Much is said in the word of God about fear, of which there are two kinds, protective and destructive. A life that is harassed by this destructive fear is rendered almost useless to the cause. Satan of course knows this; but the Lord has given us the remedy, which when rightly applied, will dispense with all fear. It is brought to view in 1 John 4:18: "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment."
We are told in the Spirit of prophecy that the Bible work is a "heaven-born idea." And we well know that anything that is heaven-born is hated by the devil; therefore he will not leave a thing undone to destroy the power, influence, and usefulness of those who have dedicated themselves to such a noble work. One of his most effective methods of attack is to create a fear complex, and some of us are so constituted that we become an easy prey to this.
I had three enemies to conquer when I first entered the Bible work, and at every turn these seemed to overwhelm me. They were timidity, pride, and youth. And there was a reaction which came from these that militated against my progress in the work. Perhaps some of my timidity was directly caused by the European environment in which I was brought up. I had a natural reserve which made it very difficult for me, as the work of the Lord requires holy boldness. I also had an inherent pride that was a great handicap, and I knew it came from the "father of pride." My youth I could not help, but I was conscious of it, especially when in the presence of those who were old enough to be my parents or grandparents. I learned to cherish particularly the statement that Paul made to Timothy in which he said, "Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity."
The evangelist with whom I first worked was fully aware of these various traits, but was obliged to call upon me to perform certain duties in which it was impossible for him to function. Among these was the placing of large window cards on which his picture appeared. Not being very long out of Catholicism, I naturally had some Roman "germs" lurking about me. One of these was the "germ" of penance, and as I took my armful of window cards and started out to cover the large city, I felt that I was on my way to perform the greatest penance ever imposed upon me. Of course I would never think of saying "No" to my superior. So I entered my first store and accosted the merchant, asking the favor of placing the card in the window for display.
As I went from door to door I prayed continually for God to give me strength and to take away the dread that accompanied my task. All the time a voice was whispering to me, "This is not a lady's work. Whoever heard of a lady placing window cards? Is this not the work of a man, and is it not humiliating for you to be seen going from door to door with these large cards under your arm?" I imagined that everyone on the street was observing what I was doing, and really I wished that some hole would open up so I could drop out of sight. Language cannot express the relief I experienced when the last one was placed. I felt my tension relaxing, my heart beating more slowly. Suddenly I saw the evangelist approaching with a bundle under his arm. After commending me for my work, he drew from this bundle twenty-one more cards (which number I have never forgotten); so I discovered that my "penance" was not yet ended.
I had to gather up my courage afresh and enter the battle again until my painful task was completed.
Now, as I look back, I ask the question, "What did I have to fear?" I could go out today and place window cards and would not count it as "penance," but would esteem it a privilege to do anything for the sake of the Lord Jesus.
My next experience was calling on those who had attended the meetings and signed cards for literature. This, too, was very, very difficult for me. Fear dogged my footsteps every day that I went out, and particularly as I would approach the door and ring the bell. Perhaps
I would walk a mile or more to a home, and on arriving would wish in my heart that no one would be at home. I reasoned with myself as to why I should feel that way. From whence came that fear? Certainly not from God. It came from the enemy. It was destructive fear.
On entering the home, if I found an elderly person, I would have an inferiority complex, as I would think of my inexperience in the work and my unfamiliarity with the Bible. It was often the case that the person would tell me that she had taught in some Sunday school for years. Immediately the enemy would say to me, "What are you here for? Trying to teach someone who has been a teacher of the Bible for many years, when you have just entered the work, and have had access to the Bible for only one year!" Yet I knew the message that I represented was vastly different from any they had been accustomed to or had any knowledge of, and that it was a life-anddeath question with them as to their acceptance or rejection of what I had to give them.
One experience that God permitted me to have gave me great encouragement and has enabled me to overcome the fear complex that marked my early days. A lady with whom I studied confessed that, while she had taught in her church for fifty years and was recognized as an accomplished teacher, she would not dare to teach in my presence. This gave me courage just when I needed it. (Perhaps I should say that I never express my feelings to my readers, nor give them an idea of the difficulties under which I am laboring.)
I am thankful for the forbearance of God with me during those early stages of my experience in the work, and also for enabling me through His power to conquer the monster, Fear, and its disastrous results. And my constant prayer still is that when fears arise from other sources and assail my pathway, there shall be no yielding on my part, but that the faith that rests in the divine love and care, and is placed there by Jesus Christ, may be made evident.
"When Jesus was awakened to meet the storm, He was in perfect peace. There was no trace of fear in word or look, for no fear was in His heart. But He rested not in the possession of almighty power. . . . He trusted in the Father's might. It was in faith-faith in God's love and care-that Jesus rested, and the power of that word which stilled the storm was the power of God.
"As Jesus rested by faith in the Father's care, so we are to rest in the care of our Saviour. If the disciples had trusted in Him, they would have been kept in peace. Their fear in the time of danger revealed their unbelief. In their efforts to save themselves, they forgot Jesus; and it was only when, in despair of self-dependence, they turned to Him, that He could give them help."-"The Desire of Ages," pp. 335, 336.
Brooklyn, N. Y.
