Marcus, fresh out of seminary, got his first district. Full of enthusiastic plans for outreach, personal ministries, and church growth, he soon found himself immersed in what he thought was a barrage of unfair criticism. Some folk complained about his sermons, others about his leadership style. An elder thought he was spending too much time at home. Others complained that he wasn't receptive enough to their needs. No matter what Marcus did, it seemed that someone didn't like something. At times, the discouragement was so overwhelming that he questioned his whole future as a minister.
No one, for sure, likes to be criticized. But no minister can avoid it. To believe you can is a fantasy. Thus, those individuals contemplating the ministry should seriously ask themselves how they respond to criticism. If you indulge in self-pity or have a high need for affirmation from people the ministry is not for you.
People seldom give a pastor emotional support, because it seems like an inappropriate role reversal. A pastor is expected to be a source of spiritual strength, nurture, and compassion for others; one, in contrast, who seeks reassurance and support from parishioners for himself will often threaten those same people. You are expected to support their emotional needs and not have any yourself.
The most common cause of criticism is rooted in transference, the psychological phenomenon in which the pastor is subconsciously perceived as a parental figure. This means that people's reaction to authority figures or unresolved emotional issues of their childhood will be placed in the pastor's lap. If people felt neglected by their parents, they will tend to feel neglected by their pastor. If people felt rejected by their parents, they will be quick to see "rejection" in the pastor. Inevitably, criticism will follow.
You heard it through the grapevine
Because of the perception of the pastor as an authority figure, people seldom take the time and effort to confront you directly. What you get, instead, is indirect criticism. It is best to either ignore "grapevine" criticism or to water it down. Listening to criticism that comes through gossip can give undue weight to offhanded remarks and petty grumbling. People sometimes complain about the pastor as one might complain about government: as a symbol, not a human being. If the pastor listens to complaints filtered through the grapevine, he can become discouraged and lose perspective. After all, bad news travels faster than good news. The grapevine seldom repeats compliments. Also, people sometimes say things in a moment of irritation that they may forget ten minutes later. Never give too much weight to the grapevine.
Of course, some criticism can be overtly hostile. More often than not it is simply an attempt to influence the pastor to fulfill the needs and wishes of the one criticizing. Many times people think they are being helpful, not realizing that pastors get criticism from all sides.
Interestingly enough, the problem of transference can work the other way as well. Powerful local church leaders can be perceived by the pastor as a threat, especially if they utter criticism. The pastor may regard his administrators with the same unrealistic emotional expectations that the people place on him.
Tips for dealing with criticism
Cultivate your support network. The best way for the pastor to deal with criticism is by seeking peer support from other ministers and friends who are not parishioners. Here is the most appropriate place to be human. Free from role expectations and symbolic responsibilities, the pastor can get support among those more apt to understand his struggles.
Cut criticism down to size. Criticism needs to be processed, not swallowed whole and raw. Realize that you probably hear criticism more loudly than praise and that satisfied "customers" usually take the service for granted and do not express appreciation.
Practice the art of positive self-talk. Do not try to counteract the pain of criticism by seeking out positive affirmation from parishioners; otherwise, you'll leave yourself vulnerable to greater hurt feelings if you fail to receive support. You can, however, give public support and praise to others. People are more apt to express appreciation if they feel appreciated.
Focus on your own identity and mission and reach out to people in love. Do not nurse the wounds of words that hurt. Sometimes even your friends and supporters can utter careless words. Don't risk alienating friends by dwelling upon criticism. Let it go. The person who criticizes you today may sing your praises tomorrow.
Stay calm. Under the stresses of job pressure and the sense of alienation, it is easy to exaggerate the threat criticism poses. Accept it for what it is: criticism—an inevitable thorn on the rose of life. Let your mind dwell on the positive, nurturing aspects of your ministry and not the negative side.
Don't persecute yourself. Why define yourself according to the most negative impressions of others? Everyone makes mistakes. Life's a learning process, and ministry is an infinite job. Is there truth in the criticism? Do the best you can to correct the situation. How do you expect others to forgive you if you don't forgive yourself?
Be humble. No one can perform at such a level or manipulate public opinion in such a way as to avoid criticism. In time everyone has got to live with it. Perfectionism is a vanity that ministers cannot afford.
Do not retaliate! This is essential. Do not criticize in return or gossip about your perceived adversaries. You will do only harm. Make peace with yourself and end the conflict by dropping it and moving on.
In short, expect criticism. It's an inevitable part of the job. But with a little calm detachment, we can put criticism into perspective and, in fact, use it as a tool for growth.
Unfortunately, that's a lesson Marcus never learned. He retaliated, didn't stay calm, and always took criticism personally. Within two years, bitter, discouraged, and hostile to the church—he left the Unfortunately, that's a lesson Marcus never learned. He retaliated, didn't stay calm, and always took criticism personally. Within two years, bitter, discouraged, and hostile to the church—he left the ministry.
