How to Deal With People

WHO knows how to deal with people? How do you deal with a critic? A hypocrite? Or a disloyal individual? How do you deal with a person who fritters away his time? What about the discouraged soul who thinks he has lost his last friend on earth? How do we relate to the one who feels he is not appreciated? If he were, he'd be promoted, says he.

Christ Our Example

Where shall we turn for help? I think we can be helped if we turn the pages of history back a bit and take a look at the life and methods of the One who by far understands the human family better than anyone else and whose methods still are completely up to date for this space age. Who is He? It has been said of Him:

Nineteen wide centuries have come and gone and today He is still the centerpiece of mankind and the leader of the column o£ progress. I am far within the mark when I say that all the armies that have ever marched, and all the navies that have ever been built, and all the parliaments that have ever sat, and all the kings that have ever reigned, put together, have not affected man upon this earth as powerfully as has that one solitary life.---J. A. FRANCIS.

Why after these centuries is He still the leader? Why has He influenced mankind more than any other? We recognize first of all that He alone came to save mankind from sin. Peter said: "Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved" (Acts 4:12). This puts Him in a different category from any other leader. However, to save man He had to relate to man. To save people He had to deal with people. In all of His contacts He was effective and helpful, more so than any other in history. We do well there fore to look at His manner of life and methods. Many of us have developed the art of always putting our worst foot forward, and we usually build walls of separation between us and others. Christ had the art of calling forth the best in men and women and dispelling the worst by planting His Spirit in their hearts.

Ellen G. White, certainly no novice in dealing with people, says: "We are to represent Christ in our dealings with our fellow men. . . . We are to learn of Christ, to practice His methods, to reveal His spirit." Testimonies to Ministers, p. 225. What better example than Christ could we find? After nineteen centuries have come and gone, who can compare with Him?

Confidence Is Basic

What made Him such a master in contacting people? First of all, there is a basic fact we do well to remember. To help people, to relate to them, one must have their confidence. Unless they believe in us we cannot help them. We may boss them, we may summon them to come, we may order them to go. Giving orders is one thing, dealing effectively with people is another. Christ said, "Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men" (Matt. 4:19). They followed. They were not commanded. They were invited. They followed Him because they believed in Him. Mr. Silverstein, of the Rogers Corporation, says: "These days you can't make anyone do anything. There is less fear of top brass than there was forty to fifty years ago. [Less than ten years ago.] So a company president must be able to lead men." People follow when they have confidence in the trustworthiness and reliability of the leader. Confidence is the foundation on which helpful relationships are built. If this confidence is never gained or if we lose it, then the foundation has already started to crumble. Confidence can be lost. An English jurist of a few centuries back, J. F. Fortescue, said, "Loyalty cannot be bought, but confidence can be betrayed and sold."

If individuals take what we say with a "grain of salt" it is ample evidence that the salt in our leadership has lost its savor. Leadership, like salt that has lost its saltiness, is then ready to be cast out. In the words of Christ, it is "thenceforth good for nothing but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men" (chap. 5:13). This is more truth than poetry.

Confidence is a Nicodemus coming to Jesus at night asking for help to solve a heart problem.

Confidence is a very sick woman pleading, "If I may but touch His garment I shall be made whole."

Confidence is a patient in the hospital calling for the chaplain.

Confidence is a maintenance man, a worker in the kitchen or laundry of a hospital, feeling free to come to his superior or the hospital administrator seeking counsel and help.

Confidence is a nurse or a nurse's aide coming to the supervisor and unburdening her heart perhaps making suggestions on how to improve service.

Confidence is a member of the church revealing some of his innermost problems to the minister in the hope of finding a solution.

Confidence is a pastor exposing his inner self to a conference president for the purpose of getting a new lease on life.

Jesus had the confidence of the rich and the poor, the saints and the sinners, the children and adults, the healthy and the sick, the leaders and the followers. It was this confidence that all classes of people had in Him that made His relationship with people so meaningful.

What did Christ do to warrant such confidence? How did He live to gain it? What methods did He use? Why was He so successful? There are several reasons. The first one is mentioned in The Ministry of Healing, page 143: "The world needs today what it needed nineteen hundred years ago a revelation of Christ. . . . Christ's method alone will give true success in reaching people. The Saviour mingled with men as one who desired their good. He showed His sympathy for them, ministered to their needs, and won their loyal confidence.

Then He bade them, 'Follow Me.' " The words "as one who desired their good" have a depth of meaning. The ABC of reaching people is to desire their good.

