Raising children in the faith is one of the greatest joys—and challenges—for Adventist parents, especially pastoral parents. Surrounded by teachings, rituals, and traditions, many Adventist children grow up immersed in Christianity but never develop a personal connection with God. It leaves them vulnerable to spiritual drift—especially when crises arise.
How can pastors help parents support children in cultivating a relationship with God rather than simply instilling religious behaviors? What role does emotional support play in fostering true discipleship? This article offers practical responses to these questions through biblical insights, informed research, and the powerful story of a modern young woman named Hadassah, whose journey highlights the transformative work of God through life’s crises.
An unexpected catalyst for faith
Scripture teaches us that spiritual growth often arises from hardship. Research confirms that transformation can happen through crisis.1 The story of the prodigal son (Luke 15) illustrates this possibility. The father allowed his son to leave, knowing the journey would be difficult. It was not until the son faced failure and despair that he recognized his need for his father’s love and guidance. Often, children must encounter trials to discover their need for God.
Hadassah’s story mirrors this process. Raised in a loving Christian family, she grew up surrounded by faith but felt disconnected from God. After surviving a devastating car accident that left her body broken, she spiraled into depression, addiction, and despair. It was not until she hit rock bottom that she opened her heart to God and began the journey of discipleship.
Motifs for conversion
Researchers have identified six motifs that lead to spiritual transformation.2 Let’s briefly touch on each and see how they were reflected in Hadassah’s life.
The intellectual motif—the ability to sort life intellectually—was not Hadassah’s fuel to becoming a disciple. While she had access to biblical teaching through her family, as well as religious education both both in the church and church school she attended, she did not connect with her faith through those channels.
The mystical motif—a supernatural encounter leading a person to be “born again”—was, in a way, a custom-made motif for Hadassah because God had saved her from death. Yet that crisis and supernatural intervention caught her unprepared, because her heart was not yet open to Christ.
The experimental motif—a gradual, longer process—often works among children growing up in churches. When the COVID-19 pandemic closed local churches, Hadassah was encouraged to bring her church engagement to the next level to see if it would help her connect with God. When she agreed, she and her boyfriend started organizing home worship services for their peers each weekend. They also met regularly in the middle of the week to plan and pray. Young adults ran the whole worship service, including the preaching. It produced powerful moments of experiencing God, but it did not bring the desired outcome for Hadassah. Beneath the surface, she harbored unhealthy addictions and behaviors that were preventing true heart transformation.
The affectional motif—a relational conversion style—is an incredibly powerful way of helping people change the direction of their life through relationships. Hadassah, however, had grown up in a loving Christian family and experienced caring relationships. That motif did not bring the desired outcome either.
The typical revivalist motif involves people experiencing change as part of a crowd listening to a powerful sermon, often presented by a charismatic speaker. It may cause some to experience fear, guilt, and joy of such intensity that it leads them to spiritual rebirth. Yet again, this was not an effective method for Hadassah. On the contrary, such sermons discouraged her and even turned her off from going to church.
Researchers report one more motif, which they call the coercive motif. Although often looked down upon because some view it as “brainwashing,” God can use it to transform even a doubter into a newborn disciple. After Hadassah finished college, she moved away from her religious community to a big city, where she got a job and started her adult life. The hope was that, with the distance, she would recover from the unhealthy, addictive relationship she had with her boyfriend—but the opposite took place. The relational addiction that had become an escape from pain found other means. Using marijuana and alcohol led her even more deeply into depression, and eventually, suicidal thoughts emerged. Hadassah knew that her life was about to end if something drastic did not happen.
Parents and pastors alike must resist the urge to control or force spiritual growth in children. Faith cannot be manufactured or imposed. It must arise from a personal encounter with God.
It was then that, based on her mom’s kind encouragement, she heard a sermon about Jonah experiencing depression. Such a message caused a tiny spark of hope to ignite in her heart. A few weeks later, she enrolled in a recovery program in California. As she entered it, her mindset was that she was finished with God and the church. She knew she desperately needed help, but the desire to follow Jesus was gone. Her hope was in the cognitive behavioral therapy offered by the program.
However, devotional readings from the Bible and the book The Ministry of Healing were required, and the facilitators were lovingly firm about it. At first, it made her hate the program. However, within a few days she realized she needed to follow the process or she would likely kill herself. The following week, she listened to the teachings but tried to ignore the “God stuff.” Surprisingly, the readings started to make sense to her. It was not “religious crap” anymore, as she would put it. For the first time in her life, her heart was open to drink in God’s Word. Her doubts started to diminish, and faith began to take root and sprout.
