Church discipline is an unpopular subject. In the Western world, where people are on a binge to be liked, the matter is avoided like the measles. The counseling world, with a dysfunctional compassion that often strokes good and evil at the same time, finds the issue a good one to beat up on.
People want a religion shaped in their own moral molds. They make it smell good, taste good, and feel good. Their slogan seems to be: '"Glory hallelujah,' we accept everybody! Park 'em, seat 'em, massage their emotions, and you'll pack 'em and fleece 'em." Church discipline might get in the way of all this. It could threaten one's compassionate reputation, shrink the crowds, and be a tithe crasher. So the thinking goes.
Church leadership obsessed with ego and crowds, money and power, would probably prefer to skip over church discipline. But for leaders who love their Lord and their congregations, loving discipline is a corner stone of spiritual prosperity. Like Moses' rod it will, rightly used, shepherd the saints, rescue the straying, and build a fortress of goodness in an evil world.
There is no question that the enemy of souls hates the proper use of discipline. He tries to push the church in either of two opposite extremes: judgmental discipline or "ostrich" discipline. God has a better way: redemptive discipline.
Judgmental discipline
When the saints punish fellow members for their sins, judgmental discipline is happening. Now, nothing is wrong with justice itself. God Himself is just, and who would want to live in a town without judges? Preserving life and civilization from those who would destroy it is in fact one expression of love. God, however, in mercy seeks to save the of fender from judgment while maintaining His government of justice. Toward that end He sacrificed Him self in Christ, who sets us free from the condemnation we all richly deserve.
Sadly, many members lack the mercy of God in dealing with those who fall into sin. Some of the stories that rise out of their judgmental discipline go like this: Brother B was seen smoking. He was called in before the church and examined. Determining that it was true, the church promptly disfellowshipped him. While this might be an extreme or overstated case, it illustrates the attitude.
Ostrich discipline
Reacting against judgmental discipline, many churches have developed ostrich discipline. Masquerading under compassion, it's actually a selfish, uncaring spirit that regards a church member's spiritual condition as that person's own business. Actually, it is our responsibility. We must not neglect this obligation to members of our church family.
Some churches have deceived themselves into believing that God doesn't care if two people live together without benefit of marriage. Why? Because "they'll probably get married anyway and make it all right." The sin and destruction of fornication is "not so bad," their reasoning goes. "Besides, who wants to be judgmental? If we confront them about their behavior, they might leave the church and thus forever prevent us from helping them."
This head-in-the-sand attitude results in many members acting no differently than their worldly counter parts. Like arctic cold, apathy numbs the congregation. Right and wrong seem to blend. The church becomes better known for its dinners, fellow ship, and fruit sales than for righteousness, nobility, and holiness. Doctrine becomes something merely to muse about. Pastors in the pulpit pluck the strings of emotion without touching the hard-hearted behavior of sinners. The church loses its mission and its message. Such are the results of ostrich discipline.
Redemptive discipline
God's alternative is redemptive discipline. As introduced in Matthew 18 and expounded later in this article, redemptive discipline enables the church to prevent the loss of members, restore those who are wounded, and when necessary, bury the spiritually dead.
The initial focus of redemptive discipline is preventing loss. This much-neglected Christian responsibility requires members to cultivate meekness and humility in relating with one another. There will be no sizing up of each other, only willingness to bear a fellow Christian's burden (see Gal. 6:2). Regardless of money, power, or social standing, everyone will be esteemed equally as a fellow member in Christ's body. This spreads around the congregation the magnetic influence of heavenly love.
Effective member retention requires making the church a nursery for baby believers. Tenderly caring for them is not just the pastor's business---it's everybody's business. But you know how it is in a normal family when a baby comes along. Older brothers and sisters frequently feel envious about the attention the new arrival is receiving. It's often the same in the flock of the Good Shepherd. Unless trained and full of love, the established rams and ewes often will resent the presence of new lambs. This attitude is a stumbling block to baby believers. One measure of how strongly Jesus feels about mistreating the little ones of His flock is His warning that it would be better to have been wrapped in chains and drowned than to face His Father's displeasure in the day of judgment (see Matt. 18:6-10).
Unless the whole church is continually educated and involved in nurturing the needs of new believers, redemptive discipline is difficult to minister.
Restoring wayward sheep
Christ's parable of the one lost sheep in Matthew 18 makes it clear that His method of discipline is redemptive. The sheep is a member who has lost his or her way and is no longer sheltered in the safety of the church family. Jesus summarized the parable by saying that His Father is not willing to lose one (see Matt. 18:12-14). Against this backdrop He gave practical instruction about steps to take in restoring a lost sheep.