Christ communicated with all because He hoped, not to "do them in," but to do them good. He mingled with the saints and sinners the legalistic Pharisees, the aristocratic Sadducees, the sophisticated members of the Sanhedrin, the hypocritical scribes, the lowly fishermen, the sick by the roadside, the despised publican, the doubting Thomas, the cowardly Peter, and the traitor Judas. He ignored no one who asked for help. He had no selfish motives. When others know that we have no ulterior motive, when they know we have only their good in mind, they will throw the heart's door open wide and we can enter into fruitful relationships.

Why do we relate with people in the first place? Is it our purpose to help them become better workers for their own sake and for the sake of the cause or for our own selfish sake? Is our goal only that their good will and support might make our position more secure? If our motive is to deal with people to help them in their personal growth so that they in turn can make a greater contribution to the church, then our efforts are properly focused, purposeful and productive.

Some persons are more concerned with promotion than with development. The facts are that not everybody can advance; for some, promotion will never come. This is normal. Employees and managers need to understand that the management-development program is not an escalator; it is an opportunity. The need for people who can demonstrate their potential is great.

There is something, however, that is greater.

That something greater is for people to do outstanding work wherever they are stationed and be satisfied to continue serving without ambitions to climb the so-called ladder of success. Success is not measured by climbing the rungs of the .administrative ladder, but by the faithful performance of our duties wherever we serve.

Second Reason for Success

Christ's dealing with people was a success because His life was one of integrity. Honesty is more than a policy with Christ it is a principle. It is part of His life. He said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life." We are told that "those who choose honesty as their companion will embody it in all their acts. To a large class, these men are not pleasing, but to God they are beautiful." Testimonies, vol. 4, p. 607. J. D. Batten, president of Batten and Associates, in his book Tough-minded Management, says:

The average worker has a much better under standing of integrity when he sees it practiced by his boss and his boss's boss. Integrity does not lend itself to compromise. It is not gray. It is either all black or all white. It must not be worn on one's sleeve but must be a way of life. Integrity is that quality of a man or woman which requires that the only real purpose of any thought, word or deed be to build persons or things in order to accomplish positive and ethical results. Page 176.

Christ always dealt honorably with people. He didn't always tell all the truth, but what He did say was ever, always, the truth. Every deed was an act of integrity. He spoke the truth because He loved the truth. He felt it should not be evaded. It was Phillips Brooks who said, "Christianity knows no truth which is not the child of love and the parent of duty." The Encyclopedia of Religious Quotations, p. 450.

We would do well to pray daily: "Make us men of integrity on whom others can thoroughly depend. Help us stand firm when others fail. Help us to be friends, faithful and true; advisors, honest and fearless." It may well be that more SDA's will be lost, including leaders, not because they didn't understand the 2300-day prophecy, but because they failed to practice honesty.

Perhaps too often we avoid telling the truth because we want people to like us and think well of us. It is quite all right to make people feel good, but this can be done without sacrificing our integrity. The wife of a businessman was asked for some references for a maid who had worked for her. The wife said to her husband, "If I tell the truth I'll have to tell them that she was lazy, unpunctual, and impertinent." Then she turned to her husband and asked, "Can you think of anything favorable? The husband replied, "You might say she has a good appetite and sleeps well." No doubt this was the truth, but part of the truth was used to cover up the truth desired by the one asking for references. This is done even in conferences at times when we want to get a call for a worker whose success has been below par. We tell part of the truth to hide the real truth.

There are leaders who are interested only in having people feel real good. Mistakenly they think that avoiding telling it as it is builds good relationships, wins friends, and influences people. They are mistaken. We read in Proverbs 9:8: "Reprove not a scoffer, or he may hate you: reprove a man of sense, and he will love thee" (Moffatt).* If reproof is given in the right spirit the man of sense will be your friend and have confidence in you.

Persons who avoid telling the truth for fear they will not be appreciated are known as old smoothies. An old smoothie is willing to make people feel good, but only if he can do so without inconvenience or hurt to himself. He always stresses affability. He doesn't have the guts to put himself to some emotional inconvenience for the sake of getting through artificial defense mechanisms and getting real growth started.

The old smoothie would hesitate, for instance, to sit down and talk to one who has become involved in heavy problems of human relations. This might be painful and embarrassing. It is easier to evade the problem and fire the man if he does not get squared away. But the man of integrity will face the situation honestly, and both men will grow. The old smoothie is a nice fellow to talk to at councils. His homework, however, would be more effective and bring greater results if he'd have some steel in his backbone and practice integrity. Luther is credited with the statement "Peace if possible, but truth at any price."

(To be continued)'