As a pastor's kid (PK) you quickly learn that nearly everything revolves around the church. At least that was how I perceived matters when I was growing up. My father pastored a busy church. Our Sabbaths were phenomenal. With morning services, potluck dinners, afternoon meetings and activities, vespers, and recreation, there was never a dull moment.
My father spent many hours in committee meetings and other church-related activities that often kept him away from home in the evenings. Our phone rang frequently. Sometimes members just called to find out when vespers would be, or to get someone's phone number.
When it came time for vacation, the last place we'd go just before leaving town was the church. My father either had to drop something off at his office or pick up an item to be mailed. We would wait in the car in the parking lot, with Mom trying to entertain my three brothers and me. Ah, those were the days.
Balancing family and work
Am I complaining? Not really. I used to tell my dad I'd never be a pas tor because of all I had witnessed "behind the scenes." Ministering to people's lives can be extremely fulfilling. Now that I am a pastor, I've found that if family and work are kept in balance, positives can outweigh negatives.
While our church has always had a sacred regard for marriage and family, administrative attitudes seemed to convey the idea that a pastor's priorities should be (1) God, (2) church, and (3) family. This was true even when I entered the ministry in the mid-seventies. Through the years I've seen these priorities change so that they are now commonly accepted as being (1) God, (2) family, and (3) church. This shift has occurred out of necessity because the process of ministry has ravaged so many ministerial families.
I don't pretend to have all the answers, but having been raised a PK and having pastored for 15 years in various sized churches, I've picked up some bits and pieces of the puzzle called "family survival." It's hardly profound. However, you may discover that there's more to some of it than initially meets the eye.
Family survival tips
To be an effective church leader:
1. Drink daily from the fountain of life.
2. Know that family is a precious garden to be cultivated.
3. Look for ways to be constructive and positive at home.
4. Know how to fly a kite and play ball.
5. Listen carefully to the constituents who eat at your table.
6. Do not spend more money than you make.
7. Know when to stay away from the church.
8. Include your spouse in your appointments as often as possible.
9. Know when to ignore the answering machine.
10. Take regular vacations with your family.
11. Delegate church responsibilities.
12. Carry your household responsibilities.
13. Know how to lead out in family worship, give back rubs, and tuck children into bed.
14. Be sensitive to others' feelings.
15. Admit and learn from your mistakes.
The minister's first work
As leaders the most important work we'll perform for our churches will not be what we do on the platform, in committee meetings, or in the homes of our members. Our most significant contribution will be how we minister to the people who live in our homes, the ones we call family. It has been well said, "Nothing can excuse the minister for neglecting the inner circle for the larger circle outside. The spiritual welfare of his family comes first. . . . Great good done for others cannot cancel the debt that he owes to God to care for his own children. There should exist in the minister's family a unity that will preach an effective sermon on practical godliness."*
* Ellen G. White, Gospel Workers (Washington, D.C.: Review and Herald Pub. Assn., 1948), pp. 204, 205.
