Appreciating your spouse for effective ministry

On one occasion as a wedding coordinator, I told the congregation that my wife was present as I was making the introductions. I told everyone how wonderful my wife is and that I thank God so much for such a woman in my life. When the event finished, a man came to me and shook my hand, affirming how I had introduced my wife.

Then, a young lady came up to me. She asked me why I talked so much about my wife. I asked her—and her friends—why they thought I did it. I got the following answers: “It will make others respect her.” “If any outsider thinks about intruding, they will be discouraged.” “It will make you stop comparing other women to her.”

As a pastor, one of your most important ministries is your relationship with your spouse. Spousal happiness affects the spouse’s support of the pastor’s ministry, and a good spousal relationship is evidence of a successful ministry. “Pastoral family lifestyle is one of the keys to success in the ministry of the church.”¹

My wife has been my best friend ever since we got married. Any time I get the opportunity, I project to the world how wonderful she is. Showing appreciation is not limited to saying it alone; it includes doing everything in the presence of all to show that your spouse is very important to you. And your spouse should know that they are special to you.

After a duplicitous exchange with a Philistine monarch, Isaac learned to do the right thing. “Now it came to pass, when he had been there a long time, that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked through a window, and saw, and there was Isaac, showing endearment to Rebekah his wife” (Gen. 26:8, NKJV). There is something to learn from Isaac. Even though it was wrong for him to declare Rebekah as his sister, it was good that their subsequent actions announced unequivocally that they were lovebirds.

Couples should work so hard that each would have reasons to let the world know how special their spouses are. “Appreciating your spouse is a binding factor in relationships. Showing your spouse you appreciate and value them can be challenging because every person likes to receive affection and appreciation differently.”²

Ten ways to say “I love you”

Applaud his achievements daily.
Praise her and tell her you love her.
Provide time off to relax and get away.
Reach into your wallet when it is not her birthday.
Eat your own cooking sometimes.
Call him during work time to say you miss him.
Interest yourself in her interests.
Argue only when by yourselves.
Tell no one your spouse’s shortcomings.
Elevate her strengths and be blessed by them.³

Whenever people see couples, something should show those watching that they are lovebirds. This can be evident in the way they dress, walk together, talk together, eat together, play together, and in how one floods the other with loving affirmation. “The purpose [of building stronger marriages] is so that when others see how we interact with each other in ways that display the love of God, it could attract them to our lives, our homes, and ultimately to want to know our God better. And isn’t that the point of the ministry that God has called you to, as a Pastor?”⁴

Public recognition is very important to show love toward the one recognized. Pastors should show the maximum respect to their spouses in public to serve as examples for others to emulate, because how ministers treat their spouses will also determine how effective their ministries are.