AND the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him" (Gen. 2:18).
"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised." "The heart of ... [a virtuous woman's] husband doth safely trust in her. . . . She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life" (Prov. 31: 30, 11, 12).
God's ideal standard for a wife is clearly stated. It is not easy for an imperfect human being to reach. However, as always, His biddings are enablings. God has equipped woman for the role He created her to play. By natural temperament and disposition she is inclined to give rather than take. She loves to be needed. She knows how to offer comfort, support, encouragement, healing, and inspiration. A woman who has the privilege of exercising all these qualities within the framework of a Christian marriage finds the greatest possible personal fulfillment.
The moral bankruptcy of our times is most tragically reflected in the disintegration of marriage and home life. More and more church members are becoming affected. Even ministers and their wives are not immune to this creeping contagion. They should be aware that their home, with its tremendous potential as an influence for good, is a prime target for Satan's at tacks. They must be sensitive to their own special problems and face them together, honestly and prayerfully.
The minister's wife is an essential partner in her husband's divine calling. His position is unique. His work as shepherd of the flock comes first. He will need to spend many hours away from home. Personal plans may often have to be cancelled, just as in a physician's family, but with no further financial remuneration.
If the minister's wife can partake of his spirit of dedication she will avoid the pitfall of jealousy and self-pity. She will learn to compensate for his preoccupation by working alongside him whenever possible. Ministers and their wives are fortunate in having the opportunity to work together as a team more than any other couple. For this reason they grow much closer to each other. One caution must be voiced here, however. The wife who is blessed with above-average ability needs an extra amount of tact and common sense in order to avoid giving the impression that she is running things. Her job is to inspire, not to dominate. Her husband should always take the lead, with her as the second member of the team. She must learn to use her talents to complement his contributions, never overshadow them. This is another of woman's many ways of giving rather than taking. This is as much a part of the fine art of loving as the more external expressions of her affection, such as the dependable supply of clean shirts, well-pressed suits, the neat house, the wholesome food, and her watchcare over her husband's health.
Ellen G. White has this counsel for the minister's wife: "She should work earnestly, faith fully, and unitedly with her husband to save souls. She should never urge her wishes and desires, or express a lack of interest in her husband's labor, or dwell upon homesick, discontented feelings."—Testimonies, vol. 1, p. 452. "The minister's wife may be a great help to her husband in seeking to lighten his burden, if she keeps her own soul in the love of God." —Evangelism, p. 677. "An unsanctified wife is the greatest curse that a minister can have."— Testimonies, vol. 1, p. 139.
This is not a one-way street. The minister must remember that his wife is human, too. He receives a great deal of emotional satisfaction from his work, and it is easy for him to become oblivious to his wife's sacrifices and emotional needs. He must be as willing to listen to her problems as he is to those of his church members. A minister who knows how to show his wife appreciation and understanding, and who does not take her for granted, will be amply rewarded.
After a long day of constantly giving of himself to others, the minister will often come home weary, tense, and drained. Then it is that his wife can rise to her most glorious challenge. It is her privilege to make the home a peaceful haven, a charmed circle of welcoming warmth, understanding, and acceptance. She can be a good listener. She can speak faith and courage, and share with her husband blessings from her own devotional life. She can comfort his soul with a generous outpouring of unstinted love. "If the minister's wife did no other thing than to make her husband happy and at rest in a perfect home, then through its effect on him she would have done more for the parish than ten thousand times all other service she could possibly do. To be his perfect lover is her greatest and most sacred duty."—A. W. Hewitt in The Shepherdess, p. 2. ' .
Emotional serenity, joyful loving, relief from tension—these the minister must be able to find in his own home. Here is the magic fountain where he may fortify himself to resume the warfare. Married love is a gift from God, straight from Paradise. It should be guarded jealously, treasured gratefully, and nurtured skillfully by both husband and wife. Here is the inmost unassailable citadel to which no one else has access. Harmony and security here are the best safeguards against temptation. In this area the minister, along with the physician, has more than his share. A minister and his wife who are truly one on all levels of living, will be solely each other's "from the glance of the eye to the touch of the hand." No easy familiarities with others will detract from their Christian dignity. Friendliness to all will be tempered with reserve arid discretion. There will be no lingering handshakes at the church door, no eager listening to intimate confidences from the opposite sex under the guise of giving needed counsel. From so many small beginnings have great tragedies grown, and good men and women have been lost to the cause of God.
A happy, vibrant Christian home is like a walled garden. Uninvited eyes may not disturb the privacy, but the fragrance borne over the wall is witness to the beauty inside. In our society loose standards and distorted portrayals of love tend to confuse young and old alike. Of all people, the minister and his wife, with God's help, ought to be able to communicate this truth: The ideals of Jesus Christ are the only sure guarantee of abundant joy in a happy and successful marriage.