Her rebirth culminated in rebaptism, a moment she described as leaving behind “all the nasties of the past” and becoming “a whole, refreshed human.” Today, Hadassah is a living testimony to what happens when God works through crises to transform a heart. Her story reminds us that no one is beyond God’s reach and that He never gives up on His children.
The pitfall of protective parenting
Parents often shield their children from hardship out of love, hoping to spare them pain. While such an instinct is natural, it can inadvertently hinder spiritual growth. Overly protected children may never experience the kind of crises that can prompt reliance on God.
The Bible offers numerous examples of God working through trials to bring transformation. Moses fled to the wilderness after his life fell apart. Paul was blinded on the road to Damascus. Even Jesus faced profound suffering as a human that deepened His reliance on the Father.
Parents can take comfort in knowing that crises do not mean God has abandoned their children. On the contrary, such moments are often when He is preparing the soil of their hearts for growth. Encouraging parents to pray and trust God to work through their child’s struggles is vital, even when it’s difficult not to intervene.
Emotional support above religious drills
One common misconception is that raising children in faith is primarily about teaching doctrines, enforcing behaviors, and/or memorizing Scripture. While such practices are important, they do not guarantee a personal relationship with God and sometimes result in resentment in young people. On the other hand, emotional support and relational experiences prepare the heart for experiencing God’s transformative power. Hadassah’s experience in the recovery center was nurtured by a community demonstrating unconditional love, empathy, and authenticity, thus softening her heart.
Pastors can encourage parents to focus on nurturing their children’s emotional and spiritual needs rather than merely ensuring adherence to religious practices. This includes three practices:
Listening. Provide a safe space for children to express doubts, fears, and struggles without judgment.
Modeling. Demonstrate authentic faith in everyday life, showing children what it means to rely on God through trials and triumphs and how faith impacts daily life, from decision-making to handling adversity.
Mentoring. Surround children with trusted, godly mentors who can guide and support them on their spiritual journey.
The role of mentorship
Mentorship played a pivotal role in Hadassah’s transformation. Initially resistant to religious involvement, she was drawn to mentors who exhibited love, patience, and authenticity. Their willingness to share their struggles and faith journeys inspired her to reconsider her views about God.
Pastors and church members can serve as mentors by investing time in relationships with young people. Involving more than teaching, it requires empathy, vulnerability, and a commitment to walking alongside them through their doubts and questions. Mentorship helps create the relational trust necessary for God’s work to take root.
The growth process
Discipleship is not an event—it is a process. In Mark 4:27–29, Jesus describes the mystery of spiritual growth: “The seed sprouts and grows; he knows not how. The earth produces by itself, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear” (ESV). Growth happens outside of human control. Our role is to plant seeds, nurture the soil, and trust God to bring the increase.
Parents and pastors alike must resist the urge to control or force spiritual growth in children. Faith cannot be manufactured or imposed. It must arise from a personal encounter with God. Instead, we are called to create environments where children feel loved, valued, and open to God’s leading.
Practical steps for supporting children spiritually
To foster genuine discipleship in children, pastors can encourage parents to adopt the following practices:
- Create safe spaces. Encourage open conversations about faith, doubts, and struggles without fear of judgment or rejection.
- Allow space for growth. Avoid pressuring children to conform to religious expectations. Instead, nurture their unique journey with patience and grace.
- Equip for resilience. Teach children to turn to God during crises, emphasizing His faithfulness and provision, and relying on the powerful work of the Holy Spirit from within.
- Celebrate progress. Acknowledge and affirm small steps toward spiritual maturity, reinforcing the child’s connection with God.
Trusting the Gardener
As pastors, we have the privilege of guiding parents and children in the journey of faith. It involves planting seeds, nurturing the soil, and trusting the Gardener to bring the growth. It also means encouraging parents to let go of control, trust God in times of crisis, and prioritize emotional and spiritual support over religious drills.
Ultimately, discipleship is about heart transformation, not merely behavior modification. Believing in God does not necessarily mean being born again. Thus, discipleship is about creating an environment where children can experience God’s love in a way that draws them into a lasting relationship with Him. And when that happens, as Hadassah’s story shows, the results are nothing short of miraculous.
May we, as pastors and mentors, continue to inspire and support the next generation of disciples, trusting that the God who began a good work in them will be faithful to complete it (Phil. 1:6).
- Lewis R. Rambo and Steven C. Bauman, “Psychology of Conversion and Spiritual Transformation,” Pastoral Psychology 61 (2012): 879–894, https://doi.org/10.1007/s11089-011-0364-5.
- Timothy A. Sisemore, The Psychology of Religion and Spirituality: From the Inside Out (New York, NY: Wiley, 2016), 176.