Census reports indicate that in America "singles," including those rearing children, now account for one out of every three households. This is bringing about changes that affect every part of the country, and single people are beginning to make their voices heard on both governmental and social levels. Singles today are more career-oriented, more affluent, and more influential than in the past, when so often being single was looked upon as an awkward period during which people were just waiting for marriage to happen.
In the light of all this, the church cannot overlook its responsibility to minister to single adults—both those anticipating marriage and those who have chosen not to marry but to follow careers. Particularly does this responsibility fall upon the local church pastor, who must daily minister to the needs of single persons in his church.
To assist those of you involved in such ministry, and that's really nearly every one of our readers in one way or an other, the editors recently interviewed three people who not only have a burden for adult singles but who are attempting to do something about it. Charles D. Martin is associate youth director of the General Conference; Floyd Miller is fourth-term president of the International PHILOSDA Club, as well as director/manager of Amazing Facts, Inc. We also conducted an interview with the developer/director of Adventist Contact, who prefers to remain anonymous.
Here we seek not so much to present final solutions as to present what is being done and to put forward the challenge of what yet remains to be done in the ministry to Adventist single adults. We are also attempting to acquaint our readers with the services indicated, so that you may be better informed of how these two organizations can help you meet the needs of single persons who come to you for counsel.
Q. Do you gentlemen feel that singles are a neglected group in the Seventh-day Adventist Church? If so, to what extent?
CM: From the viewpoint of the Youth Department endeavoring to minister to the various segments of our church from the junior age on up, we can report an active program for our Pathfinder groups and a rather neglected area among teen-agers that we are hoping to strengthen. But, really, up to this point there has been very little done for the single adult. This is one reason why we have been interested in the goals, the
ideals, and the program of the International PHILOSDA Club, as well as Adventist Contact.
FM: To me, it seems that everything in the church is primarily geared to the family level. Consequently, the majority of single adults feel out of place at most social gatherings conducted in our churches. In our organization, at last count, we have 205 single adults, 189 widowed, and 289 divorced. And we've barely scratched the surface of reaching those who need to be reached, because, admittedly, there are stigmas involved in becoming a member of PHILOSDA.
Q. Floyd, if your membership is around 700, then what is the total number of singles in our church?
FM: It is estimated that there are 160,000 single adult Adventists in North America.
Q. What do you mean by "a stigma" being attached to member ship in your organization?
FM: People belonging to our organization are often afraid of being termed "misfits" or "lonely hearts" or something similar. We don't like to be thought of as a "date match club." Actually, our purpose is to provide spiritual and social fellowship to bring lonely people together.
When our members go back home to their churches after one of our get-togethers, they obviously don't like it when people confront them and say, "Oh, you were out looking for a mate." It is not our major objective to get people married off. But by bringing singles together they have an opportunity of get ting to know each other. As a result, in the last two years, 105 of our members have been married.
Q. Charles, do you have a reaction to that?
CM: One reason why the Youth Department is interested in this program is because of what we have observed in the way of this group's high spiritual goals, focused on fellowship and out reach in evangelism. We feel that an approach of this nature is a positive one and gives a solid foundation to building a program for single adults. Recently a letter came from a girl who attended one of these events for the first time. She said, "Let me tell you how excited I am about PHILOSDA. The day I got home from the camp where the meeting was I was up till midnight writing letters telling of my experience there. One of those was to my older brother who was recently divorced. He's a beautiful per son and I love him dearly. I feel if he could come to one of these outings, he'd be interested. Please remember him in your prayers. My only regret is that I heard of PHILOSDA only six weeks ago. I really feel that if I'd been a member years ago I wouldn't have been out of the church so long. I pray I'll be able to keep someone else from making the same mistake."
Q. Let's pursue this idea of evangelism a little more. According to your published report, you have raised more than $32,000 for public evangelism during the past three years. How is this used?
FM: It is divided in three different ways. Recently we received a request from the Youth Department for a Polish-evangelism project. They needed $2,000 for evangelistic equipment. We made an appeal at one of our summit conferences—our yearly get-together when we elect officers—and raised most of that money in one weekend. One third of what we raise for evangelism goes to The Voice of Prophecy and two thirds to Amazing Facts for maintaining programs on the air in unentered territories.
CM: I would like to add this: I've at tended a number of these gatherings, and one thing that has impressed me is that at several of these PHILOSDA events those attending have gone out personally in door-to-door witnessing.
Q. You mentioned, Charles, that there is some official recognition of the PHILOSDA Club on the part of the Youth Department. Can you tell us specifically what is involved as far as departmental recognition and support is concerned?
CM: Since we've seen this group in operation we have felt that this is one avenue that we could support and identify as far as ministry in our churches for the single adult is concerned. Consequently, the department has voted to act as a sponsor for the PHILOSDA Club.
