The Versatile Minister's Wife

Chairman's Introductory Remarks

Because our denominational beliefs on such subjects as the Sabbath, the nature of man, the sanctuary, and health reform are not generally accepted by other Christians, Adventists seem to stand by themselves. Influenced by this aware­ness, as workers we often fail to cultivate the friendship of ministerial families of other Prot­estant groups in our areas. Some workers at best are not good mixers. Others are not confident of being able to present our beliefs in an attractive way, and may keep putting it off until a sudden transfer to another field relieves them of the responsibility. But does God excuse them? That may be another story.

To bring about a consciousness that becoming acquainted with ministers of other religious groups is a privilege, we present this need to you as shepherdesses. The times in which we are living are different from the early decades of the nineteenth century when our forebears heralded the message of Christ's imminent return. We can thank God that this hope is more general to­day. And our sensible reformatory principles, such as health and dress reform, are not as un­popular now as they once were. Some other churches also are giving emphasis to the prac­tice of tithing and are pointing to the Advent­ists and their accomplishments.

Furthermore, the idea of all Protestant groups working together to evangelize the world makes isolationism unpopular in any community. We cannot live to ourselves; today God expects ev­ery Seventh-day Adventist worker to be able to lead out in a friendly acquaintance with Chris­tians of other groups. And the minister's wife is the right person to visit other ministerial wives of her community.

The following material on "Ministerial Friendships" will suggest many points of con­versation as well as cooperation. A good readerbshould be chosen so that this reading will open up a lively discussion by the group. This pro­gram should be one of the most important of the year. Please observe the practical ways in which these contacts can influence our work.

Ministerial Friendships A Reading

The day came when in my responsibility for guiding the work of our shepherdesses I felt the need of a broader contact. There is a possibility that our inbred denominational trends may need a fresh infusion. Our horizons need to be broadened, and as Jesus taught, new wine needs new bottles. Adventism is such a happy fellow­ship that we are likely to overlook the fact that we do "draw into our shells." Others have done wisely to bring this weakness to our attention.

While these thoughts were fresh in my mind, an opportunity presented itself for me to visit a ministerial family in another State. Having lived close to the Scullys in New England years ago, I decided to renew my friendship with them. They welcomed my letter suggesting the possi­bility of a visit in the near future.

Then I fell to reminiscing. How had our friendship begun? In spite of the conservative ways of the original New England stock, at the beginning of our acquaintance the Scullys and I had visited over the garden fence; but we had not rushed the friendship. As we had discovered that we shared the same Christian ideals, little by little the ice had begun to break. Mere neigh­borliness had grown into friendliness. With some reserve both sides had avoided conversa­tion that would involve doctrinal differences. However, we had thoroughly enjoyed witness­ing for true Christian principles.

After some time the Scullys had been called to another pastorate, and a little later my work had also drawn me to another community. We had resorted to an occasional correspondence, which blossomed into a deeper friendship with the years. Our letters breathed our Christian hope that brightened as time went on. Pastor Scully believes in the soon return of Christ; I have heard him preach inspiring messages on this theme. As a family they live a very exem­plary Christian life. Their four children re­flect a careful home training. One son has be­come a doctor and another a minister. The two daughters have established real Christian homes. They are all representatives of the faith they profess. To me the Scullys are a wholesome fam­ily.

First Essential of a Minister's Wife

When after a number of years I was again able to visit the Scully parsonage I felt perfectly at ease. Mrs. Scully had prepared a tasty but simple meal in my honor. After supper Pastor Scully left for a committee meeting and prom­ised to return as early as possible. Mrs. Scully and I chatted about the family while washing the dishes, and I was then shown around the parsonage. We two women drew up our chairs to the fireplace and talked about the many in­teresting things that enter into a ministerial partnership. The time passed all too rapidly, but I used the occasion to ask my seasoned friend a number of important questions regard­ing the work of the lady of the manse.

"What do you consider to be the first essential for a minister's wife?" I inquired. I did not want to appear to be interrogating her too closely, and our chatting soon became objective. To my question she thoughtfully replied: "It is her own daily meditation and prayer time. This is a must, and the time will lengthen as she grows in her own Christian experience. She must con­stantly be practicing the presence of God. She is too busy working for the Lord to be envying those in the church who have more of this world's goods. She can never fit into a group of gossipers. But the churches we have served have presented few difficulties in this respect," she added defensively.

