This is the third in a series of talks to young ministers' wives by Dorothy Lockwood Aitken.
HURRY, Aunt Anne," Merrilee called from the front door. "We'll be late."
No answer came from Aunt Anne's bedroom, so Merrilee quietly walked down the hall, pushed the half-open door a bit wider, then stopped. Aunt Anne knelt by the cedar chest in front of the window.
"I'm sorry, Aunt Anne, I didn't know," Merrilee apologized as Aunt Anne rose from her knees and put on her hat.
"That's all right, Merrilee. I always have to have a few minutes of solitude before I go out to give a talk like this. There are so many young hearts to impress and so many eager faces turned to me, it quite takes my breath away unless I prepare for it first."
Merrilee's heart almost burst with pride as the president of the ministerial auxiliary introduced Aunt Anne: "We are so happy to have with us one who has been a minister's wife and a missionary for nearly thirty-five years. We know she can tell us many valuable things that will help us when we go out into the Lord's work."
Aunt Anne rose.
"I'm so glad to see such a fine group of women who are aspiring to the greatest vocation any girl can choose. Some of you are secretaries. Some are nurses. Quite a number of you are musicians. All have worked and studied and practiced to get your diplomas. It has not been easy.
"A young girl said to me one day, 'There's one thing about being a minister's wife—you don't have to study or practice or get a diploma —just find a young minister.'
"Well, girls, she was never more wrong. True, because she is married to a minister she is a minister's wife. But if the minister is the shepherd of the flock, don't you think the minister's wife should be the shepherdess?
"Now, it is true the conference does not expect the wife to get a Shepherdess degree or diploma. She does not have to study or practice in order to fill the shoes of a minister's wife. But a girl who is sincerely interested in the Lord's work and in helping her husband as he shepherds the flock will leave no stone unturned to know the things she should know to be of the greatest help to him. And if I may say it, it is to every young man's advantage to choose that sort of girl for his shepherdess.
"A nurse is a distinct asset to a minister. There are so many ways in which she can help those around her. She is a special help if they go to a mission field. She can give health lectures at meetings; she can give treatments to ill persons around her. Being a nurse is one very good qualification. But we aren't all nurses.
"A secretary is a wonderful help. She can type her husband's sermons, write his letters, keep his files. I've often wished I was a secretary. But we aren't all secretaries.
"Music plays a big part in the life of the parish, and if the minister's wife can sing and play and lead the choir, the meetings of the church as well as the public meetings are enhanced. But not all of us are talented in this way.
"I think we do not all need to have all of these things, though they help a lot. The main thing we need is a consecrated life and a burning desire for souls. Even the most talented minister's wife—one who can nurse, type, make music—will not be a true shepherdess unless she is consecrated. Too often the nurse-shepherdess is turned from her main purpose (that of aiding her husband) by offers of high wages in a hospital. 'Tis true, that is also humanitarian work, it is noble work, and often it is necessary in an emergency for her to help financially. But too many take up steady work, neglecting their duties as true shepherdesses because they are lured away by good wages.
"The same is true of secretaries and other professional women. One said to me once, 'I just can't give up my career for his. Why should I? I don't want to spend all my time at home, and we surely need the money!' That's true. Most ministers could do with more money. But a true shepherdess does not simply stay at home. She is busy. Her day is full of activity in the church and community—visiting interested people with her husband, calling on the sick and shut-ins, giving Bible studies and helping the poor. And girls, if you do not want to give up your career for his, you had better not marry a minister. Really you aren't giving up your career anyway, you are just concentrating on his—bringing yours into use when necessary. Decide, my dear young ladies, to consecrate your lives to soul winning. That is the work to which your husbands have been called—the highest calling or profession a man can have.
"All of you are married or engaged to young men who are still studying. Study with your men. Know some of the things being discussed in class. Encourage them to discuss these things with you. Go with them in their field evangelism. Don't always have something detaining you on the nights your husband has to go out to preach or to help in efforts. By being with him you not only give him moral support but you also learn many useful things yourself.
"But, girls, I want to speak to you now for a few moments about something far more important than interest and enthusiasm. You may give all your time and talents to helping your husband. To outsiders you may seem to be the most wonderful shepherdess—it may seem to come natural to you to mix with people and to know how to assist your husband. But that is not enough.
"I said that the Shepherdess must be consecrated. Up to now we have spoken only about being consecrated to your husband's work. But being consecrated to God is more important. Give yourself to God—every day. The first thing on awakening lay your life, your plans, and ambitions in His hands. Take time for solitude. Life is such a hustle and bustle. There is never enough time for everything. There is so much to be done for the Lord we hardly know where to start. If you put off this hour of solitude until you can work it into your schedule, you will never get it in.
