Some years ago, while I was pastoring, two young ladies who occasionally attended church came to me with a request after the sermon.
“Pastor, we love each other, we live together as a family, we are not married yet, but we would like to have Bible studies and be baptized, and then we would like you to marry us. We don’t cheat on one another; we love Jesus and love people. We try to keep the Sabbath and help the poor. We study the Bible daily. We pray regularly. What can we do to be baptized and married?”
In the most kind, polite way, I explained several things, trying to make sure they had a clear understanding of what the Bible says about same-sex relationships.
I underlined several points, like, according to the Bible, in Romans chapter 3, we are all sinners, we all fall short of God’s glory, and we all are in need of change, repentance, transformation, and growth.
I prayed with them. My wife and I then visited them a few times. I talked to them at the church several times. I gave them Bible studies; however, I neither baptized them nor married them.
We see the speck
Growth, transformation, and victory are possible only in God’s power. In our power we may be able to change the external behavior, but we can never change our hearts or nature (Jer. 13:23; Rom. 7:15–20). We can do all things only through Christ (Phil. 4:13; 2:13).
We humans often tend to see other people’s sins as greater than our own or our loved ones’ sins. We tend to explain and excuse our children’s mistakes, and yet we condemn the same mistakes in others. The Bible says that we must not judge others (Matt. 7:1–3). Rather, each person should analyze himself or herself, seek forgiveness, and beg for God’s transformation (1 John 1:9). And instead of pointing fingers at others, we should share God’s love with them and help them.
As humans, we are inclined to think some sins are not as bad as other sins. We may criticize, gossip, lie, or cheat and think it is not as bad as murderers, abusers, and adulterers, thus implying that some sins are not as dangerous as others. Yet the Bible clearly says that the outcome of any sin is death (Rom. 6:23), and any sin is equally guilty of nailing the Son of God to the cross.
The clear biblical line
Day by day during the Creation week, God created so many things and declared that they were good. But He blessed only two things that week—marriage and the Sabbath. God created a man and a woman, then married them and blessed their unity (Gen. 2:18–24). So He set aside marriage and the Sabbath as special and holy. The Bible says that whatever God blesses is blessed for eternity (1 Chron. 17:27).
God could have compared His relationship with His children with many good things, but He repeatedly compares it with marriage (e.g., Matt. 25:1–13; Eph. 5:23–27; Rev. 19:7–9).
He set aside marriage as a holy institution and says that marriage should be purely maintained (Heb. 13:4).
The Bible clearly says that a man should have an intimate relationship with only his wife and clearly defines family as a man and a woman (1 Cor. 7).
Jesus emphasized that love and marriage should be as God had established them from the very beginning, between a man and a woman (Matt. 19:8), and only after they are married (1 Cor. 6:18; 7:2).
God’s Word says that to have intimate relationships or sexual relationships with someone of the same gender is a sin (Rom. 1:26, 27; 1 Cor. 6:9, 10).
Step by step
Step by step, I led the young ladies through what the Bible says about their specific situation. I emphasized that we are all sinners in one way or another, we all need repentance, God loves us all equally, and Jesus died on the cross for all people to forgive all sins.
I told them that we all need to repent and experience transformation and that God has the power to transform and save anyone.
I told them that, as a church, we are called to lead people to God and His Word. As a church, we follow the Bible’s rules and standards in everything we do. We must love and respect all people as much as Jesus loves people. And I told them that we must help and care for all people.
Yet while we love them and care for them, as a church, we cannot follow human opinions, only the Bible. And the Bible calls us all to repentance and transformation.
I told them that repentance is the main condition for baptism. That means turning around from any sin. It implies a commitment to love and accept Jesus as our Savior, follow Him and His Word, and trust that He is able to transform and save us.
I also told them that, as a church, we follow the rule that God gave us in His Word about marriage, too, the clear line that the Bible gives as a condition for marriage in the church (as explained above).
So we kept loving these two ladies and caring for them and helping them at any time they had a need; however, they did not get baptized or married in the church.
The choice is ours
There are different choices made. Some people fully accept God’s Word and experience transformation. Others prefer to wait for a different time or to study more. And yet others have different views or pleasures and prefer to go their way.
God gave all of us freedom of choice. He says, choose today (Josh. 24:15). So the choice belongs to us. Regardless of what one chooses, we are called to love them and pray for them, tell them the good news in Jesus, and help them understand God’s Word. Yet at the same time, we are called to uplift and follow God’s Word above any human opinion. We must not twist God’s Word to our own pleasure or personal opinion.
In all these things we are called to be like Jesus. Regardless of what others may think or do, we are called to be a light, clearly show and follow the Bible, treat people with love, and tell the Bible truth with wisdom and without compromise.
As pastors, we must be examples of loving and leading people to Jesus and His Word.