Mrs. Scully is a sweet-spoken woman, modest of her virtues, and a radiant Christian. She con­tinued: "A minister's wife should love the Bible and spend much time with it, reading it to her children." She went on to explain that this leads the children to regard it as the most important book. It belongs to the daily living of a ministe­rial family.

While prayer is sweetly natural to the Scullys, this experienced wife emphasized the need for a ministerial partner to have a "burning desire" to start prayer bands. She never misses meeting with them if she is at all able to attend. "These are my powerful helpers, you know," she commented with feeling. "I can count on them even when the impossible is necessary."

Fund-raising Activities

I meditated on the points Mrs. Scully had recognized as so essential to this ministerial part­nership. After agreeing with her conclusions I ventured my next question. My preamble sug­gested that all church expansion plans require money, and I wanted to know of her experi­ence in this type of leadership. "How much time do you allow in your busy program for fund raising?" I asked. She did not deny a deep in­terest in this important phase of church work, but let me know that the sick, the lonely, and the shut-ins needed her more than all the pink teas, the rummage sales, and what-have-you!

To my surprise she did not claim a right to every type of leadership in the church, and in response to a few inquiries suggested that some things were a matter of conscience with her. She continued: "It is far easier for us women to serve God in spectacular pieces of leadership than to follow the counsel of James: 'Pure re­ligion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world' (James 1:27). This is my hus­band's true work," she emphasized, "and I must give him the best of my time."

As we tapered off our discussion of the mate­rial side of church work, she reminded me that an enthusiastic tithing of her own (not her hus­band's) made her the most joyful giver in the congregation. "Haven't I had the added benefit of learning much from my husband?" she ob­served. "Our whole family enjoys serving and giving. Here we must always show true leader­ship." And her remarks revealed her God-di­rected personality.

Stretching the Budget

"Do you always have enough money to make ends meet?" I asked.

"God has never failed us," she triumphantly exclaimed. (I had learned that the family's min­isterial wages were hardly in the upper bracket.) We discussed a chapter of contentment and sac­rifice while Mrs. Scully listed some experiences during the first ten years of their ministry.

"But, Grace," I said with mounting confi­dence, "didn't you ever feel even a slight resent­ment when Dottie or Timmy had to forgo a much-desired dress or game that other families in the church could afford?"

With a quizzical look she replied, "My dear, why should I? Bob and I talked that all through before the children came, and when they were old enough to understand why we could not have everything we might desire, we would end our little family counsels singing 'Count your many blessings.'" With true womanly discretion she added, "But what fun Bob and I had schem­ing a way to substitute a blessing, perhaps even more character building than Dottie's frivolous party dress or Timmy's neck-breaking scooter!"

To this I replied with a chuckle, "Well, Grace, you are a sanctified schemer! I know little about the urgent need of Timmy's scooter, but I will admit that you and Bob have cer­tainly raised a representative family."

Church Educational Plans

The interest of the minister's wife in her church's educational devices came in for dis­cussion. My friend believes that she has a defi­nite responsibility in the selection of educational films and TV programs in her church group. While modestly revealing that her judg­ment was usually sought in these matters, she mentioned her definite convictions as to how far a church group should "take over." She always responds when invited to help select books for the youth library, and she has no time for literature that does not reflect Christian at­titudes. As I listened carefully I was led to re­mark, "Your church and mine quite agree on these points," to which she responded enthusi­astically, "And aren't we happy that we may! These things are so important to the spirituality of the church."

I was curious about her ideas as to leading the Campfire Girls, the P.T.A., and other groups of her church or community. "I am a better follower than a leader," she wisely stated.

To my enthusiastic "And you, Grace—a born leader!" she calmly remarked, "My suggestions are from the 'side lines,' for a minister's wife should not do a job that a member of the church can do and needs to do. Some women de­light in keeping the minister's wife so busy out­side of her church that she finds no time to serve with her husband. One can easily be led astray or worn out doing the less important things." What wisdom! I thought to myself.

"And," my friend continued in chatty confi­dence, "she doesn't even need to know all the answers if she is loving, thoughtful, and willing to be taught. I have seen a minister's wife take over. In such a case when she leaves, a group in the church disbands! And this may be a prayer group!"