"Keep a tryst with the Master every morning. Make it early, before the family awakens and the cares of the day start piling up. You will find it buoys you up over many obstacles and gives you strength and poise. Do you have an unpleasant visit to make? Must you bring hope and comfort to someone when you feel there's none to give? Stop a moment before going out. Spend a few moments in quiet solitude with your Maker. You'll be surprised how light-hearted you will feel as you go about solving that weighty matter."
Alone with God—
Blest the hours I spend
In divinest fellowship
With my Lord, my Friend.
Heaven seems to open wide
By His blessed side,
And my soul is satisfied
When I'm alone with God.
Several days later, as Aunt Anne and Merrilee were finishing the dishes, Merrilee asked, "You look tired, Aunt Anne. What have you been doing all afternoon?"
"Oh, I had a disagreeable afternoon, Merrilee. I had two calls to make, and both were unpleasant. I had just finished one and was on my way to the other when I met you downtown this afternoon."
"You looked rather upset about something."
"Well, I was," Aunt Anne sighed. "Two ladies in the church aren't on speaking terms with each other, and both of them are to blame. They both talk too much. If women could just learn to control their tongues, so many misunderstandings and heartaches could be avoided. That's one thing that is very important for a minister's wife, Merrilee. Never pass on a choice bit of gossip from one to another. If you hear something about someone, whether it is true or untrue keep it to yourself. It is hard to do, but unless you want trouble and more trouble for your husband, it is the only thing to do. It took me a long time to learn that, and I've been in some very embarrassing circumstances, but I think I've about learned that after all these years."
"And I'm supposed to know it already?" Merrilee laughed.
"No, you too will have to learn by experience. Sometimes we do not realize what we are doing until it is too late. Or we put confidence in someone who betrays that confidence. It's best to keep still to begin with." Aunt Anne added more soap to the dishwater.
"One of the finest and most cultured women I know really is wonderful when it comes to that. She listens patiently and sympathetically to everything one says to her, but she never offers her opinions nor passes on some bit of information that would delight the one who is conversing with her, although sometimes I have known that she knew a lot more about what was going on than the person who was supposedly enlightening her. She always tries to bring out some good point in the person who is being criticized. And she invariably ends up with, 'We must pray for her that she will change her ways, and I'm sure she will.' Always the one bearing the gossip, which she supposed would be most welcome, changes the subject, and she seldom tries to pass on her gossip to my friend again. She knows that it will do no good and that it will stop right there. And to gossipers that is no fun.
"As a minister's wife you will hear many things which may shock you and which would make juicy morsels to pass on to others, but you must not. Things you find out through your husband's conversation or correspondence must be kept to yourself no matter how very much you want to tell someone. And don't forget that many times the friends you trust and tell things to may turn against you someday, and they will then tell all. It is just safer to keep things to yourself."
"Yes, I agree it is." Merrilee folded the dish towel and put it away. "Did your two friends make up, Aunt Anne? I mean the ones you talked to today?"
"No, they didn't, Merrilee. That is the sad part. They will not speak to each other, though both come to church and sit on opposite sides of the church from each other. I guess they think that is the way they will do in heaven too. Of course, when I asked one what she would do if the other were in heaven, she informed me that she had no worry about the other one's getting there!"
Merrilee laughed heartily. Aunt Anne smiled as she dried her hands. "They do not realize how ridiculous they both are acting. And I couldn't do a thing with either of them."
"My, you must have had a terrible job! I hope none of our members ever do such things."
"Oh, they will, Merrilee, and you can't take sides. You have to be neutral and sweet to both of them. Of course, it makes each of them jealous when they see you talking or shaking hands with the other, but you have to be nice to each of them and not too friendly with either one."
"But that must be hard, especially if you know one is in the right."
"Yes, it is. Sometimes one is in the right and the other in the wrong, but usually the one in the right is so proud of her righteousness that she will not speak to the other, and she is just as bad as the one in the wrong."
"Oh," sighed Merrilee, "it is really complicated, isn't it?"
"A church quarrel is all right for your husband to worry about because it is his duty, but unless your husband asks you to get mixed up in it, stay out of it. You can do your husband harm by mixing into things that are not your business. Let him run the church. You will have enough to do to take care of your home and do the visiting and missionary work that is your part."
"Don't worry. I don't like fights. I'll stay out of them, I promise."
"And remember not to talk about them to other church members. The shepherdess' golden staff is silence, you know."
"The golden staff of silence. That sounds poetic, Auntie. When I get to talking too much I'll try to remember that."
Marc appeared in the doorway. "It takes you two a long time to do a few dishes. You should have let me help you!"
As the two figures walked across the campus, Aunt Anne stood watching them in the gathering twilight. "Isn't it wonderful to be young and full of ideas and plans for the future? But there are some things I wouldn't want to live over again, and one of them is this afternoon." She turned away from the window and sat down in her big armchair. "Trying to reconcile those two stubborn women was harder than a day's work. And not nearly so profitable." She laid her head back and closed her eyes.
