The secret to writing a good eulogy follows the wit of George Burns: Have a good beginning, a good ending, and have the two as close together as possible.
But that good beginning can be a challenge.
With pen in hand, one begins the scratching of the labored composition. A good eulogy. A chance to celebrate a precious life. Sharing memories. Remembering happy times. Like talking to a friend about why this person was so special. Like sharing what made this person unique and loved.
Some I had to do
There was the task of writing a eulogy for Bill, a kind person known and loved for his sense of humor. We first met in gym class as freshmen in high school. Neither one of us could jump a hurdle without knocking it over. We knew nothing about sprint or speed or the straddling of rope climbing.
The next was the death of my mother-in-law. At age 91, Anna had been still cooking in her own home. Complimented on this accomplishment, Anna, in her humble way, jested, “Been cooking since I was twelve. If I haven’t learned a thing or two, I would have been a very dumb bunny indeed.”
Another eulogy was for Frank, my choir buddy for over 20 years. About the only thing I could tell “bad” about Frank was his dislike for one of our director’s favorite hymns, “What Have We Done?” In that eulogy I responded to that hymn title: “Frankly, Frank, we did it all. Not only were you a great tenor, but you were an amazing human being.”
The most memorable
You learn a lot about people and human nature from listening to eulogies. There’s always something about them that leaves a mark on the world, that evokes love and admiration. In a sense, God, the ultimate Creative Genius, puts each of us together in a way that makes us unusual, unique, wonderful.
My goal when I write and deliver a eulogy is to make the words the most memorable event about the service, more memorable than the tears, more memorable than the scandalous dress worn by one of the mourners, more memorable than a mountain of floral tributes.
The eulogizer has the freedom to create and present a sketch appropriate to the character of the dearly departed and to meet the spiritual and emotional needs of the grieving family.
- Start writing in advance. This is one task that must not be left to the last minute.
- Ask for some input from trusted family members. Be selective.
- Have a specific mission for the eulogy. What do the survivors need to hear?
- Be positive. Loved ones will miss the deceased for a reason. It’s your job to find out what that is. Be personal.
- Introduce yourself if it was not done by the emcee or another speaker. Define your relationship with the deceased.
- Present from a written text. Where there is death, there will be emotion. By creating a text, you know what you want to say. And people will ask you for copies.
- Address the family directly. This can be the hardest part of the process but is, in many ways, the most beneficial.
- Use narrative strategies that are dynamic. Tell a story. The best eulogies are respectful and solemn, but humor provides relief to the mourners.
- The closing must be a statement of gratitude. A reflection or a message of comfort. Finding the right closing words can be challenging. Feeling reluctant to end a eulogy is part of the grieving process. Sometimes it is easier to use someone else’s words, like “What a legacy. What a life” or “It is now our turn to live life to the fullest.”
Be sure to leave your audience with hope. Somebody said that when our lives end, we should leave this world a little better than it was when we found it. God-willing, when your eulogy ends, your hearers will leave the edifice a little more hopeful than when you began. 