Sometimes the procedures Jesus gave are viewed as an attorney's ad vice: "Check them off so you can be legal." While due process is important, Jesus wasn't thinking in terms of "cleaning" the books. He does want clean books but not empty pages.
Private visit
In Christ's method of redemptive discipline, the first thing to do is: "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault" (Matt. 18:15).* Often in my ministry someone would report how a fellow member had strayed, then ask: "Pastor, what are you going to do about it?"
I've learned to listen and answer kindly: "The real question is What are you going to do about it?" Early Adventists called this private visitation concerning misbehavior "being faithful lo a sister or brother." Many neglect this duty be cause they don't know how to approach a straying member. In such cases, you as the pastor may need to coach them on how to express their concern in a redemptive way.
Going privately to an erring one often requires multiple visits. This fosters repentance while reducing the necessity of exposing the sin to the whole congregation. As the Bible says, love covers a multitude of sins (see James 5:19, 20).
As a pastor, I once had a deaconess whose husband became sexually involved with someone at work. When I went to him privately, he confessed in tears. His wife and children almost left him but opted to forgive and keep the family together. Since the man's sin wasn't known publicly and true repentance was evident, we quietly rejoiced in his restoration and left the matter private. The object of redemptive discipline was accomplished---the lost sheep was restored.1
One benefit of a private visit is that a member can better discern whether his or her suspicion indeed is correct. Some years ago a sister was sure she had seen a pastor smoking. Instead of going to him privately, she contacted the conference brethren, who called a committee to confront him. Out of his pocket the pastor pulled a Vicks inhaler. Putting it in his mouth, he asked the sister if this was what she had seen. Now embarrassed, she admitted that it was.
The next step
If the private approach doesn't work, the next step is to take someone with you on the next visit (see Matt. 18:16). Often this is where the elders and pastor should get involved. What Jesus is doing is stepping up the power of personal influence---a power that is often underrated. God turns up the power of love in hopes that the influence of two or three who care about the offender can draw him or her away from the power of sin.
When I was a pastor our elders met monthly to not only discuss the earthly business of the church, but also its spiritual well-being. We watched over our members like shepherds. If it came to our attention that one was straying, we spent time in earnest intercession and then planned a rescue. With the permission of the church business meeting, the board of elders at their discretion were allowed to place erring members on a "period of grace." This would give us time to work with them quietly before taking the issue to the entire church.
Empowered with this strategy of love, we saw God redeem some pitiful cases. We didn't win all of them, but we were trying. As people were restored and sometimes rebaptized, it was harder to lose them again. Often the back door swings because the pas tor and elders have not closed it through earnest intercessory prayer and hard work.
Redemptive discipline does involve work for the elders. One person who had written bad checks was given an interval of grace. Every month for a year one of the elders or the pastor visited with the member, offering spiritual counsel, prayer, supervision of repayment, and affirmation of progress. People under restoration need lots of tender loving care.
Unfortunately, we often load our elders with nonbiblical functions, and their most important spiritual work doesn't get done. Committees can hum, activities soar, and the church can appear successful. Yet often in the midst of this noise, the sheep are straying and no one has time even to notice. We freed our elders from as much table serving as possible. What a difference it began to make in our congregation.
The final step
The final effort in redemptive discipline is to "tell it to the church." If all other influences have failed, then Jesus opens up the floodgates of love. Unfortunately, when a problem gets to this place it is often presented and voted on at the same business meeting. Such methodology is not the plan of Jesus. After saying, "Tell it to the church," He instructs: "If he refuses to listen even to the church..." (verse 17). In other words, the reason for telling it to the entire church is so everyone can reach out to the erring one, assuring him or her of their love and imploring his or her repentance. Done correctly with intercessory prayer, this can have an unusual power to save and restore.
I don' t think Jesus intended that only one representative voice of the church is to speak to the "lost" one. The entire church, or at least a large portion, must become involved.
The ministry of disfellowshipping
Only after erring members refuse the call of the entire church are they to be removed from fellowship (verse 17). This does not mean shunning, as some denominations do, but it does mean a change in relationship. The disfellowshipped one is to be regarded as a "sinner" to be won back. Winning back does not mean giving him or her the same intimate privileges as before, such as assisting in the Communion service. Paul told the Corinthians to turn such a one out so the devil would make life so miserable that the person would want to come back into the church fellowship. Shouldn't we strive to build such a communion of fellowship in Christ that one who has left us would eventually get so homesick he or she couldn't stand the world any longer? Of course, this does happen many times.
