Bonding our children to Christ

Seventh-day Adventists in the 1960s numbered around 1.55 million worldwide. Tom Ashlock, then an associate in the General Conference Sabbath School Department, wondered what would have happened if the Church had never done any evangelism but had consistently retained all the children growing up in Adventist homes.

He got out his calculator, started with the number of Adventist families in 1848, considered the average family size in each genera tion up to the time he was working, and made a shocking discovery. Without evangelism, but just by maintaining Adventist children in the Church, there would have been 128 million Adventists at the time of his calculation: the 1960s!

On any given Sabbath morning, the largest group of people missing from the church and needing to be reclaimed are the children. Not the little ones, but the ones who used to be in the church when they were little.

What's wrong? How can we keep the children in the church? How can we reclaim the ones who have left?

The Beginner and Kindergarten Sabbath Schools are happy places. The eager children are participating and enjoying themselves. In Primary Sabbath School it is much the same. But something different takes place among the Junior and Earliteen age groups. Many of them lose interest in Sabbath School. They are likely to be found hanging around in the hall ways or outside the building. Major physical, emotional, and mental changes are involved, but these do not entirely explain the disinter est that develops in church attendance during the Junior/Earliteen years.

Just when they are beginning to think for themselves, we notice the young people missing. But that is not the first time they are making decisions about Jesus Christ and the church. Those first serious thoughts came long before, probably when they were as young as five or six, and their first decisions were not made on the basis of doctrines and Bible study. Rather, they were based on you and me.

Adults stand in the place of God in the mind of a child. In a child's early years, unconscious questions arise: Is it nice to be with adults? Do I feel loved and appreciated when I am with them? So, they begin deciding what they will do when they are free to choose for themselves.

The goal should be for us to bond the children to us and to the church, because in that way they have the best possible chance to ultimately bond with Jesus Christ. Here are four ways to accomplish the goal of bonding.

Bonding the children

1. Be their friend. Smile, don't frown. Talk to them, especially about God and His Word. Listen to what they say, and be shock-proof. As long as they see you as a friend, you have a tremendous influence on them. If you cut them down to size whenever they say some thing you don't like or agree with, they will soon stop talking to you. You may think that a normal generation gap has silenced them, but actually they lost confidence in the trust worthiness of your commitment to hear from them and what they are thinking and feeling.

If we listen respectfully to children's ideas, they in turn will be willing to listen to some of what we say. As trust builds, we will learn things we never dreamed of, and we will have continuing opportunities to influence children's thoughts and actions. Children go where there is excitement; they stay where there is love.

2. Involve each one of them in your local church. People of all ages are more likely to attend if they feel needed and appreciated. At an early age children should be given some responsibility. It could be as simple as helping the adult greeters at the front door, straightening the chairs in a particular room, or even turning the lights on and off something that will give them pride of possession and the significance of contributing.

As they grow, we need to increase their responsibilities: junior deacon or deaconess, elder for the children, assistant in one of the children's departments. All of them may not be totally dependable in doing the job. Neither are adults. Support, encourage, and affirm in every possible way to help the children grow in their capabilities. Each child who gains a sense of inclusion and significance is most likely to remain in the church.

3. Provide opportunities for children to continue to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (see 2 Peter 3:18). Grace is all the wonderful gifts of love, mercy, repentance, peace, and comfort that God gives to us. Knowledge of His Word is how He communicates with us. Grace and knowledge must go hand in hand for real Christian maturity to develop. Consider the secular influences surrounding children today: TV, videos, computers, sports, music, friends, etc. The list is long, and children are exposed to it most of the day. By contrast, the list of opportunities children have for spiritual nurture is shorter, but taking stock of them is helpful indeed:

• Sabbath School, one hour a week.
• Family worship maybe (surveys consistently find that only 25 per cent of Adventist homes have this kind of worship).
• A divine service that is interesting to children and provides ways for them to participate.
• Every local church can have Pathfinder and Adventurer Clubs, but not all do.
• Vacation Bible School one week a year.
• Perhaps a camp meeting for one week a year.
• Of course, there is church school, but how many children attend?

The difference in the quantity and quality of what we offer the children and what the culture in general offers will change if we are truly serious about bonding our children to us, to the church, and, by all means, to the Lord.

4. Baptize them before they are teenagers. It is wonderful to see teens and young adults come into the church with their enthusiasm and eagerness. What they discover in the Bible is exciting and meaningful to them. But it is seldom that way for the young people who have grown up in a local church. The Bible is an old hat to them. They've been there, done that, heard that before.

Surveys in several of our Adventist world divisions have revealed that 85 percent of young people who are not baptized by age 14 are lost to the Church. Only the other 15 percent will request baptism at a future date.

Some adults in the church take the attitude, "They are only children. They will learn when they grow up." Actually, it is only when they are children that we have the window of opportunity to bond them to us, to give them a sense of inclusion, to fill their minds with thoughts of God and His Word; in short, to do our part in their salvation.

The teenage years are turbulent. The reality and even the memory of their earlier baptism is a wall of protection even if they slip, and it creates a greater likelihood that they will remain in the church, continuing to grow in grace. Our part is to overlook mistakes in our desire to encourage and support our children's continued growth. For the future good of our youth, and even if our only concern is for church growth, baptizing the children at a sensible age is important.

Bringing back the children

What is our responsibility to the children who remain in our fellow ship? Is it to criticize, command, "preach," or cajole? On the other hand we should not lose an opportunity to say a word to encourage and inspire hope. We cannot tell how far-reaching our words of kindness may be, or our Christlike efforts to lighten some bur den. "The erring can be restored in no other way than in the spirit of meekness, gentleness, and tender love."* Two simple principles apply:

1. Be friends. As long as teens see us as friends, we still have the chance to influence them. We can determine by God's grace never to criticize or con front them about their behavior. We can watch carefully to "catch them being good" and affirm them in every way we can. They haven't forgotten what they learned in church. Their memory is better than ours. In the long run, our attitude toward them will probably determine whether they feel safe in making good choices.

2. Pray for them. It is a fact that God loves our young people more than we do and will use every means at His disposal to turn them to Himself. Furthermore, Jesus died to give every person a free choice.

Social involvement

One more principle is at play when relating to our people, both those who are in the church and those who have lost interest:

Provide social activities. Almost worldwide, Saturday night is an accepted time for social activities. We may not feel the need for these kinds of things. We may be old enough to appreciate a quiet Saturday night at home, but young people want to be with their friends on Saturday night. Capitalize on this by making Saturday night a part of the bonding process to the church.

When it comes to these church-centered weekend activities we should have a committee of young people to do the planning. It is good to provide some mature, friendly guidance in this planning. We need to open these activities up to all young people in the church and their friends. Some families mistakenly open their homes to a certain group of young people. The others are left out, and the negative feelings generated by this make it more likely that some young people will look outside the church for social activities.

Not every child will choose to be on God's side, no matter how perfect the environment, but by God's grace we can and must determine to do all in our power to bond the younger members of God's family to us, the church, and the Lord, so we can have joy together here and now, and be together in the world to come.