THESE precious children! What a short time we have them! How soon they leave the nest to venture into life on their own. How carefully we need to guide them, with what love correct them!
Discipline with love! How seldom we do it. There are so many ways to show your children how you really care for them. We always tried when we had to say No to something, to substitute some thing else. Like the time the boys wanted to go bowling. All of their friends were going and they didn't see why they shouldn't. Now, there's nothing wrong with bowling in itself, but the environment was not what we wanted for our family, so we said No.
Of course they were both angry for a while. Then daddy said, "It's getting a bit boring around here. We've got to do something to interest them." So we (hold on to your hat!) bought a boat! That was the beginning of financial disaster for the next five years, but we had fun all summer and the children have never forgotten it. Everywhere we went that summer we hauled that old boat along. I could write a book on the flat tires, broken wheels, and axles we encountered. More time was spent working on the boat's motor than in water-skiing, but they'll never forget it! And now, years later, what difference does a few hundred dollars really make?
Much is written about the generation gap. There needn't be a gap, really, but it's a full-time job to keep it from happening. Many mothers are close to their children while they are small, but when they start to school mother gets a job. Why not? No one at home all day. May as well make the time worth while.
Here is where the trouble starts. Mother is not at home when the child gets there, or if she is, she's too busy catching up on things to listen to his troubles, his joys, his hopes. He's sent to the neighbors to play while mom feverishly catches up on what she should have been doing all day. Come bedtime, mom's had it. Not up to a story or just quiet talk, she murmurs a prayer and tucks him in. Gradually the child gets used to confiding in his friends. Mom is pushed aside as confidante.
During the teen years the gap gets wider. Gradually he grows away from his home. He no longer sits with his parents in church, in fact, sometimes the parents are not sure the child is in church at all. Then after church he goes home with a friend. There the young folks put on jeans and bum around all Sabbath afternoon. Mom is tired. All she asks is peace and quiet for a long nap. What happened to the Sabbath afternoon pastoral visits where the shepherdess went along, and sometimes even the children accompanied them? Father goes alone now. Mother isn't up to it.
The day they discover their boy or girl has gotten into some kind of trouble is a sad one. They cannot understand it. They talk to him. They plead with him not to disgrace them before the church. Then the teenager gets the idea that mom and dad are not so interested in him as they are in their reputation. And so it goes.
Now that it's too late, mother makes an effort. She wants to give a party for his friends. The parents want to take the children on a family outing—camping, maybe. But now the teenager has lost interest. He doesn't want to go with room and dad. He wants to go with his friends. The breakup of the family altar " 'way back there" left a void that has been filled with other things. The widening of the gap between parent and child is too much for him to cross.
A child who is given responsibility is more apt to be easily disciplined. By responsibility I do not mean mowing the lawn, carrying out the garbage, and sweeping out the garage. Of course, children should be expected to do their regular chores. But by responsibility I mean those special things usually reserved for adults— like being host when daddy is away.
Whenever daddy would leave, he would commit mother and sister to the care of the boys. "Take care of mother and Judy while I'm gone," he would say. "You're the men of the house now." Though still quite small, the boys would swell up with pride. They took turns being head of the house. One week Jerry would sit at the head of the table, ask the blessing, or ask someone else to, even when there was company. And each boy always seated Judy and mother at the table—even when daddy was home.
When we went grocery shopping, the head of the house went with me to carry the bags in and out of the car. On Sabbath, whoever was host got to sit next to the aisle in church. They even helped me plan Sabbath menus, and when I was sick or unable to do so, they put Judy to bed, read her story and had prayers with her.
This sharing of family responsibilities made for real family togetherness. And it was a sad day, indeed, when we had to send our young teenagers back to the States for school. Those years were such critical years, and I envied every mother in the United States who had her children near her. With what fear and trembling we committed our boys to a Christian boarding school! How we prayed for them! And every week I saw to it that they each got two letters from home. Those letters, I found out later, were the only thing that kept them both on the beam. They felt nearer to us, they felt wanted, loved, and guided. Even though we were thousands of miles away they felt a sense of security, and each did his best to make us proud of him. There never was a generation gap, and there need not be when there is mutual love, respect, and understanding.
In the late teen years when young people begin thinking deeply about marriage, parents need more than ever to be close to their children. How nice, when after a date your teenage son knows he can come to your room where the light is still burning, sit on your bed, and rave about the beauty, charm, and personality of the current interest! This sacred time gives parents a chance not only to listen but also to drop little hints and bits of advice to the dreamy Prince Charming or starry-eyed Cinderella. No criticism, no shock at what you've been told—just calm understanding and pleasant chiding. And in the end, the really uncertain teenager who tries to make himself think he's smarter than he is, comes around to your side and, though not admitting he's wrong, preaches your philosophy as though it were his own.
Teenagers love the security of rules and regulations, even though they squirm under them. Preaching and criticizing will drive them away; still ministers cannot afford to have things going on at home that are not exemplary to their professions. Have it understood that as long as your son or daughter enjoys the security and love of the home, he or she is expected to abide by the rules. The records bought and played at home must be of high standard. His or her dress must conform to what is decent, modest, and becoming to a Christian. Church attendance is a must and any parties, either at home or elsewhere, must be properly chaperoned. Of course, some rules will distress teenagers. They'll talk about wanting to be free. However, most of them, if you've kept the communications lines open to them, will come around. Surely they'll lose some of their friends, but those friends are not to be cried over. The true ones will be glad, and many will wish they had parents who cared.
Love. What a power it is! How it binds families together! And if one of the flock should err and stray from the fold, love will bring it back. For how can a child forget the little acts of love that made home a heaven? Surely he cannot depart for long from a home that means security, peace, and joy.
To lift someone, we have to bend. Maybe some parents have been too hard, too strict, have disciplined without love. Be willing to bend. Ask for forgiveness. Yield your stubborn ways a bit. Let the wandering one know you love and care— that you always did, but were too proud to show it. Say, "I love you," "I'm sorry," "Forgive me." It's worth the effort, isn't it, to have your child again—to know he'll be with you for eternity?
For what shall it profit you if you have hundreds, yea, thousands of souls to your credit in the kingdom if your own children are missing?
