Many years ago I conducted a series of meetings at one of our Adventist universities. A close friend was the musician for the meetings. We were staying at the same host’s house, and one night, while parked in the driveway after a meeting, we had a conversation that radically changed my life.
I had not been in the best romantic relationships up to that point. Often finding myself in unhealthy situations and putting more effort into them than getting back in return, I usually ended up with a broken heart. Compounding this problem were family dynamics. Over time I developed a negative mindset about relationships, facing mental health challenges as a result. My hope and faith in something good happening for me in the romantic arena dwindled.
A few years before our driveway conversation, I had experienced a transformative season of revival in my prayer life. I began praying about my relationships and felt God was leading me to believe that He would bless me in this area. However, five years after that initial experience and after countless prayers of faith, I faced a crushing disappointment when a door that I thought would stay open closed, firmly and finally. That long season of praying and hoping, only to see it not come to pass, left me deeply discouraged and struggling to believe that God could or would ever bless me in finding the right wife.
As we sat in that car, I opened up to my friend, saying that I noticed someone at the meetings, but she seemed out of my league. So I said that I wasn’t going to do anything about it. My friend then asked a question that profoundly impacted me: “Are you giving the desires of your heart to God?”
I paused, then tried to deflect by quoting Scripture: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and who can know it?” (Jer. 17:9). I argued that the desires of my heart did not really matter.
But my friend did not let up, sharing multiple Bible verses about how God longs to give us the desires of our hearts and wants to bless His children. He helped me see that I had lost sight of my own value amid my pain and disappointments. “I’m not going to tell you what to do,” he said, “but I encourage you to take some time to truly give the desires of your heart to God.”
Renewed hope
He was right. That night I went before God, repented of losing hope, and surrendered the desires of my heart to Him. I laid five specific requests before Him, and over the next few years, I saw God bring incredible healing and transformation into my life, far exceeding my expectations in all five. Though the person I noticed at those meetings was not the answer to my prayers, those prayers served as a motivator to confront my brokenness, reengage my faith, and expect God to fulfill His promises. A few years later God brought a woman into my life who ministered to my soul as no one else ever had. She helped me see myself the way God sees me, which was profoundly healing. Today my wife and I have the privilege of sharing these principles with others, offering hope to those who have lost sight of God’s faithfulness and His longing to bless His children.
I share this story because so many people we encounter in ministry are worn down by life’s difficulties. But it is not just them—ministers, too, face discouragement and challenges that overwhelm us and cause us to lose sight of God’s love. At the time of this story, I was a traveling minister, preaching across the country and around the world, pleading with people to believe what God says about them. Yet I was deeply discouraged, dealing with depression, loneliness, and heavy financial challenges. The grind of ministry was wearing me down.
I had lost sight of where I had come from. I had forgotten how to lay hold of God’s Word with living faith and expect great things from Him. Though I believed in God’s promises for the people to whom I ministered, I struggled to believe them for myself. At one of my lowest points, God spoke directly to me, saying, “Dee, the reason I keep sending you to all these places to share these same messages is because you don’t believe what you’re saying. You believe it for them, but you don’t believe it for yourself. I won’t let you go until you let Me bless you.”
Pray for oneself
One of the biggest barriers to answered prayers during that time was my lack of self-awareness and my unwillingness to be honest about how my upbringing had shaped my self-perception. In prayer I focused more on others’ needs than on my own, subconsciously believing that my needs did not matter. I was not claiming God’s promises, my unbelief that things could get better was holding me back, and I was allowing my circumstances to define how I viewed God’s posture toward me.
In Exodus 6:1–9 God gives a beautiful promise to Israel through Moses. Verse 9 says, “So Moses spoke thus to the children of Israel; but they did not heed Moses, because of anguish of spirit and cruel bondage” (NKJV). Their pain and negative experiences made them incapable of believing God’s promises, which delayed His ability to act until they were aligned with Him.
In Exodus 14:10–18, when the Israelites faced the Egyptians at the Red Sea, they complained that they would have been better off staying in bondage than facing the disappointment they feared when they first heard this promise. I know that when things did not go as anticipated, I wished that I had never gotten a promise at all to begin with. It’s easier to remain in a state of hopelessness than to believe things could change and, thus, risk discouragement again.
Romans 5:5 reminds us that “hope does not disappoint,” and Romans 15:13 declares, “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (NKJV). He is the God of hope who loves us and longs to fill us with joy and peace as we trust Him.
Steps to Personal Revival
One of the biggest things that lifted me out of my dark place came a few months after the conversation in the car. A friend recommended that I read Steps to Personal Revival by Helmut Haubeil. The book helped me realize how little I understood about personal prayer and the power that God wants to give His children. While reading it in a parking lot on a sunny Sabbath afternoon, I wrote in the margin: “I don’t know how to pray for myself.” I had spent hours upon hours praying fervently for others and saw countless miracles on their behalf, but I did not know how to pray for myself—largely because I did not value myself or see myself as God did.
My prayers, basically, were: “God, I’m asking that You would forgive my sins, fill me with Your Spirit, and guide me today. But, anyways, I don’t really matter; what I really need you to do is to help these people with their problems.” It sounds so sad as I think about it now and about where I was mentally. Clearly I had lost sight of what I most needed to hear. It can happen to all of us, even pastors.
After reading this book I began taking what God’s Word said about me and claiming it daily. In my phone’s notes app, I created a list of Bible and Spirit of Prophecy promises, reading and praying over them every day—promises of God’s love, healing, deliverance, hope, and provision. Over time the darkness began to lift, and I started to see myself as God sees me. Even today, when discouraged, I return to that list and remind myself of God’s truth.
Second Peter 1:3, 4 says that, through His promises, God has given us everything we need for life and godliness. By claiming those promises, we partake of His divine nature and escape negative mindsets and our bondage to sin. There is power and life in the promises. Jesus also prayed in John 17:17, “Sanctify them by Your truth. Your Word is truth” (NKJV). He prayed that God would transform His people through the creative power of His Word as they claim His precious promises.
Claim His promises
I am eternally grateful for that conversation in the driveway because it opened my eyes to how my pain had distorted my worldview. Today I know the love God has for me—not just for those to whom I minister. Isaiah 55:8, 9 reminds me that God’s thoughts are higher than mine. He does not see me as I see myself. When received into my heart, His Word will accomplish its purpose and not return to Him void (v. 11).
When I finally realized that these promises in Scripture were not just for my members but also for me, I began to pray these promises back to God. I then saw incredible things happen in my life. Depression left, financial circumstances turned around, and a new career opportunity came my way that allowed me to start an evangelism school at a conference and eventually become a pastor. I found an incredible wife and partner in ministry, and we both truly enjoy serving others. It was as if God had opened a window in heaven and overwhelmed me with His goodness and faithful provision. I knew intellectually that this could happen, but I began to experience it for myself only when I acted on what God had laid out in His Word. Sure, challenges still come, but now I have the tools to navigate them properly.
I am not alone among fellow ministers who have struggled with similar challenges. Maybe this article can be to you what that conversation in the car was to me: something to help you believe what God says in His Word and to hold Him to it for you, yourself, personally. It will change your life and ministry, as it did mine.
