At a recent Ministerial Council meeting with more than 200 pastors in attendance, a psychologist presented an assignment: “I want you to get into groups of two and write a list of seven ways ministry has negatively impacted your life. After you compile the list, please share it with the rest of the participants.”
Hearing the responses, I was not surprised that many pastors shared similar challenges. However, I was struck by the fact that loneliness topped the list for so many.
This raised a question: How can pastors, who are constantly surrounded by people—church members, community individuals, and family—still feel lonely? As a minister myself, I can relate. During my ministerial training, I was advised not to form friendships within the church to avoid favoritism. This guideline often made it challenging for my family and me to cultivate close relationships without inadvertently excluding others. As a result, I felt lonely.
Causes of loneliness
What are the causes of loneliness?
- Fear of vulnerability. Sometimes we avoid people to protect ourselves. We do not want others to see the real us.
- Living in a fast-paced urban environment can impede meaningful social interactions, resulting in feelings of isolation even when surrounded by others.
- Technology and social media connect us globally, but they often alter how we communicate, leading many to prefer texts and social media over face-to-face interaction.
- Aging often leads to loneliness, as elderly individuals may be less integrated into family and community life, which amplifies their sense of isolation.
Loneliness is often confused with simply being alone. However, loneliness is more profound—a disconnection that signifies a lack of both belonging and deep social intimacy. In Mending Ministers, the authors note, “Clergy families often feel trapped and alone. It can be hard to find friends who understand these struggles, except for those who are in ministry themselves.”1
Implications of loneliness on health
Loneliness is not merely an emotional experience; it has substantial health repercussions. Robin Miller, an expert in integrative medicine, defines loneliness as “perceived isolation” where the quality or quantity of relationships does not meet social needs. The consequences include increased risks for several chronic health issues:
- high blood pressure
- heart disease
- obesity
- weakened immune system
- anxiety and depression
- cognitive decline and Alzheimer’s disease
Loneliness has been found to be as damaging as smoking 15 cigarettes daily and more harmful than obesity.2
“Loneliness negatively impacts your emotional and physical well-being. Taking care of your social life is just as important for your health as maintaining a good diet or getting enough sleep,” according to Miller.3
Biblical insight on loneliness
The human need for companionship is emphasized in the Bible, as in Genesis 2:18: “It is not good for man to be alone” (NLV), showing loneliness impacts well-being. The Bible also notes Jesus’s social growth in Luke 2:52, and as an adult, He valued close relationships with friends like Lazarus, Martha, and Mary.
How to deal with loneliness
Dealing with loneliness can be challenging, but there are ways to manage and overcome it. Here are four recommended strategies:
- Self-care. First, take care of yourself. Have you ever wondered why you feel lonely despite being around people? Loneliness is not merely about being alone; it reflects a lack of meaningful connections.
- Engage in social activities. Invite friends over or attend local events. Small steps like these can open doors to new friendships. Connect with fellow pastors or others who enjoy activities that interest you, such as hiking, walking, or tennis.
- Expand your circle. Building connections requires shared experiences and honest communication. Engage in activities with others and have real conversations. By sharing openly and deepening your relationships, you encourage others to do the same.
- Balance technology with real-world relationships: While technology has its place, prioritize in-person interactions. Smartphones and social media are useful tools, but they should enhance—not replace—face-to-face connections.4
Feeling lonely occasionally is OK, but chronic loneliness is something to address. By building deeper connections with others and nurturing an open relationship with God, we can mitigate the loneliness epidemic and its associated health risks.
- Ivan Williams, Petr Ĉinĉala and René Drumm, Mending Ministers: On Their Wellness Journey (Lincoln, NE: AdventSource, 2022), 113.
- Robin Miller, The Scientific Guide to Health and Happiness (Chantilly, VA: Wondrium, 2021), 117.
- Miller, 120.
- Ruth K. Westheimer with Allison Gilbert and Pierre Lehu, The Joy of Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life (New York, NY: Rodale, 2024), 1–32.