Shepherdesses of the Mid-Century

DEAR SHEPHERDESS:

What a great privilege it is to be a good shep­herdess. There is no greater work than that of leading others along the Christian way, and the reward for faithful service is wonderful satisfaction in this life, and eternal joy in the life hereafter.

But along with the privilege of service comes necessarily multiplied responsibilities, for the wife can either make or mar her husband's success as a shepherd. The position of a shepherdess is in some ways a very lonely one, for she must never become intimate friends with anyone. She must be able to treat everyone just the same. Then she must never discuss personalities with anyone, unless to say something good about the person in question. She is not a talebearer; she is always kind, courteous, and forgiving no matter what the provocation. Above all she does not burden her husband with all her petty grievances. She takes them to God and He will give comfort and wisdom.

The home of the shepherdess is to be a model of refinement, neatness, and good management. It need not have expensive furnishings. Never should she feel that she must keep up with the Joneses in the number or quality of things she possesses. But one can have simple, useful, attractive furnish­ings arranged tastefully and be as happy as a queen.

Help your shepherd husbands to be glad in the advancement of others—not to be jealous, and never to disparage the work of his fellow workers. Help him to be courteous and kind. Many ministers are selfishly discourteous—conspicuously so. See that he meets his appointments on time. Always be on time yourself, of course. One of the greatest factors in helpfulness is promptness.

One thing that will surely ruin your husband's work is lack of self-control manifested in loss of temper, gossiping, and faultfinding. Be master of your own spirits. Be careful not to become officious, and interfere in your husband's work. The wife should always stay in the background unless she is consulted and her opinion called for. There is nothing a man hates more than to be consciously ruled by his wife. There are tactful ways of giving counsel without the husband knowing he is being counseled. Some good wives seem to feel that they know better than their husbands how things should be done, even to the point of correcting them in public. There is no better way to make themselves abhorred and to ruin their husbands' work than to be officious and bossy. Of course, all are anxious to see their husbands advance. But, take it from one who knows, we can best help them by being loving, patient, understanding, attending to our own busi­ness, and expressing opinions only when asked or in a very tactful way behind the scenes.

Never tell family affairs to anyone. "Around every family there is a sacred circle that should be kept unbroken. Within this circle no other person has a right to come. Let not the husband or the wife permit another to share the confidences that be­long solely to themselves."—The Ministry of Heal­ing, p. 361.

There is so much I should like to discuss with you but time and space do not permit. But I think I shall briefly mention a few things that are very important:

1. The minister's wife must be a lover of God.
2. She must have good mentality. This means that she must have good common sense, and enough education to know how to be charming and gra­cious.
3. She must have good health and know how to keep her body fit.
4. She must be a good housekeeper. Many a min­ister has had to move from place to place because of the slovenly house his wife has kept. This not only sets a bad example, but is most destructive to her husband's morale. This does not mean that she has to be a fussy housekeeper. Home should be a place where husband and children can relax and feel comfortable and at ease.
5. She must know how to prepare and serve at­tractive, well-balanced meals.
6. She must not be hard-headed and stubborn, but willing to look at both sides of a question, cul­tivating the ability to put herself in another per­son's place and recognizing the other person's view­point. If the question under consideration is not a matter of principle she should not insist on having her own way-, nor argue the point or express her opinions too forcibly. Others have opinions and they may be as good as hers. People are not par­ticularly interested in opinions if they are expressed in a dogmatic way.
7. She should have good taste. Good taste is the basis of all culture.
8. She must not be jealous. If she trusted her husband enough to marry him she should trust him anywhere, any time. However, a prudent min­ister will take his wife with him when he has calls to make upon women.
9. She must not be easily shocked.
10. She must not take herself too seriously. A good sense of humor is a wonderful thing to have. It smooths the bumps out of so many unpleasant situations.
11. Above all, she must be adaptable. This is the most necessary qualification of a good shep­herdess. Do not be narrow-minded and inflexible. None of us knows it all. We can always be learning new and better ways of doing things.
12. In regard to being a good mother I should suggest you read the chapter "The Minister in His Horne," Gospel Workers, pages 204-206. It is incum­bent upon us as ministers' wives to rear our chil­dren as suggested there. They must be obedient, reverent, and an example to all others. Also read The Ministry of Healing on the home.