When a member reaches the place that he or she refuses to listen to the appeals of the church for repentance, the church must exercise its responsibility of disfellowshipping. Unwillingness to bury the spiritually dead threatens the health of the entire church. It sends a message to our selves and the world that we don't really believe what we say. It tells the erring that we really don't care about them. Disunity, fragmentation, apathy, and wickedness in the pew are the sure results.
In disfellowshipping unrepentant members, we must also consider that they are not the only ones who need healing. The whole body hurts when one member suffers. Beyond that, the nonchurch community often is hurt when declared Christians behave in such as way as to deny their Lord. Often the progress of the gospel is hindered when the church refuses to bandage its own wounds.
Censure and probation
There may be times when individuals are repentant but their behavior has caused such deep wounds, or confusion, that the church still must express its sorrow through discipline. This is done only to give opportunity for healing in the body and the com munity. If truly repentant, erring members will do everything possible to cooperate, not projecting blame on others for their misbehavior. In such cases my preference is not to use disfellowshipping but censure, probation, or a period of grace.
One time, in the process of restoring a couple who had tested the limits of sin but became very repentant, an elder asked, "But what if they do it again?" Going back to Matthew 18, we found that Peter had the same concerns after hearing Christ's three-step process. Jesus gave only one choice. As long as they re pent we are to forgive.
Many today would agree with Peter rather than Jesus. To them, seven times ought to be the limit; otherwise church discipline is a mockery. But Jesus, understanding the weakness of humanity, said there must be no limit to our forgiveness and willingness to take back the repentant (see verses 21, 22). In light of this, our elders determined that if sin broke out again with this couple we would be prepared to work again for their repentance and restoration.
Repentance and restoration
Repentance must not be taken lightly. Many unfortunate stories exist of couples who got unscriptural divorces and remarriages and then played games with repentance. Often they asked for their names to be dropped and then showed up at a neighboring church for rebaptism. Some pastors will do little or no checking with the previous pastor before rebaptizing such people. Great dis honor, confusion, and weakness have resulted from this regrettable behavior. Since nobody has led them to repentance, they are dead branches grafted to a living tree.
The three pillars that support restoration are repentance, repentance, repentance. Sorrow for sin is not say ing "I'm sorry for getting into a mess" it's saying: "If I had to do it over I wouldn't do it." It is sorrow for the behavior itself, behavior that brought pain to Christ and the church.
People being restored should be taken through the following process:
1. Confess that if they had to do it over they would not do what they did, no matter what the cost;
2. Be willing to apologize to the wronged parties and, as far as possible, make the matter right;
3. Humbly submit their situation to the church family, or its representatives, for review;
4. If the sin became public knowledge, confess sorrow for it publicly. However, use wisdom and common sense.2 Rebaptism may be the only expression needed.
These steps provide healing for the individual, those wronged, and for the church body. The church will also be spared the testimony of one professional I remember vividly. She and her husband were restored with out repentance. Sitting with a group of members after lunch, she bragged that the abandonment of their former spouses and their adulterous relation ship were the best things they ever did. I shudder whenever I recall that incident.
Tough love
Love of others praise must not keep us from being faithful to a brother or sister who needs redemptive discipline. Christ must not be crucified afresh on the altars of our ego. We really are responsible of others. Abel's faithful testimony cost him dearly, and true redemptive discipline will cost us pain as well-especially if the church body has been neglecting it.
Soon after arriving in one church I learned about a man who had divorced, moved to another state, and was presently living with another woman without any interest in marriage. His name was still on the books even though the situation had been going on for a year. When I approached his son (a faithful church attender) for his father's phone number, he was irate that I would even consider contacting his father. The son feared that his father's feelings would be hurt and he would never return. I explained that merely having our names on the church books will not protect us in the day of judgment from premeditated, ongoing disobedience of God's commandments. His father, I explained, was in a lost condition and needed to be redeemed.
Ultimately we lost that battle. Despite our appeals of love, the father refused to repent. Perhaps someday, when circumstances soften his heart, like ancient King Manasseh he will heed the Spirit's call to repentance. At that point our tough love, which refused to enable him in sin, just might provide the memory he needs to gain respect for the salvation Jesus provided on the cross.
May God help us, as pastors and elders, to be faithful to His principles of redemptive discipline. May we be zealous in keeping our members, relentless in winning them back when they stray, prompt in taking appropriate measures when appeals fail, insistent on genuine repentance, and abundant in forgiveness.
Why? Because judgment is coming!
