You're Not What I Expected

You're Not What I Expected: Learning to Love the Opposite Sex

Book Review

Andy McRae, associate pastor, Sligo church, Takoma Park, Maryland.

If marriage is entered into with such joy and hope, why so many failures? What goes wrong? And when? Young- Eisendrath suggests that one answer lies in our expectations of each other. These expectations arise outside our awareness and develop into a "dream lover" we look for someone else to fulfill. The author and her husband are cotherapists who help couples dialogue their way through unhealthy expectations to an acceptance of the real other person, of one's own real self, and the possibility of a lasting, intimate relationship. Case studies of three couples provide a narrative flow for the theory explored in the book. The book is loaded with insights for our own marriages and for our role of pastoring people with troubled relationships.


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Andy McRae, associate pastor, Sligo church, Takoma Park, Maryland.

January 1997

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