Special Skills and Talents

"Just where do you personally feel you are making the best contribution to your husband's profession?" was my next query. While humbly admitting that she was not a "whiz" at stenog­raphy or typing, she replied, "Bob and I have always served small churches that could not af­ford a secretary. Hardly a week passes without my typing, cutting stencils, and addressing en­velopes by the hundred." While admitting that she enjoyed this work, she did not suggest that it was necessarily a requirement for the ministe­rial wife. Yes, she was an understanding soul who enjoyed doing whatever she found was im­portant. Reflectively she continued, "Some have musical talents, and such enrich a pastor's min­istry; but you would want to be discreet and to avoid any possible friction." One thing is sure: when this shepherdess decided that something needed her attention it became a joyous service, quietly and well performed.

What a delightful evening Mrs. Scully and spent together! Before I left the homey parson­age, Pastor Scully returned from his committee meeting. His well-chosen remarks on his wife's ability revealed other hidden virtues. Earlier in the afternoon he had met my bus and brought me to their humble home, and on the way we had discussed a number of ministerial plans. That night our conversation turned to our times in the light of Bible prophecy. He was a well-informed man, and, oh, so gracious about the beliefs and the work of Adventists! Before I ar­rived I had learned about the wonderful lead­ership the Scullys were exerting in their com­munity, and I sincerely commended their noble efforts.

This seemed to be an appropriate occasion for the Scullys to meet our new young minister in a neighboring town, and when we had planned how this could be worked into our busy schedule the pleasant visit came to a close as together we knelt in prayer for one another's success. I left my friends feeling grateful that Christians differing on various doctrinal beliefs may still enjoy a blessed fellowship in Christ. Their sweet Christian ways have helped to in­terpret their church to me as nothing else could. The Spirit bore witness to my heart that our visit had been productive of much good. In bid­ding me farewell Grace said, "It is always a true joy to us to learn more about our friends, the Adventists," to which I added a similar compli­ment for her church.

Calling on Ministers' Wives in Your Community

1.   List all the ministerial wives in your com­munity. Acquaint yourselves with their names, addresses, and telephone numbers. Find out the size of their congregations; inquire about their youth meetings, children's activities, welfare and Golden Age groups. Discuss these with influen­tial members in your neighborhood. Become intelligent on what each church is doing, so that when you meet the pastor's wife your con­versation will not be one-sided.

2.   Obtain the booklet Great Churches of America, by Kenneth J. Holland, Southern Publishing Association, and become familiar with the doctrinal 'background of the church whose parsonage you expect to enter. Observe how the author of this excellent little book takes pains to find the good points of each denomination discussed. His methods are sound for the approach you will be making.

3.   On a little filing card list the main features of the various churches whose ministerial wives you will be visiting. An intelligent approach requires preparation, but it will help you to win your way.

4.   Your sweet simplicity will disarm any pos­sible prejudice. Refrain from argument and warm up to the person on whom you are calling, for she is a woman like yourself. Be neighborly and commend every noble effort made by an­other group.

5.   You may think it advisable to invite the Seventh-day Adventist minister's wife of your neighboring district to join you on these visits. You will reciprocate when she carries out a simi­lar program in her district. Dress neatly and professionally. Be courteous and refined. Know when to terminate your visit; leave some litera­ture to inform your new friend about your church. Always build up the kingdom of God, and never carry gossip.

6.   To follow up your visit you may wish to lend a book to the children of the parsonage. It might be wise to train your little girl or boy to be gracious as a copy of The Bedtime Story or some other attractive book is left at the home.

7.   Friendships must be fostered; do not rush them. Establish friendly relations and leave a good impression so that you will receive a wel­come when you call again. There may be a spe­cial church program to which you can invite "Mrs. Minister's Wife." If the Methodist Church is not having a Vacation Bible School next sum­mer, and your church is, you may at least invite the children to participate.

8.   If your husband has not yet called on the ministers of your community, he may wish to have you call with him at times as he presents a copy of the new book Seventh-day Adventists Answer Questions on Doctrine. This urgent missionary work must not be neglected. Now is the psychological time to let all the ministers in your district know the facts concerning Ad­ventist belief.

Closing Suggestion: This program will do much toward broadening the horizons of the minister's wife. She should be a leading spirit in her own church and also a Christian leader in her community. Embrace her needs in the closing prayer of your meeting. We would also suggest that copies of the books referred to in the program be on hand.