A good shepherdess has a wonderful amount of love for people. This leads her to be unselfish, winsome, tactful, and adept in courtesy.

The minimum service of a shepherdess may be briefly summed up thus: she is a good wife, good cook, an economical, neat housekeeper, a loving but firm mother, a good hostess. She is friendly, loving, and helpful to all who are in need. She is faithful and prompt in attendance at meetings, and does all she can to help in carrying on her husband's work. She does her best to help promote all church or­ganizations in the way of advisor. It is best for her not to take charge of everything, but she can help train others to take these responsibilities.

Is this setting the goal too high? I think not. The higher the goal the richer the reward when it is attained.

I hope that these suggestions may be of some help to you in your sacred duties. It has been an inspiration to me to know that our ministers' wives are loyally working by the side of their husbands to finish the work speedily. May the Lord bless you and help you to lean heavily upon Him for all the strength you need.

(Signed) May E. Figuhr

Not long ago we published Mrs. T. G. Bunch's review of the book All the Women of the Bible, by Edith Deen. This active shepherd­ess told of the value of this 400-page volume published by Harper and Brothers of New York. It presents the women of the Bible in most interesting settings. It is a fascinating trea­tise on a little-talked-of-subject. This being "a man's world" (at least until recent times) the history books of the nations talk mainly about great men; but here is a unique treatise on women—a significant indication of the high place of women in present-day leadership.

Brought up as I was in a minister's home, I early felt the strong influence of a kind, pa­tient, and loyal mother in Israel. My childish impressions of a "board meeting" are amusing as I look back across the years. It seemed to me that my father was always serving on one board or another, for he was a leader in the cause. All I could think of, however, was hard planks on which unfortunate members were confined for long hours. Our father seemed to be so seldom at home, for the work of the Lord called him to carry many responsibilities. But as children we were never permitted to harbor the thought that we had prior claim on him. He was a shep­herd of the whole flock. Not only was he the pastor of the church we attended, but he was also editor of The Signs of the Times, sanitar­ium manager, publishing house manager, Bible teacher, and preacher all rolled into one. His calls were many. And in that flock were all the diversified influences to be found in human relationships. It was not until I grew to man­hood and found myself responsible for the care of one of God's other flocks that I really under­stood the burdens of a shepherd and the true value of a wise and sympathetic shepherdess, of whom my mother was one of the chief.

Not often is the material in this section of our journal supplied by other than a shepherd­ess, for our objective all along has been to have this as an area where women in the Advent cause can freely exchange their views with each other. I trust you will pardon this rather bold intrusion. But now that I am here I want to say again how much we appreciate the noble work that you are all doing. It has been said that "the highway to success is cluttered with women pushing their husbands." While that is not exactly true, yet few shepherds become suc­cessful without the association and cooperative counsel of a kind and faithful shepherdess.

John Wesley was perhaps the outstanding ex­ception; but any woman might deserve sym­pathy who was called to share the life of a man who habitually arose at 4 A.M., was preaching his first sermon before 6 A.M., averaged four to five sermons every day, wrote more than 200 books, and in the preaching of more than 40,000 sermons, rode his horse 250,000 miles while building the Methodist Church! His did not seem to be a happy home. His brother Charles, however, was a contrast. He knew the joys of home and family life. And of all the shepherd­esses of history none made a richer contribution to the church of God than the godly mother of these stalwart pioneers, Suzanna Wesley. She too was a minister's wife, a devout Bible student, and the mother of nineteen children of whom John was the fifteenth and Charles the eighteenth. And yet while rearing her family to become leaders in the cause of God she still found time to serve the community in which she lived. Of course, there were no telephones or modern gadgets in those days!

Those were hard and cruel times. Comforts were almost unknown—a contrast indeed with the age in which we live. Today family life is well-nigh destroyed by the conditions under which so many exist. Our comforts, our labor­saving devices—things which our forefathers never dreamed of—while good in themselves, are also perils. All too many families today, and many even in the Christian church, and in the ministry (if we may dare say so), find themselves under the pressure of things. Many homes are little more than filling stations where the members rush in to get a wash and a "fill up" and out again.