We teen-agers really get the brunt of criticism these days. If a teen-age girl gets pregnant, she's the talk of the town. If an unmarried adult gets pregnant, no one except close friends hears about it. If one of us shoots an innocent person, the public can't forget his name. But an adult who does that is forgotten the next day. Our dress, our diet, and our music are criticized. Teen-agers who take drugs are looked at with suspicion and fear, even though many adults are addicted to valium.
A lot of teen-agers are a pain in the neck because a lot of us haven't gotten the direction we needed in life, especially in our early years. We need help in growing up from our parents, our teach ers, and our pastors.
We need, and look for, three major things from our pastors—friendship, guidance, and example.
Participate in our activities, pastors. Be part of our lives. But please don't compromise your principles and approve what you know is detrimental to us in order to "buddy up." If what we want is wrong, tell us so! Don't be afraid you'll hurt our feelings. Sure, we may look hurt at the time, but we'll think about what you say. Remember, teen-agers, like adults, don't respect anyone who can't stand for what he knows is right. If you know that rock music is bad and that today's dances are immoral, then tell us so. If you're asked by some of your youth to chaperone a party and you suspect that alcoholic beverages will be served, decline the invitation.
We teen-agers need a pastor who, as our friend, will draw the line in today's permissive society. If you stand for what's right and don't compromise with us, we'll respect your advice. But please do participate in our activities when they are good.
Be interested in us. Of course we aren't the mature, experienced people your adult colleagues are, but we don't want someone who enters our lives when we need correcting or when he has a sermon on his tongue. We need for our pastors to take time for a rap session with us or just to call us on the phone and chat for a while. There are some things we can tell you that we couldn't tell anyone else. Ask about our schoolwork, our dates, our plans for the week end. We need to know that you care.
If you expect us to open to you, you'll need to have an open attitude—an attitude that tells us you don't think of us as pests or inferiors, but as regular people needing to talk with someone. We're still close enough to childhood to notice instinctively how you feel toward us by the look in your eyes, your facial expressions, your tone of voice. We don't talk to uninterested strangers.
We want our pastors to guide our feet with Biblical truth—not traditions, not philosophies, but something we can be sure of. Moonies, Peoples' Temple, and Hare Krishnas are the result, in part at least, of giving teen-agers anything and everything except the Bible.
Don't cram religion down our throats, though. We've heard "Don't do that; the Bible says not to!" until a lot of us tend to think of God as a mean, fun-abhor ring tyrant who brings us nothing but misery. We don't read the Bible because it's presented as always telling us not to do this or that. We might listen if we were shown from the Bible a legitimate reason for abiding by its principles.
Probably even more important than teaching us spiritual things in a pleasant manner and giving us Biblical principles instead of men's is helping us make decisions in everyday life. Pastors talk about life being a constant controversy between good and bad, and no one knows that more than teen-agers. We may be immature, but we are at the point of making decisions about how we want to live and what our values will be. Adults, who are supposedly mature and able to handle temptation, can give us direction. As pastors, you can be a great source of help and strength by pointing out potential problems, so that we can make intelligent decisions between the right and the wrong ways. Don't misunderstand! We don't want you to make our decisions for us. We just want you to give us something to think about while we make our own decisions.
We can't stand pastors who are hypocrites. We're very observant, and we know when you preach one thing and live to the contrary. If you live what you tell us to do, we'll be much more likely to follow your example. I know we are to follow Christ's example and not man's, but it does help us to have a tangible illustration of what we should do or be like. Too many of us excuse ourselves by saying, "Well, my pastor does it, so it must be all right." We don't expect you to be perfect, of course, but we do expect consistency and sincerity.
I guess what I'm trying to say is just be there when we need you, correct us gently but firmly, and live by the standards you proclaim. We teen-agers will respect and love you, and things ought to get better for both of us.
