You may not agree with the author's thrust that pastors' wives are not unique. However, her comparisons and illustrations are compelling proof of her point.
My husband and I moved thirty-five times and pastored several churches in seaport cities where needy people often found their way to our home for handouts. We also raised two daughters who faced pressures because their dad was a minister, so I found real delight in Anne Elver's convincing logic. Here is one article you would do well to cut out and file under the heading "When depressed, read this!"
Anne has truly turned hardships into stepping-stones to the kingdom. The least this article will do for you is to increase your joy in being a minister's wife.—Marie Spangler.
"You're moving again, you poor thing. It's so hard being married to a pastor. I'm glad I didn't marry one," Delores said when I told her my husband's transfer required another move.
Mrs. Tuttle, a new neighbor, introduced herself with these words: "I used to baby-sit for the former pastor's wife. One day a parishioner bawled her out because the pastor had overlooked the parishioner's absence from church. I feel sorry for any pastor's wife; it's such a hard life."
Donna called the parsonage one evening, asking to speak to the pastor. "He's out for the evening, Donna. Can I take a message?" I replied.
"It must be rough having a busy pastor for a husband," Donna commented. "Can you have him call me tomorrow?"
Donna, Mrs. Tuttle, and Delores have one thing in common they pity me because my husband is a pastor.
But I shun being the object of their pity because pastors' wives are not unique in the trials that they face. Sure, there are some evenings when my husband is out on business and I stay home alone. Criticism comes my way occasionally. We move more frequently than I like. And my husband's salary isn't what it should be.
But other careers involve all of these disadvantages too. Our local school superintendent is out many evenings at meetings, but I've never heard anybody say, "Poor Betty, she has it hard being his wife." Military wives move frequently too, and people accept this as a matter of course for them. Plenty of men are underpaid for their qualifications. Criticism falls on everyone occasionally. Remember this the next time you're feeling sorry for yourself. You're not in a unique role. The trials you face refine your character.
Of course, I have some gripes about my role as a pastor's wife. Often my advice is sought when I'm not the proper person to see. The telephone rings during dinner some evenings. There are other irritants that I face, but they are a way for the Lord to purify me, and I need this.
For example, one church my husband pastored was near a busy highway.
Transients often stopped by the parsonage, seeking aid. This bothered me at first. Stories of robberies, bilking, and other rip-offs tempted me to turn a deaf ear to each one. And these people usually came at inconvenient times. But each time someone in need stopped by, I would recall Jesus' promise that anything done in His name was done to Him. Then I would force myself to swallow my feelings and assist the one in need.
At my urging our church set up a fund and food basket to meet these needs. Through the years our church gained a reputation for being a caring fellowship
as those we helped began telling others about our aid. I rejoiced that the Lord had given me enough love to reach out and to guide our people into this ministry. And He refined the spot in my character that wanted to pull back from giving aid, fearing getting "taken."
Every trial I have because of being married to a pastor is used to God's glory when I yield it to Him. Every disadvantage I face as a pastor's wife has some unseen compensation. My husband's evenings out are offset by his proximity to home during the day. Not many women get to enjoy their husband's company at lunch as I do.
I dislike moving, and my husband's ministry forces frequent moves on me. This personal aggravation is offset by the ease with which I fit into a new community and church just because of my husband's role. Numerous friends in each former home are blessings I might not have had if Harry were in another occupation.
My children have had to face pressures because their father is a minister, and this troubles me occasionally. I have had to lovingly remind some church members that my children are just like theirs they aren't perfect, they don't want to accept an office in each church-related organization they join, and
unrealistic expectations of them are unfair.
Recently my daughter pointed out a compensation that I had overlooked. "Being a preacher's kid works for, not against, me," she said. "My friends don't
ask me to join them in activities that aren't right. Lots of temptations pass me by because of Dad's ministry."
The lack of personal privacy does trouble me, but I am more than adequately compensated for this by the abundance of love coming from our church members. For example, our parsonages have all been next door to the church, and our churches have all been located on the main street in town. I can't go into my yard without someone noticing. Once when I was pulling weeds in the hot sun, 1 greeted a friend as she left the church building. Several minutes later she returned. "Here," she said. "Use my weed trimmer. You'll get the job done quicker." Her expression of love and generosity touched me deeply. My lack of personal privacy is like most of the other disadvantages I face because my husband is a pastor the price isn't so high when I look at the compensations.
My spiritual gifts are enhanced because of who my husband is. Frequently I deliver the sermon in our church. No one questions the propriety
of my doing this. Teaching is one of my spiritual gifts, and there is always a group needing me wherever we live. My writing ministry is enhanced by those who share testimonies with me. I often write their stories for them and rejoice with them when they realize that they have a story that might see publication.
It is a privilege to pray with those who call my husband and share their needs with me when they discover he isn't home. Our congregation's openness to
receive from me blesses me greatly and helps my husband, too.
I don't want anyone's pity. I count it a blessing to belong to a group of women sharing the role of being married to a pastor. We are not a unique group of
women. I feel that our trials refine our characters, our hardships are offset with abundant compensations, and our husbands' ministries enhance our own spiritual gifts. What a privilege!
