewards of this kind of living are great. Imagine the surprise of an "opponent" when they realize you have indeed outdone them by showing honor. Mr. Brady was certainly surprised when I showed up at his door. We built a positive relationship that day. This could be the happy ending to the story, but there's more.

Six months later my telephone rang two times.

"Hello, this is Esther." "Hello, I called because I need to talk to a pastor."

"Yes, how can I help you?"

"Pastor, my family has a big problem. ... Please, please pray with me."

As I prayed, I could hear he was crying. I had tears of my own. I was glad he had called.

It was Mr. Brady.

I shared this story with my fellow pastors as part of a worship presentation. Later that day a retired pastor came to me and let me know how much he enjoyed my worship thoughts and how appropriate they were. He then proceeded to tell me that he didn't think that I, a woman, should be a pastor. I listened politely. Then he said, "So what are you going to do with a codger like me?"

I smiled and responded, "I'm going to outdo you in showing honor!"