Evaluate your congregation and the ministries it provides. One often overlooked group consists of single individuals. You may not immediately recognize some of these individuals because they have stopped attending, so carefully analyze your singles before concluding that you know who they are, much less what they need. In future articles we will consider various ministry options; but first, let's recognize the significance of singles.
Who are singles? Statistics are high and the church mirrors society where as many as 30 percent are adults living alone. There are more singles in the United States than the entire population of France and The Netherlands combined. Nearly one-half of adult church members are single. While less than 8 percent of them will never marry, many are divorced, widowed, or not-yet-married young adults.
Because so many people are single for such different reasons, the church (and for that matter the individuals, themselves) may not see what they have in common.
Singled out. Many singles have opted out of church attendance for a variety of reasons. Some young adults expect to re-establish their relationship with the church when they marry and have children. Some believe they can maintain spiritual life separate from the church because they feel the church ignores them. They believe the church's doctrinal or spiritual message, but they hear a strong cultural message that excludes them by emphasizing marriage as the preferred, or only accept able, status. They are made to feel "less than whole."
Suddenly single. Some were once married but have unexpectedly become single through death, divorce, separation, or abandonment. After they lose a spouse, more and more retirees live alone either by choice, imbalance of genders in older age, economic chaos, or by fear as a result of having observed peers who ended up unfortunately unhappy in second marriages. These sudden losses are always traumatic and can be catastrophic both economically and spiritually, shattering one's personal identity. Strategize how to serve these sudden singles.
Single by choice. For those individuals who choose singleness, honor their completeness rather than making unfortunate comparisons with those who are married as the "correct" option. Avoid blatant (or even subtle) insinuation that singles are "marriage wannabees" just waiting to be rescued. When we showcase marriage as the only lifestyle that brings happiness and fulfillment, we set some people up for disillusionment, pain, and despair.
Kit Watts, communications director of the Southeastern California Conference and former assistant editor of the Adventist Review, has written extensively on the church's treatment of singles and has influenced my thinking and words on this topic. She asks, "Have we overemphasized marriage and family as symbols of God's love to the exclusion of other symbols? For example, could we emphasize Jesus' own model more: 'Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends' (John 1513 NASV)."
Circumstantial singleness. Some, who once expected to marry, discover that obligations to parents or siblings, completing an education, establishing a profession, or even the passing of time reduces the pool of possible partners. They may not have consciously chosen to remain single, but circumstances have formed this conclusion.
Further, because of strong emphasis on not being "unequally yoked," believers in some areas of the world cannot find a marriage partner of the same faith with similar spiritual, educational, professional, or social expectations. Sometimes singleness is not the choice but the consequence of belief, compatibility issues, or geography.
Single leaders. Intentionally include singles in leadership and team activities. Jesus and Paul, single men themselves, demonstrated that the church is the place to make family. While upholding the sanctity of marriage and our duty to honor parents (Matt. 12:46-50), they explained that the gospel transcends family ties and that the church is a fellowship built not upon race, tribe, gender, or social status, but upon each individual's choice to follow Jesus.
Respect marriage as honored by Scripture, but not as a requirement for spiritual service or leadership. In some areas of the world, the church would refuse ordination to ministry for Paul or John the Baptist because they were unmarried.
Single examples. My friend, Kit Watts points out that Jesus, as God in the flesh, was a single man who lived an exemplary life. God created humans for relationships, and marriage may be one of these. However, the church must have room for everyone.
Paul describes the church as a body with two arms and two legs, but only one heart and one brain. Remember, the body needs every single part!
