A package had come, and my boy and I shared the thrill of opening it. Inside we found, among other things, a new baseball mil. Junior was beside himself with delight. He went around plopping his fist into the thing the rest of the day. He could hardly contain himself until dad got home.
But dad came late he had gone to make one more call, and it had taken longer than he expected. Now he had to eat, dash off to a Bible study, and attend a church board meeting afterward.
He inspected Junior's mit with a broad grin but said he couldn't play catch until tomorrow. Junior was dismayed by the long wait, but he had learned not to complain about dad's work, for after all, it was God's work.
My husband hurriedly changed clothes, gathered up the books he wanted, and was off again. But as the door shut, a very young voice was heard to say bitterly, "I'll never be a minister never!"
That little statement has started a long trend of thought. What was the matter with our situation anyway? Were all ministers' homes like ours, or were we mismanaging somewhere? Why should any child resent his dad's vocation when it was as fine as that of being a minister?
Later, quite by accident, I had a chance to discuss the problem with a mutual friend of ours. He was a minister whom my husband and I both respected and whose family we admired very much. I shall not soon forget what he said at the close of our visit. It went something like this:
"We have tensions too. At times they seem beyond control. In my instance it results in crossness and unfairness with my wife and impatience with the children. It isn't right or just, and I'm ashamed of it but how does one conquer it when one can't control the sources that constantly bring pressure to bear?"
So, they had the same problem. So do many others. Now, how to deal with it?
First, it seems, we must accept the fact that the overpowering need in every field of God's work cannot be changed. The pressure will always be there. At times every phase of denominational work will entail long hours, extending often far into the night. What do we do to replace the constant heavy drain resulting from emotional strain and loss of sleep? Then there are the long sessions over unexpected problems, or hurry-up calls that no one could foresee. And these hurried vacation trips, long drives depriving one or both parents of hours of needed rest. All of these factors and many others we accept as part of the job. But we forget that they are adding up, and adding up, and adding up! We make no effort to balance things by entering a little here and there on the other side of the ledger.
The first few years we can take it. But soon after that we begin to tighten up. Father comes home so pressed mentally by a dozen and one problems that every noise bothers him. Mother, trying to keep up with housekeeping, sewing, lunches, Dorcas, Sabbath school and church demands, finds no relief or help when he enters the house. And the children are caught between the two, hush-hushed and pushed out of the way until everyone is nervous and jittery, and the only relief in sight is bedtime!
Doing Something About It
One day my husband and I looked the situation over and decided that it had to stop! The first need, it seemed, was in my field. I simply had to accept the fact that housekeeping and rearing a family, if done rightly, were enough of a job for one woman. My husband should not expect more than that of me, nor should he unwisely encourage me to attempt more. At least while the children were small, I dispensed with holding any church office. What was more, I saw to it that I was free enough at church time to see to my own children, that they sat with me during meetings, and stayed with me during intermissions. In some cases there might be exceptions to this, but one will find it the best rule to follow most of the time. On the other hand, I helped here and there whenever I could. The church people were satisfied, and I possessed a new peace of mind, for I knew that all was well.
To help out this new program, my husband took a few hours off one afternoon each two weeks to spend with his family. Whatever we decided to do during those hours we all did together. The children love it, and so do we! And I do not believe that any tithe-paying church member would begrudge his minister that much association with his own family.
Next, how could my husband help his own situation? At first we couldn't seem to find a way. His work bore down constantly, demanding all his time and all his thought. It never occurred to us, at first, that when you can't change something, you just lay it down and forget it during the time it causes trouble and friction.
We found that the time between supper and bedtime was short, only an hour usually for the small children. And the older ones, able to visit freely with dad for an hour, were glad to settle down to their own projects when the little ones went to bed. Sometimes, with meetings on, the hour came before supper. But dad found that the entire secret lay in his ability simply to put all problems and plans aside for that short period and enjoy the family. By doing this he did them inestimable good, gave me encouragement and support, and turned back to his work later, refreshed and eager.
Somehow it finally occurred to us that it wasn't the children who "drove us wild," but it was rather the tension set up by the cross-purposes of a mind trying to listen and trying to think and plan all at the same time. It cannot be done, so we quit trying, and followed a more sane and sensible method.
Beyond that we quit considering our health as expendable. We picked up extra moments of rest and relaxation whenever we knew we needed it badly. God never meant us to be care less or idle, but He never expects us to deliberately throw away our health either. And it isn't being busy that is always the fault, it is more often being busy at the wrong time or at the wrong task. We must remember that God will ask for an accounting of the expending of our energies. To expend in a needless cause to the loss of some better task would surely not be overlooked by God.
So it seems, after all is said and done, that many a home needs to reorganize a bit. We have a great job to do, but if we go at it poorly and in an illogical and disorganized fashion, we shall reap the bitter results in wasted time, broken health, depleted energies, and saddest of all in the loss of souls, be they ours or our children's or those of the flock committed to our care.