FM: Ellen G. White tells us in Steps to Christ, pages 101 and 102, that when people take themselves out of social life, away from the sphere of Christian duty and cross bearing, when they cease to work earnestly for the Master who worked earnestly for them, they lose the subject matter of prayer and have no incentive to devotion. She also tells us that we sustain a loss when we neglect the privilege of associating together to strengthen and encourage one another in the service of God. Because we have taken this as our major priority the Youth Department has been happy to give us their blessing.
Q. In your list of objectives you mention providing a spiritual and educational atmosphere for the single adult geared to his or her particular need. What do you specifically mean by this?
FM: Many people who attend our events are not only despondent, but, to be very blunt, are in a sad spiritual state. We find that, because we gear our spiritual activities and sermons and programs to help nurture them along, it helps their particular need.
Q. Let's zero in specifically on the educational atmosphere. What kinds of adult-education programs do you run?
FM: Personality development. Principles of good mental health. For the women, how to become a more beautiful Christian woman. For the men, how to be more courteous and how to communicate to your children. This is particularly an area that a lot of our divorced people or one-parent families want help with. We study Bible topics such as last-day events and how to become more victorious Christians. In a practical way we teach how to lead out in meetings so that people, when they are called upon in their local churches, can contribute to the church program. For those with weight problems, we even conduct a Wa-rite program.
Q. Let's focus now on your particular audience. What should the pas tor know about this organization?
CM: Actually, the key to the success of the PHILOSDA program is the church pastor. I say this because the leaders are extremely desirous of having the right type of people in the club. Every person applying for membership in the PHILOSDA Club must be approved by the local church pastor. In case there is no pastor available, the head elder or the church board is looked to for guidance in these matters. We feel that the local pastor is essential in order to maintain the quality of membership that is so important to our organization. The pastor also serves the extremely important role of informing his members about the club, its purposes and goals, and how singles in the church can join the club.
Q. Charles, we'll direct this to you because you are so thoroughly acquainted with all the departmental and organizational pressures on the minister today. Some of our readers will undoubtedly react by saying, "Well, here's just another job on top of what I'm already doing and an other organization for me to sup port. How can I get involved in this?"
CM: I look back on my own pastoral experience and certainly can relate to that question. Pastors, of course, have to set up their own priorities. But it seems to me in our shepherding program we must not overlook the single adult. Some of these folks have, for the sake of truth itself, become single not by their own choice, but by the choice of someone else who may have left them. By taking time to minister to single church members, the pastor also has a real opportunity of developing individuals who can be an integral part of the church and can be some of his strongest helpers in the church. The pastor in choosing what he is going to do in a very busy program, of course, must make this decision. But it seems to me that if some time can be spent for the single adult, it can be very rewarding for the pastor in terms of response seen and support given him in his own ministry in the church.
Q. Is there anything else about the organization and its details of operation that the pastor should know in order to be better acquainted with it?
FM: We have our code of honor that is available, plus bylaws. We insist that our members abide by the standards of the church, respect personal and property rights, obey and sustain civil law, observe high standards of taste and decency, and even observe standards of dress and grooming. These are available to our ministers by writing to the Amazing Facts office: P.O. Box 3194, Baltimore, Maryland 21228.
What we're able to do in PHILOSDA is to provide an opportunity for singles of the same faith to associate together. This in itself keeps them from drifting from the church. Our theme song is "I'm So Glad I'm Part of the Family of God." After our meetings are over, the members have a sense of belonging to a unique family within God's great church family.
In conclusion, may I share one testimony. One of our women members said, "I met a man in PHILOSDA. Others told me that they hoped to meet a man in PHILOSDA. Well, I did. I met Jesus Christ." I think this sums up what we're trying to do—help single Adventists be come better acquainted with the Lord.
Q. We understand that you are directing an organization called Adventist Contact. Tell us about this organization and what it can do for the single Adventist.
A. Adventist Contact is a computer dating service. By means of a computer-processed questionnaire, CON TACT is able to put SDA singles in touch with other singles who have a highly probable compatibility rating. The questionnaire deals with the major areas where harmony is desirable in a Christian marriage—religion, money, sex, and other vital areas. It also has a spiritual dimension geared especially to the Seventh-day Adventist.
Q. How did you happen to get interested in this type of work?
A. For a long time I've been impressed that there was a tremendous need for such a service. Many of our single members are isolated in small churches, and even in our larger centers they are often hemmed in by circumstances and do not have the opportunity to meet the very ones whose companionship and friendship they might enjoy most. This was my personal experience, and I decided to do something to help Adventists in the same situation.
So I began researching, and before the program matured we had about twenty people involved—specialists in various fields, such as sociology, marriage counseling, testing, and the ministry. The questionnaire went through several stages of revision before it was tried out on a group. It was finally launched in 1974, and revised again in early 1976. We now believe that we have a questionnaire that is doing a thorough job of selecting people, on a spiritual and scientific basis, who have a high compatibility potential in interests and attitudes.
Q. What are some of the reasons that single people become interested in CONTACT?
A. I'd say there are about three reasons. Some, particularly the younger ones, are interested in widening their circle of friends, dating around, and making life more interesting. Others, lonely and isolated, perhaps settling down into jobs, but who do not have the social outreach that they need, find themselves in need of association with other Adventists of their own age group, and this is not possible in many of our small local churches. Still others want to give themselves every possible ad vantage in building a truly Christian life with a suitable partner and decide that Adventist Contact is just the thing to help them find the one right person.
Q. We understand that the real strength of your program is in the area of compatibility. How does this work?
A. Obviously, a computer cannot do everything where human beings are concerned. You can be ever so compatible by means of a questionnaire, but if you meet and are not attracted it is of no avail. So instead of just compatibility we use the expression potential compatibility. You see, the computer is just the first step. When people begin corresponding or meet in person, they them selves decide whether they are actually attracted. If so, then the fact of their being computer-matched on principles and interests and attitudes becomes a strong foundation upon which to build a healthy relationship. But beyond all this, we urge them to rely heavily upon God's guidance, for He alone knows hearts. This fact should not be over looked just because the people have been computer-matched.
Q. How many do you have enrolled and what type of people are they?
A. At this time (March, 1977) we have more than 1,000 actively enrolled, plus a large number who have requested their membership to be suspended be cause they are presently concentrating their interests on one special person.
People from all walks of life are among the members. We have the full spectrum of educational range represented. One out of three has completed four or more years of college, and many have master's or doctor's degrees. Yes, there are even ministers enrolled! An applicant must:
1. Be a member of the Seventh-day Adventist Church.
2. Be 18 years of age or older.
3. Be legally unmarried (widowed, divorced, or never married).
4. Be able to read, write, and speak English fluently.
5. Live in the U.S. or Canada (the service is not able at present to expand beyond these geographical limits).
Q. Do you have any special safe guards?
A. Yes, we require an applicant to give, as reference, the name of a minister who is well acquainted with him or her, from whom we can verify such items as church membership and marital status. It takes the pastor about three minutes to check the appropriate squares on the recommendation blank. Incidentally, our ministers have given excellent cooperation to these requests, and many seem eager to help.
One further safeguard. We are reluctant to take any enrollee with a history of mental illness, even though the condition may be improved. The future is always unpredictable, and we would rather not be involved in something re ally beyond our control.
Q. How much information from the questionnaire is made available to the prospective partner?
A. The prospective date receives a "referral sheet," which has two pictures of the individual, plus address and telephone number, age, height, occupation, et cetera. All other information is up to the people involved to share with each other as they wish. They do know that they have been matched by computer on the basis of their mutual specifications, and that they have a minimum of 60 per cent potential compatibility rating (usually much higher) on interests and attitudes.
Q. How much service does the member get for his $45 fee?
A. The fee entitles the enrollee to eighteen months' service or twenty referrals, whichever comes first. This fee does not even cover our cost, and were it not for sacrifice on the part of those who provide materials and services, the fee would be much higher.
Q. You mentioned that you already have a measure of success. How do you measure your success?
A. Most people think of success in terms of marriages. It takes a while for friendships to mature, and while some of our couples have married successfully within a few months of meeting, others take several months or even years be fore getting married. We cannot be sure just how many married "alumni" we have at a given time because they do not always let us know right away. But, as an example, during the past six weeks we have received word of six marriages and/or engagements. This is our best record so far, for such a short period of time. The main thing is that when we do hear from them, invariably they tell us that without Adventist Contact they never would have met. Of course, marriages are not our only success story. Many Adventist couples are dating who might otherwise be dating out of the church, or not dating at all, if it weren't for Adventist Contact.
Unfortunately, there are more than twice as many females enrolled in Con tact as males, and this fact does give the computer a problem in finding a "match" for everybody every time. As a result, the men get more of a selection of referrals to choose from than do the women. As some women say, this is the way it is anyway in real life, so we have to accept it. In the older age groups the scarcity of men is more acute, and many lovely older women often have to wait a long time for referrals. Nevertheless there have been a few marriages in this age group, and from what they write, they are happy.
Q. What can the ministers do for Adventist Contact?
A. As we see it, our pastors' contribution is twofold in relation to Adventist Contact. (1) The pastor can continue to give his hearty cooperation in returning the pastoral recommendation blanks, which take but a moment of his time to check the squares. (2) Pastors in the U.S. and Canada can also write for enough free brochures ("What Is Adventist Contact?") to give to each single person (18 or over) in their congregation. Address: ADVENTIST CONTACT, P.O. Box 4250, Takoma Park, Maryland 20012.
